I never wanted to grow up.
With aches and pains.
Poor posture.
An acrid abnormal hack.
Damaged nerves.
Deteriorating conditions.

Nah.
Not me.
I was expecting an exaggerated.
Night of narcotic negation.
Too many pills.
Too ******* bad.

Instead I became resilient.
A diamond ranting at the coal.
A piece of tin.
I just keep going.
Along with my mind.

Sometimes I feel.
Like.
Self immolation.

An internal.
Explosion.

Destroying myself.

I don't remember ever having a future.
That went beyond how high can I get today.
With the poverty drawn in my ***** clothes.
On those lazy hazy sunny days I just wanted to stop.
I can't recall thinking past right now.

I wasn't supposed.
To live this long.
I was supposed to die in my own personal catastrophe.
My own holy explosion.
Found in the gutter.
Face down.

It was some subtle suicide.
That only my lucky friends managed.
To do.

There's never been anything out here.
Nothing but the barking of coyotes.
Grass green, moss painted rocks, and spear grass.
Crickets singing you to sleep.
In the abysmal doldrums.
In.
The heart of the prairie.

We just.
Die.
And in our death.
Fulfill our destiny
There's nothing out here.
Just dying slowly.
And.
Self immolation.