Nolan Bucsis

Nolan Bucsis Jul 2018

And still that gnawing absence eats and tears me.
That depression.
In liminal time.
That constant self doubt.

And a desire to run away from it.
All.
Again.
I don't want to face another disappointment.
Another bad choice.

So,
I make none.
And just fade away into the ambience in the background.

Nolan Bucsis Jul 2018

Not Today

I sit and wait for some sort of miracle.
But nothing ever comes.

And, I've gotten used to being alone.
Passing the time between here and.
Eternity.
Motionless.
Agape at an absurd universe that taunts me.
With lies of success.

Tomorrow.
Tomorrow is always fixed in my mind as some antediluvian.
Memory I don't have.
Tomorrow.
Where I'll fix what's wrong with me.
Do the things I talk about.

But, not today.
Never today.
Today is for the nostalgia of coulda done better.

Nolan Bucsis Jul 2018

Steal

Everything.
I.
Have.

It's not worth much anyway.

Nolan Bucsis Jul 2018

I don't

Believe.
A.
Word.
You.
Say.

Nolan Bucsis Jul 2018

Something

I'll wake up tomorrow and you'll be in my dreams.
Stuck.
A good memory gone bad.

And I'll see you in her face.

Hear your in her voice.

And I'll push her away.
Too.

Nolan Bucsis Jul 2018

Yesteryears

I'm old now.
Older than I ever was.
Such a simple dilemma.
Looking at pictures of myself.
From a lifetime ago.

Nolan Bucsis Jul 2018

Cheating on depression

Joy has never really come to me.
That easily.
But, when I'm happy.
It feels so sublime.
And, I cling to it.
Like a jealous.
Lover.