I don't show you the pain inside
I leave it bottled up,
to boil,
and boil,
and boil.
All on the inside.
I don't let anyone in,
I don't tell anyone the things
that constantly run through my head.
All night,
all day I do nothing but think.
I can't stop thinking.
I don't sleep anymore,
I don't eat anymore.
All I think about is the bad,
I'm starting to distance myself,
everyone I care about doesn't understand.
How could I tell them?
That all I think about is the bad,
I'm no good anymore.
But how do I tell them?

They say that they eyes are the windows,
the windows to the soul.
When you look into to mine
what do you see.
I have one eye that is light,
do you see my happy past there.
I have one that is dark,
do you see my secrets there.
Sometimes I wonder what its like,
to see myself from someone elses eyes.
Do they see the light and the dark,
they don't ever notice right away.
My eyes show my happy,
they show my sad.
My eyes are special,
they are different then yours.
My eyes show to souls.
One for each color.

Today everything is my fault,
I cant do anything right.
Anything I say gets taken the wrong way.
I feel sick but because you feel down it’s all about you
Nothing I do is right.
You wont let me help.
You get mad at me for trying to help.
You get mad at me for telling you how it is,
You are making things worse.
You left.
You left me to deal with this on my own.
I have moments to,
Not that you would know because its never about me
But I guess its all my fault.
Ill take the blame,
You can just tell everyone how im an ***.
Tell the people what they want to here….
Noelle did it again.
She cant make anything right,
She cant make anyone happy,
She cant keep anyone because shes to much of a *****.
Tell them how its all my fault,
Its all my fault for trying to help you,
For telling you what I know,
For getting mad that I cant help.
Tell them.
Tell them how you see it.
Tell them so they know I cant do anything right.
Tell them because they deserve to know too.
Tell them because its always my fault.
Tell them because they already know.
They know how I am.
I self destruct,
I blow up,
I get mad,
I get sad,
I have emotions to.
I have moments where I break,
Where I remember,
Where I can barely breath because of what happened.
But that doesn’t matter,
Because I don’t matter.

Today is a new day,
there is no fighting.
The sun is shining,
there is no more violence.
The birds are singing,
there are no screams of pain.
The flowers are blooming,
the bruises are disappearing.
Today I am alone,
you are gone.
Today I am stronger,
I know my worth,
I have purpose once again.
Today I am free.

Why is it that I tell you Im sad and you think Im trying to make everything about me.
I tell you why Im acting the way I am and its still all my fault.
I say I need help but that doesn't even matter,
if I need help Im on my own to find it.
Your supposed to be the one who provides for me,
who takes care of me,
and who protects me.
Lately you've done nothing
you stand by and you watch me fall apart,
but when all the pieces come falling down
you don't help me pick them up instead you yell at me for getting this bad.
Thanks mom you sure help a lot.

The rolling waves of the ocean
splash up on the sand.
I watch, as a
little child builds a castle.
I watch the couple,
holding hands.
I watch the clouds
as they cover up the sun.
I watch the sun
go down and touch the waves.
I watch as you walk away from me.
I watch the waves break the castle.
I watch couple let go,
and walk their separate ways.
I watch the clouds become darker.
I watch the sun slowly disappear,
not knowing if it will be back tomorrow
because I know that you wont be.

The big weeping willow
stands in the background,
of our favorite spot.
We come here on the good days,
on the bad days,
on everyday we can.
On hot days
we sit beneath the willow.
On cloudy days
We lay with our heads peeking,
out from under the branches.
The days we come
grow farther and farther apart.
They soon stop,
suddenly and all together.
I come here by myself now,
and sit beneath the willow,
I sit beside your grave.

Everything that has happened
it has happened for a reason.
The things you did,
only made me stronger.
The things you said,
only made me wiser.
The things you took from me.
only made me appreciate the other things.
Everyone says you ruined my life,
but you made me better.
What you did was horrid,
but it made me who I am today.
Today I am kind,
I am beautiful,
I am loved,
I am smart,
I am me.
Something you can never take from me.
You made me who I am today,
and that is the only thing I can thank you for.