He picked me apart like the inside of a pomegranate
hands stained with
please be careful
he was never gentle
my heart dripping on his tongue
sweet sweet kisses and a mouthful to swallow


is this what love feels like?

i miss you sometimes
is that a crime?


no my dear, missing someone is not a crime
missing someone who you buried yourself in
gave parts of yourself to
loved strongly
missing them is not a crime mi amor

no baby, the crime was never that you missed them

it’s that you felt me sleeping next to you and told her anyway

it’s that you kissed me goodnight and you told her anyway

it’s that you said you loved me

and you told her you missed her anyway

sometimes the things that sit in my mind feel like they’re one tiny gust of wind away from blowing over
spilling out
stretching themselves like spilled paint on canvas, dying to reach more
stain more
once i let go though
let the wind take over
i find myself calm, like the air after a storm
i still feel the remnants of my pain on my tongue
like swallowing my own blood, i knew i had done some damage
but it feels so good to let it out
i wonder if i hurt you when i tell you all the things i think about
how much pain you put me through
how i still feel my eyes ***** when i think about it
i don’t want to hurt you
not all the time anyway
sometimes i just want you to understand
to empathize
i guess letting out the air in my head only relieves some of the pressure
because as soon as things get quiet again
i’m up to no good
so i’m teetering on the darkness of my own thoughts piled onto each other,
fencing in the pain until just one gust of wind starts the cycle all over

Swimming in the darkness of his irises,

light gleaming through like sun beaming on the richness of the earth,

in those eyes; flowers grew so bright.

Climbing the creases of his eyes when he laughs

each wrinkle of his face felt like satin on my fingertips,
intoxicating, I always yearned for one more smile.
Weaving through eyelashes so thick every blink felt like a blessing


yes, this is how you fall in love.

Laughing in hotel rooms where the lights flickered if they were left on too long and the water dripped all through the night, although it didn't matter much anyway- sleeping next to you felt like silence was only filling the void for love.

yes, this is how you fall in love.

tangled in arms and legs like trees desperate to grow amidst a forest already lush, because touching you even as a drift to sleep, keeps me calm.

I'm sure you know by now,
boys with strong arms and soft hearts have the warmest smile
well, the one I fell in love with does.
So in subway trains in the city we fell in love in or on the backroads of the Ohio streets where you grew up in, it takes just one look for me to remember why I fell in love
those eyes of yours my dear,
are enough words to make the ones I just wrote seem like nothing at all.

‪leave your curiosity on the same chair your shirt sits on.‬
this isn’t story time, we are not flipping pages
let your lips tell me everything you think about when i’m quiet but please,
don’t say a word while you do it.

hanging over me, using hands as punctuation to a soliloquy of silence,
you always said how much you wanted to be a writer,
maybe one day we’ll get to a place where we fit on the same chapter, same page, same paragraph
but for now,
don’t ask me what i want when i have screamed with my eyes very clearly:


it’s you