It hurts to grow sometimes, even when its not physical growth, but internal spiritual growth.
It hurts because we have to let go of people and places,  
and of ideas and wishes that just no longer serve a purpose in our lives.
I equate these growing phases to the way a snake will shed its skin,
or the way the mystical phoenix burns to ashes, only to be re-born again.
I often feel like a caterpillar withdrawing from everyday movement in the external world
and burrowing in to my self made cocoon, while I transform and complete another internal metamorphosis.
It gets cramped and dark in there, but the rewards received when I emerge
are some of the most beautiful rewards I could hope for.

I’m coming out of the cocoon again; stretching my wings… lifting my head to the sun.
He brought me to it, and He always brings me through it.
I can smile again and mean it, I can feel strong inside and feel a sense of accomplishment.
I’m getting there by the grace of something so much bigger than myself and even though it hurts sometimes, nothing worth having ever comes without at least a little sacrifice.
04/30/09

My eyes are open, or are they?
My heart is beating, isn’t it?
My spirit feels trapped,
My mind boxed in.

Caged and frantic I feel out of control
Lost and alone, longing for reprieve.
The world around imposing limits
And confinements abound.

I can’t feel the breath enter and leave
Only the emptiness in between
My legs are weak and will not hold me
As I fall weeping to the ground.

Strength has left me, replaced with disregard
The will to fight is only an idea now
A trait I used to know inside of me,
Now only stagnation swirls around.

Words fail me, and escape through the cracks
Inspiration dying like the leaves on the trees;
Falling, spinning without a net,
As it meets with the cold hard unyielding of the earth below.

They search for a pulse, just
A simple sign of life
But what they do not yet know
Is that where life once flowed
Is now just a flat line;
A surrendering white flag from my soul.

Closing my eyes I hear the sound,
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Inhaling one more time, I let go
And exhale a final time
Before the sound just turns to
Silence and all that exists
Is a flat line where life once was.

I am a woman complete and true;
With hips soft and curvy,
lips sweet and tempting
and true love for one man…

I am a woman who bears the weight of my world;
But can crumble like a child under the heavy load.
I am a woman who loves with all of her might
But is often caught at a crossroads.

I am a woman who hides behind walls for protection;
But begs for release from the barriers they *****.
I am a woman, who falls to her knees and pleads for reprieve,
And in faith I know my spirit will resurrect.

I am a woman with hips full and soft;
And lips that will kiss away hurt and pain.
I am a woman who basks in the warmth of the sun
But dances with abandon in the rain.

Take me, this woman, into your world;
Wrap me up in hope and love so pure.
I come to you openly, willing to give
Let your eyes tell all, and make me be sure.

Please don’t lead me out if you’re not coming with me;
Love me completely or don’t love me at all.
When I know for sure that your heart belongs to me only
I will surrender mine to you and drop this powerful wall.

I am a woman who can love you like no one else;
But I bleed just like you do.
Take my fragile heart into your hands and hold it close
And in return, all I ask of you is to be true.

I am a woman complete and true.
12/17/08

I got lost in an old familiar song;
The clips in my mind were of us singing
Mary J’s, Be Without You;
I heard her voice, but I saw you lip
Syncing the words to me in the back seat of the car.

I’ve never laughed or loved so hard, I’ve
Never wanted something so badly, yet felt the
Need to escape it, just as intensely.
It’s funny how our minds recall what our
Hearts work to forget.

There was always warmth in your eyes for me;
Unspoken moments when volumes were said.
You knew me deeper than anyone ever has,
You loved me more than anyone else has ever tried to.
And sometimes, I find it hard to be without you.

You left a hole that no one can fill, a
Void that I won’t let anyone near…I
Still defend you like a faithful lover, even
Though you’re no longer here.

Although I know I’m better off where I am
I still have moments when the memories of our
Lazy Sundays in bed, our electric looks across a room
And the laughter that we shared makes it so **** hard
To be without you

POISON

What is it about your poison that I crave?
Even my hatred for you runs white hot through my veins
Like a liquid aphrodisiac.
Why must I taste that which will surely be my end?
You tempt me with your evil charm and lure me in
Like a starving man to a steak.
What lies behind your alluring smile that makes me so weak?
Even my desire to slap your face creates a stir
And an itch that I know better than to scratch.
I beg you to slither away to the hole you came out of,
Leave me behind and seek me no more
Just quietly go and shut the door tightly behind you.
I found an antidote to your poison
A new view of myself and of you
And now that my eyes are open and my mind is clearing
I see it all for what it is, what it was, and
What it can never be.

“I imagine that we’ll just take turns,” She said.
It was a moment face to face with him that changed her life.
There were no words spoken then, just his eyes locked on hers….
“When you feel weak, I will be strong; when the world has u feeling beat,
I’ll be right there loving it all away; and when I crumble, weary from
The struggle, your arms will envelope me and make it all go away.”

“I’ll be your shelter, you’ll be mine….surrendering our bodies,
and our minds.” She whispered as she stepped closer to him. He could feel
her breath on his neck, warm and soft.

“I’m sharing my heart and my soul with you; I’m going to trust you…”
Her lips brushed against his ear as she whispered to him. He felt a warm rush
Go through him.

“And I am sharing mine with you; I’m going to trust you.”
He said as he pulled her to his body.
It was in those moments that it all became so clear. This was the grown up love
That she had traveled years to find.
“I’ll be weak when you are strong, “he said, “I imagine we’ll just take turns.”
And tenderly his lips met hers and he kissed her breath away.

o His

Under his touch
I am all woman

Lost in his kiss
I am all woman

When his body climbs into mine
I am all woman

And when his eyes speak to my soul
I am all woman....
His Woman.

©2009/06/16.KDK.All Rights Reserved.

I’m saying exactly what I’m saying
I’m expressing how I feel…
And I feel stupid
Foolish
Naïve
For once again spinning in
Circles in my head
As you dance around me.
It’s like riding the same roller coaster
All **** day;
Waiting, waiting for a change of direction or….
Knowing too well that it wont be coming; but
I wait and I spin…
Around and around
Spiraling deeper into life
09/18/11

I feel you here even though you are unseen.
Your presence lingers, like the scent of clean linen on the air.
You come to me in the moments that I am hovering
In between your world and mine;

Sometimes I want to scream for you to take me with you;
Sometimes I am afraid that you will.
You come to me as I am falling to my knee’s, like
An angel of mercy you pick me up and steady my feet.
It’s like you know when I can no longer go, and I
Can no longer deal.

I’m not running from you, just the process in between
Where I get to you and what I have to go through to get there.
I know that I am stubborn, and I don’t always listen like I should.
I’m trying to be quiet now; I’m trying to be still.

With my head bowed and a deep breath, I surrender.
I surrender to you and the comfort you bring.
I surrender to the love that surrounds me, and the
Peace that it bestows upon me.
I surrender to that which is more than I am; to energy in
My life that knows what I do not – and will guide me if only I
Take the time to listen.

I surrender to you….the angels who bless me with their
Loving presence and watch over me, always;
Especially when I feel small.
I feel you, but I cannot see you, at least not
With my eyes…I feel you though, in my mind
And the very core of my soul.
I know I am not alone.
I surrender.

copyright ©
~KDK~ 12/27/2008