You wanted me to grow.
In the light in the cracks.
But, I receded back into my crevice.

And, you left.
I don't blame you.
Yet.

You never asked if I liked the darkness.

To be forward.
I love the night.
Hidden places no one goes.
Unspeakable things in unknown spaces.
Unobtrusive and unobserved.
I want to fluctuate.

Like
The undulations of twilight.
The peace when everyone is.

Asleep.

I don't really wanna live.
I want to be forgotten.
Erased from the footnotes.

Improperly quoted.
Gone before we got acquainted.

A ghost.

Embedded in irrelevant.

I'll etch these words onto my soul.
Embedding information on space time.
Til the black holes consume it.

I wish I was dead.
I wish I wasn't here.
I wish I wasn't breathing, thinking, seeing, feeling.
Anything other than hate, anger, and depression.

Dismal derided desolation.
Living low, down and out.
Merely getting through each day.
An eternal indictment of my distaste.

For.
Existing.

And, I take it personal.
That God won't let me die.

*******.
I didn't wanna exist.

Yet here I am.

Stuck with.
More unanswered prayers.

Another miserable day.
For me.
The odd offending out cast.
Ostracized imbecile.
Anti social apathetic apophenia.

Finding patterns in nothing.
Curt blasphemies.
Paranoid projections.

And, I'm frustrated.
With how incapable I am.
At intuiting.
Anything social.

And.

If this rage had a direction.
It would be inside.
Even though it's other people who make me mad.

Being strange is a sentence.
Assuming I'm a drug addict.
Cause I don't wear ugly jeans and terrible tshirts.

What did multiculturalism ever get me.
Besides being judged.

On how I look.
By musty smelling.
Strangers.

And, friend.
I don't look good.
To you.

Cause you have no taste or
spark of creativity.
Maybe try something sensible.
That everyone else does.
***** dismal polo shirts.
Tacky khakis.

I wouldn't care.
If I didn't have to.
Talk to you.

In your.
Broken English.

You mistake beautiful soliloquies to myself.
For stupidity.
Cause you ain't got a lexicon.
Enough to comprehend what I say.

And, your terrible mispronounced nonsense.
Is incomprehensible.

But, I guess.
I'm the strange one.

I'm the drug addict degenerate.
Who you won't hire.
Because of your cultural assumptions.
You imported.
Here.

My so called home.

Stranger in a strange land.
That used to be where I lived.

The walls of my life are falling apart.
Into the rubble of pathetic despair.

My body starts to fail.
Again.
******* away each fragile opportunity.
Until there were none left.

It gets hard to enjoy things.
When everything gets worse.
My hermit hiki ko mori stasis.
My isolation in my room.
Poignantly hits me.

And,
I am strange and unusual.
Poorly worded
and dumb.

I breathe self loathing.