Nolan Bucsis

Nolan Bucsis Nov 2019

Erryday

I can't get going.
On this horribly dull day.
I'm depressed.
As always.

And,
There's no hope.
No help.
No sympathy.
No nothing.

Not for me.

Just staring at a wall.
Distractions.
And.
Death.

Nolan Bucsis Nov 2019

I can't

Measured and metered.

Everything nice.
Beauty and spice.

We're all just some drone.

Out there in this magnificent future they wrote about.

In magazines.

In story books.

In the infinite imagination of the next slug to crawl out of the mud and screams at the lack.
Of meaning.
In this.
Life.

No.
I don't want to believe in a better tomorrow.

I can't.

Nolan Bucsis Nov 2019

Torpor

Am I as important to you.
As you are to me.

I hold onto these memories.
Even though I've tried to forget.

And, you were my everything.

And, you were my light.

And,
Now.

I just stare vacant into the soft whimper I've become.
Feed my isolation.

Stare at the wall.

Nolan Bucsis Nov 2019

Procrastination

Someday never came.
And I'm not.
As smart.
Or handsome.
Or strong.
As I once thought I was.

Like these words.
I'm forced and poorly put together.
And I have no friends.
No spare lovers in my bedroom.

No life.

Just the constant isolation.
Years of distractions.
From this oh so scarred skin stretched taught over a wasted life.

And is it as clear to you.
As it is to me.

We're all just mediocre.

Hiding our faults with.
Tomorrow will be better.
Tomorrow I'll get there.

Tomorrow.
Everything.
Will.
Be.
Just.
Fine

Nolan Bucsis Sep 2019

It's never that good

I have nothing left.
To give you.
I gave it all away.

And now.
I stare into nothingness.
The abyssal night of stupidity.

Too many drugs when I was young.

And I can't make friends.
Don't know how.

And the words I used to relish.
Come so slowly and imprecise.
I chain smoke thought the days.

And escape more often than naught.

Into
One of my many vices.
Anything.
To stop my brain from thinking.

This is all hopeless.
And you're a ******* .
Who deserves nothing.

Nolan Bucsis Sep 2019

Fumbling through my wordsat

I've lost all the eloquence.
I had when I was young.
And now I express myself.
In grunts and moans.
And ugly things.

And it's far too late for teenage angst.

So
Why do I still feel this way.
So unconnected and discombobulated.
Fumbling through my words.

Nolan Bucsis Sep 2019

Out there

I imagine she's out there.
In that lauded by and by.
Thinking of me.

I hope.

Yet.
I don't know who she is.
And I understand.

She'll just.
Find.
Someone else.
Someone better.

Cause I'm just ossified in my regret.
Depressed because I'm alive.
Socially absent.

Living alone gets me down.
But I long for her hypothetical embrace.
Her ill defined face.

And my love.
For some ghost.
I can only imagine.
Out there.