I love you, heart and soul
Please, just disappear
I laugh at death, but a life of separation from you is my greatest fear

Can't imagine an existence without you, and wish you ceased to be
Though it sounds cliche, it doesn't feel that way, it's for you that my heart bleeds
Can't eat, sleep, or think through all this pain
After inexplicable joy of our first meeting
Separation has left me maimed

You deserve iridescent sunsets, realized dreams, all the best
Why won't you just fade into the grey mass of human strangers like the rest?

I wish you didn't need me too
I hate that I hate to love you

Canned latte, water, fruit punch Rip-It
Gulp it, down it, chug it, sip it
In the gunner's sling, sway side to side
240B in the cradle, M4 right side

Talk of ***
Talk of food
It's all allowed
Nothing's too crude
Sometimes you talk
Sometimes you listen
Don't talk later 'bout what's said on mission
Check alleyways, balconies, traffic, rooftops
At five miles-an-hour, this convoy never stops

Red Bull, Gatorade, citrus Rip-It
Gulp it, down it, chug it, sip it
In the gunner's sling, sway side to side
240B in the cradle, shotgun left side

In the distance, flashes of white light
Watch them bloom throughout the green night
Was it dust lightning? Was it a bomb?
Don't matter to us, this mission carries on
Two hours to dawn, eight hours 'til we're done
Check balconies, traffic, alleyways, rooftops
At five miles-an-hour, this convoy never stops

In a fit of pique truths were written.
In a moment of reflection all was deleted.
Platitudes were written back instead.
Who am I to speak of the dead?

A wife was ungrateful with truth.
Did a pen pal want
what the sacred vows of marriage
Make unacceptable realities?
For whom would I have written? Who would it have pleased?

Staring at a fresh e-mail in humbled wonderment
that someone would give decent pretense to care
I -safely back from war- now ask: what do you want to know?
Do you really want to know?

Is it my place to tell
of seeing a man's insides
on the outside
of a vehicle who's occupants he unwittingly saved
by stepping on the landmine instead?
The mine splattered the survivors' vehicle in red.

Is it my place to tell
Of listening to the medic's confession?
Hearing him speak of tasting the blood in the air
like pennies on his tongue.
There's a tale I haven't heard sung!

I met my Shadow
I embraced him so deeply that I
As I had existed before
Ceased to be.
The naive child thinking it was Light
The Predatory Survivor others (cowards!) may judge as Dark
Were forged together
Stronger perhaps
Time will tell
As the alloy of two selves is unified by a personal hell

Cheering at outgoing steel rain
Laughing after the whizzing of bullets is a memory
Running, racing to donate more blood
Mourning the fallen while bathed in the dim red glow of chem lights
Watching honored corpses loaded in near darkness for their last helicopter flights

Is this what you wanted to hear?

Perhaps you knew.
Perhaps you imagined you knew.
Regardless
For your consideration
Thank you

For your innocent
Well-intentioned
Beautifully petty
Gloriously naive
And honest letters
Thank you.
Truly

No horror.
No horror?
I feel no horror.
No fear or disgust.
Wasn't this red, dripping paste
A rational person
A distant friend
A battle-buddy
an hour ago?

His dreams, hopes, desires are splattered on the truck.
His life and loves are a chunky puddle soaking in the sand.
A torn boot found freedom in a parched field.
The foot stayed with the rest
It had grown quite attached after carrying a lifetime of recently splattered dreams.

The horror!  No horror.
A lingering sadness.
A detached coldness.
I feel unfeeling.

The treeline is leveled.
The joy!  The cheering!
The enemy paint the river rocks red.
Bury them in splinters!

What a waste of human courage.

Homeward now.
Stand tall for the customary congratulations
And hear sanctimonious cowards explain the meaning of it all.

It takes too much energy
To see seven billion shades of humanity.
The answer is simple: the world's two-sided.
The right side
is my side
don't bother with shades, I've tried that.

It feels so good to feel this irate.
You can see the energy
given to me
by my justified hate.
Man, this anger feels great!

*******, we've created a cartoon villain!
How else do you explain the world we live in?
Come join us.
Add your voice to our chorus.
If you truly do have a questioning mind
How can you not see the glory of my side?

Forget it.  We don't want you, you've swallowed their lies
You have the same disease that infects the minds
of the soulless drones that move through their hives
blind and ignorant for all of their lives
clinging to those lies till the day that they die.

To imply that our hate has any resemblance to theirs
shows how little you have working upstairs.
We're right and they're wrong.  We just want everyone to be free
from the chains they've forged on the majority of humanity.
Our solution is so obvious anyone not evil will agree!
Why are you still asking more questions?
Haven't you been listening throughout this lesson?

Celebrate justified hate!  Bask in righteousness!
If you don't agree, feed my anger, then give me your silence.

My bones taste like chalk
My blood tastes like copper
Pursuit of dreams needs subsistence

I consume myself today to find my tomorrow
Hopeful, I pull myself bleeding forward
I must endure
I can almost reach it

I laugh as I spit in Death's face
He doesn't seem to mind
I'll be his in due time

I smile as I float in the sky
Then I parachute land
Break my ankle in the sand

I grin as I race down the road
Make a dangerous turn
Smell tires burn

I whoop as I jump off the cliff
Watch jagged edges fly past
Hit the water with a splash

As a child, cheer as I leep from the swing
Hit the ground at high speed
Scraped my knees, now I bleed

I crow as I ride the wave
Get smacked to the seafloor
Swim for air, I want more

When Death finally catches up
I won't be any more dead
Than those who lived safer lives than I led