I feel as if this is my last hurrah,
which is exhausting, but a relief.
A huffing breath after crying.

Everything I know is falling into place.
Yet the sadness stays.
And that is how I know I will never change,
and that this is goodbye.

n.v.

The cliches are all too familiar,
With their sappy glow and clean cut truth

I still live with her smile
But I roll my eyes at sappy rom coms
And change the channel at the kiss

I live for the moment
When I see you
Eyes drifting
When we have strawberry lemonades that are half frozen and turn our lips pink
And we can't breathe because we're laughing too much

I'm irony wrapped up
And tied with a silver ribbon
You can't fight biology
But you sure as hell can try


n.v.

I have lots of unhealthy coping mechanisms
They stop me from doing worse

And in the middle of the night
Where I am unsure whether I am awake
I think on how many people like me
Really
I think it's just you

I'm eternally lonely and blessed with the knowledge
That many lonely people die alone
It's science

I have a weird look on my face
and everything aches a bit.
I remember those days
as you remember light
when you are consumed in darkness.

Animated, a world away
untouchable in it's shimmering glory
Our days.


n.v.
Your pillow still smells like you
and that weird chinese shampoo you used to use
But that's okay,
because it's you

You asked me to speak the truth
The truth, the one and only truth
But honestly it's harder than this

A pathological liar needs
Some freedom
To sugar her lips

A thousand words
And a thousand lies
And better if none of them
Contain goodbyes

So I'll smile
And wait
For you to understand
Because in the end they always do


n.v.

My jeans are as frayed as I am
Go flying in the breeze
Faded, jaded, disorientated
All I can do is breathe



n.v.

She licks honey off all of her fingers
With a grin of careless optimism
only worn by the very stupid or the very wise

Her walls tell a story
A thousand pencil marks
A tally of her days living
And the days she wants to be dead



n.v.