the days you couldn't get out of bed
were the days he was full of birds
in his stomach; fluttering wings and
sharp beaks pulling for validation.

and the hummingbird in your heart never stops going off
when you've trained it this well, because even a bird
can fall in love with its cage
if it's beautiful enough;
stockholm syndrome in its raw disgust.

impulsivity never came naturally
for him, perfection was
his answer to thoughts smelling
like recycled air and suffocation.

but you,
you would rip all the sheets off
and you could always tell when there was something off
when there was something i've lost,
and never knew that it was you
growing around my bones like moss.

or maybe more like poison ivy
by the way you expected so much from me
and i couldn't stop the both of us
from falling off the rollercoaster you
refused to get off of.

so now that i know,
i won't let you become my demise
because a ******* once told me;
"Anticipation is always stronger
than surprise."

Already turned on,
she says
and wipes her hair so it cradles around her ear
look here,
she twists the radio button,
do you see it?
look,
can you feel it?
look at the
the purple that dances in the eyes
of every turned on tuned in radio listener
look
she grabs my hand in hers,
she is so excited,
close your eyes and just look at their faces
they look so
happy
wait no,
happy isn’t the word
they look so alive
yes,
to be alive is better
she says
holding my hand even tighter
to be alive allows
something more
to be alive
is like
a hole
that you can throw anything down
you can throw your
gum
your ear ring
your broken finger nail
or you can even throw me

and their eyes look like
they look like they are sitting
in that hole
you know,
their hole of
life
and they’re catching the music
with their eyes
sort of, something like,
secret star light
you know?
something like that