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Cast
aside
like
so many
plastic bottles.

Kept
are
they who
are glass.


Clean,
Pure,
Perfect.


(NN.B)
Dear you,
My skin quakes in the frost left behind
when his presence is absent.

Dear Me,
Stop complaining. thats all you ever do
anymore. No wonder he wants, wishes, and desires another.

Dear you,
I share with him things that are secret.
Things that would surely cause reclusion
if ever found by another.

Dear Me,
Ever think that maybe you desire
to share too much?
Ever wonder about the burden
You place on those surrounding you
when your misery is shared?

Dear you,
You could say anything you want,
Anything indeed.
A scar may be left but they will never fade.

Dear Me,
Try to hide me I dare.

Dear you,
Go away.
Blinding freezing fear,
Thats all that is felt,
Broken hearted child.
I told you I would never give up
I never did give up.


I love you just as much as i did 2160 days ago.
But you gave up on me,
on us.
You shunned away your feelings
and now you don't feel it anymore.

You don't feel anything anymore.


I can't blame you.


Love is a beautiful cluster-**** of emotions,
but at the end of the day
when your insomnia begins
darkness fills your somber heart
and you question love.


But I do love you.
More than you could ever possibly comprehend.

But, that doesn't matter
because my personality and clothing choice,
will never make up for hers.


I want to be what you want me to be,
but no matter how hard I try,
I Cannot be her.


There is no amount of pastel makeup,
and sparkly shirts,
that will make me her.


I could obtain her exact wardrobe,
and hair color,
and that dumb laugh she uses,
when she makes fun and jokes.


But, I could never be her, ever.


I somehow hurt you,
I never want to see you cry,
or in pain.


To this day I Cannot Believe that I somehow managed,
to hurt someone so perfect,
and so genuine,
and innocent.


I just want to show you that I never meant hurt you like that.


But you want me to be her,
and I'm sorry but that is the one thing I cannot do for You.
My hands are dying,
My heart is seized,
and my mind is chaos.

What that means for my future,
Now, that I have no clue.
All I can repeatedly think of
is one single, solitary word.

Why?

N.N.B
War
Fear, Terror, and Shame,
That's all that is felt in this horrid game.
A game played by people who do not wish to play,
people who a message is wished to convey.


I see you standing there,
Thinking of her,
And I want so much,
To be what we were.


I’m not who you want,
that much is known.
How you dream and crave,
for her body to roam.


Fix this and fix that,
Days spent in repetition,
How scared I am of this
Sudden transition.


You want nothing more than for me to let you go,
How I  hide and wish these feelings did not show.


War is where my days are spent.
At battle with myself,
Forever running from you final judgment.
My heart seized
by the electric forced
through the wires and chains
enveloped around and
restraining memory and being
of life left in the body
that is mine.

You listen to the screams
as the burns the flesh
protecting the weakness that is
me.

You stand there listening,
starring, not in comfort but
in amazement and satisfaction
that something such as pain
can be felt by the disappointment
that is the one in front of you.
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