It hurts to grow sometimes, even when its not physical growth, but internal spiritual growth.
It hurts because we have to let go of people and places,  
and of ideas and wishes that just no longer serve a purpose in our lives.
I equate these growing phases to the way a snake will shed its skin,
or the way the mystical phoenix burns to ashes, only to be re-born again.
I often feel like a caterpillar withdrawing from everyday movement in the external world
and burrowing in to my self made cocoon, while I transform and complete another internal metamorphosis.
It gets cramped and dark in there, but the rewards received when I emerge
are some of the most beautiful rewards I could hope for.

I’m coming out of the cocoon again; stretching my wings… lifting my head to the sun.
He brought me to it, and He always brings me through it.
I can smile again and mean it, I can feel strong inside and feel a sense of accomplishment.
I’m getting there by the grace of something so much bigger than myself and even though it hurts sometimes, nothing worth having ever comes without at least a little sacrifice.
04/30/09

I’m saying exactly what I’m saying
I’m expressing how I feel…
And I feel stupid
Foolish
Naïve
For once again spinning in
Circles in my head
As you dance around me.
It’s like riding the same roller coaster
All **** day;
Waiting, waiting for a change of direction or….
Knowing too well that it wont be coming; but
I wait and I spin…
Around and around
Spiraling deeper into life
09/18/11

I feel you here even though you are unseen.
Your presence lingers, like the scent of clean linen on the air.
You come to me in the moments that I am hovering
In between your world and mine;

Sometimes I want to scream for you to take me with you;
Sometimes I am afraid that you will.
You come to me as I am falling to my knee’s, like
An angel of mercy you pick me up and steady my feet.
It’s like you know when I can no longer go, and I
Can no longer deal.

I’m not running from you, just the process in between
Where I get to you and what I have to go through to get there.
I know that I am stubborn, and I don’t always listen like I should.
I’m trying to be quiet now; I’m trying to be still.

With my head bowed and a deep breath, I surrender.
I surrender to you and the comfort you bring.
I surrender to the love that surrounds me, and the
Peace that it bestows upon me.
I surrender to that which is more than I am; to energy in
My life that knows what I do not – and will guide me if only I
Take the time to listen.

I surrender to you….the angels who bless me with their
Loving presence and watch over me, always;
Especially when I feel small.
I feel you, but I cannot see you, at least not
With my eyes…I feel you though, in my mind
And the very core of my soul.
I know I am not alone.
I surrender.

copyright ©
~KDK~ 12/27/2008

I got lost in an old familiar song;
The clips in my mind were of us singing
Mary J’s, Be Without You;
I heard her voice, but I saw you lip
Syncing the words to me in the back seat of the car.

I’ve never laughed or loved so hard, I’ve
Never wanted something so badly, yet felt the
Need to escape it, just as intensely.
It’s funny how our minds recall what our
Hearts work to forget.

There was always warmth in your eyes for me;
Unspoken moments when volumes were said.
You knew me deeper than anyone ever has,
You loved me more than anyone else has ever tried to.
And sometimes, I find it hard to be without you.

You left a hole that no one can fill, a
Void that I won’t let anyone near…I
Still defend you like a faithful lover, even
Though you’re no longer here.

Although I know I’m better off where I am
I still have moments when the memories of our
Lazy Sundays in bed, our electric looks across a room
And the laughter that we shared makes it so **** hard
To be without you