Flying over Lake Michigan
at 20,000 feet
in the dark
approaching Chicago.
When you think about it
it’s
Improbable.

Why do I suddenly feel
more secure
over land
with more to
crash into?
It’s
Irrational.

Darling,
who is not my darling
anymore,
flying
crashing
wondering
worrying
losing . . .
it’s
Impossible.

But from this perspective
as landing gear engages,
lights flicker
traffic moves
Christmas appears
in lights and filled holiday mall lots.
As our hopes compete
I return
to you
Incomplete.

14.xii.10

It’s always a strange feeling
when the kids pull away
on Christmas morning to
open anew their presence
at mom’s.

Only to return indoors
from seeing them off
to find my more recent kids
equally pulling away to
play with their new toys
and gadgets.

Inside, my wife pulls away
retreating from years of
holiday shopping and cooking and regrets
and I retreat to write
a poem or virtually connect
with others.

And I realize that retreat
is normal, not a casualty of divorce
just refreshing and treating ourselves to
quiet rejuvenation.

And tomorrow we’ll regroup anew
and begin the count toward
next year.

25.xii.10

Sitting high atop ****** Mountain
I’m feeling my phylogeny overwhelm rationality
perturbing stirrings
both primitive and powerful
considered improper at the moment

Surrounded by beauty natural and athletic
of heights, valleys, children, and women
I’m keenly aware that
unnecessary stresses
grow into other messes

Hours melt to days
and I wonder where, how and with whom you are
time slips away
forgotten feelings
dry permanently on the hot summer pavement

Ontogeny . . . phylogeny . . . freedom and fear
who am I within my existence?
to relieve my mind of overthinking
I must
overcome the fear of underthinking

And what say you
amid the quiet chaos of our souls
beyond putting one foot in front of
the other
as we fall apart our separate ways?

     26.vii.10
     (****** Creek, CO)

Familiar sounds
of your evening toiletry
soon will be no more.

        5.iii.11