words words words i am so tired of words words words words words words (i fly with repitition) words but i thrive on them they keep me going but (but but but but) i don’t want words (bring it all together) they don’t convey what needs to be conveyed they don’t show what i need to show

i speak and i think in the generals
i speak and i think and i immediately forget what was
spoken and thought
i speak and i think and i worry
i speak and i think and i contradict myself
i speak and i think and i portray an image of myself to others
i speak and i think and i don’t trust
i speak and i think

i dont know anything anymore
thats not okay to anyone else
i must know
i cant know
its hard because i dont give a ****
but sometimes i do
and when i do it is hard

the conflicting feelin of
wanting to bleed and
not wanting to bleed
they say its addicting because of the chemicals
in your body
that respond
and you still want it
over and over
and i want it
but beyond the chemicals i think
actually im not sure
i dont know anything anymore

i am asleep
goodnight friend
melancholy
my head spins
my nose tickles
oh i am in the car
with my mom
and she is yelling at me
oops i forgot
i don’t know if i should pay attention
probably not
there goes a red ball
lying in the gutter
there it is
streaked with dirt
goodbye red ball
goodnight old friend

everyone is trippin ballz and i wanna do acid
i wanna live in a tent with a flap and some pants and thats it
i could live on beans and veggies
i could have ***** feet and rotten mouth taste
id do that in exchange for happiness
in exchange to understand and grasp
pure. happiness..
my stomach hurts
where am i

I am not losing my mind I am losing my mind. I am not sick I am sick. I am not okay I am okay. I am not here right now I am here right now. I am not calm I am calm. I am not confused I am confused. I am not lost I am lost. I do not understand I understand. I can not move I can move. I can not breathe I can breathe. I can not pretend I can pretend. I am not responsible I am responsible. I am not happy I am happy. I do not believe in myself I do believe in myself. I am not aware I am aware. I am not trouble I am trouble. I am not hungry I am hungry. I am not sick I am sick. I am not full I am full. I am not empty I am empty. I am not creative I am creative. I am not worth it I am worth it.