leaves are always falling down from the trees, straying from the branches, but i never thought that you would leave me. i may have thought plenty of others would, but you- you caught me by surprise. i didn't expect your departure. i didn't expect you to just walk out the door, without a word. it was like you wanted to, like you always did, deep down inside, and i had just given you the means to escape. escape from what? my love? my care? maybe it was too much for you. maybe i was in, and you were out there, far, far out there, and it was all simply an illusion that you wanted me. that you wanted this. i suppose in that way, i'm just a sapling. i believed you were going to stay with me forever, through even the coldest of the seasons. all the eldest of trees told me you wouldn't, but i believed, for once more in my life. and i was let down, yet again.

i guess i'll have to get used to this continuous torment, until i find the ones that do stay.

i just hope it's soon. i've never hoped so much for anything.

i just want somebody to stay.

and there are a million things i wish i could hear you say,
but i won't, because you don't feel the same way anymore.
*that's okay.

i'll never stop wanting to look out for you. not even if we don't talk anymore, not even if we aren't friends anymore, not even if you hate me, not even if you had insulted me or betrayed me in the worst way possible. you could **** me, and i would still think; only the best for you. say what you will, but my care is forever. if my heart gets attached to you, it will remain there, because if i let you in. if i shared my thoughts and my feelings. you must have been one special human, and i will always have your back, i will always be there for you, i will always want your happiness, i will always want to know you are okay, and safe. i will always just care, a whole awful lot. and i could deny it, but there's never been any point in that. so just know; i care.

i don't love you. i'm in love with you, and sometimes people don't really even get the difference, but think of it this way; for a while and forever, are quite different things. one promises an always, while the other promises you a part in time.

i'd never felt that kind of love; the one
where it consumes you and makes you feel whole.
i never felt that, until i met you.

i feel so free from up here.
i'm at the edge of the balcony, holding onto the railing, just looking out into the city, with the cool breeze brushing against my face and past me...
then oh so sweetly; i have this beautiful sight in front of me.
god, i love new york.

i've always been alone.
i guess people caring, has just never been a norm for me