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nostalgix Nov 2014
11/15/14 11:44 am*

I am everything and nothing at all.

I am everything and nothing at all.

I am everything and nothing.

I am *every nothing.


Every ounce of worth left is

forced into choking back tears,

hiding private fears in public places.

What used to be strength and light,

is now dark and slight.

The intentions were pure,

my future was sure.

Potential was there,

too bad I just couldn't care.

I went to bed that night

hoping for paradise.

What did I receive?

Another fall down the

rabbit hole of despair.

I awaken to see clouds of sorrow

yet again.

And again..

And again...

When will it ever end?
nostalgix Oct 2014
In the world in which I live
I am lost
with no direction.
No arrow to lead me on my way,
to guide me to my future.
I once had direction;
had a path to garuntee my success.
Then the creations flew off
gone like the hope for better days.
Now I am a lost wanderer.
Desperately searching for something new.
Something of promise,
something of passion,
something.
Anything to make myself,
to make a name for myself,
a life for myself.
Any new idea or new goal.
An arrow to guide my way.
All
I
need
is
*direction
nostalgix Sep 2014
Today was my first good day.
I took some pills
to numb the pain away.
They helped me focus too.
I focused on my work so much in fact
that I didn't stop to think of you.
Then at twelve
I took a break to get high,
I wanted to feel light.
I didn't zone out
or get tired
because the pills kept my mind rolling.
I didn't think of death.
I didn't think of pain.
I didn't even contemplate how I ruined us.
I thought of beautiful people,
analyzed the flaws of capitalism,
even reopened an old book.
For the first time since you left,
I didn't feel the urge to run away.
I again longed to be my best self.
I enjoyed the company of others.
I didn't crave being alone.
I felt today,
for the first time since you broke me,
the corners of my mouth
curve up to form a toothy smile.
And today I heard myself laugh again.
I thought,
that maybe today,
I broke out of the oblivion of depression
that you single handedly locked me in.
But then I was reminded,
that these magic pills of mine
mimick happiness.
I realized then,
that the only way
to escape manmade oblivion,
is to stitch yourself into the ever present
fabric of death.

— The End —