i hate poetry
but i thrive within it
the jackassery
the relevancy of self
let me feel important for once
oops it is forgotten
that i am important all the time
but only to myself

it’s all so strange; it won’t get out

i am ablaze, every single part

stiff with heat

take it out of me, take it out of me

please take it out of me

i can feel it shifting in my bones

the details are hazy but the burden might be too much to bear

the disconnect is too strong; you can’t get back

(i wish something mattered
anything
i wish i mattered
somewhere
to someone)

there are so many things i never wanted to know
and now they won't leave
i never wanted to know
i do not want to know

i don't want to think
i want to be ignorant and unaware
i want to lose my mind and let myself go

it's hurting very suddenly
stabbing ripping tearing slipping
skull enclosing and collapsing
brains squelching out crevices

there are so many things i never wanted to know
but i didn't get a choice

there are so many things i didn't want to feel
but i didn't have a choice

i wish something mattered
i wish i mattered

there are so many things

is there wind beneath my wings?
will i ever rise up and fly?
the light says no!!
*so where do i go