I’ve been staring on those blank pages
for half my young life
yet I fall into rage as the words feel like knifes
only if others throw them at me.
Why? Why?? Can’t I just lay down?
Feels like I’ll never be grown.
And suddenly I feel warm rivers rushing down my face
and I cannot identify if it is my blood, or is it my tears
is it the blank pain? or just the following fears?
Maybe it’s nothing but kindness. A battle, a war I chose.
Where’s my sword, my shield, no, where is my side,
where my field.
And I try to see through the fog
try to catch the stars which are falling like tear drops
from the dark sky. My hands they burn, as I hold those
golden diamonds from above.
Would you believe me, that this man is still just a boy
who likes to play hide and seek,but is way too good in hiding,
no one ever would find him. Sometimes he would forget himself
where his secret base is.
And from his secret sanctuary he would see death.
He would see pain and demons, who try to grab him,
no peace in mind, all what’s searchin’ for him are lies.
He always just wanted to become the big mountain in the horizon.
The ones lightened up by the sun, where all the birds loved flying to.
Now, watching in the mirror there is no boy, no frank smile.
No innocence. All he sees are two gates sharing with him
the melancholy of a sad life.
Who is this person in front of me, who is telling me to die,
to not deny hatred, to lie, to bring the demon from inside?
If I watch him in the eyes, after a while I get blind.
All I see is darkness.
No, not me! That’s not me! Everyone else, but I won’t become like that.
It won’t be us. You and me, we’re not them. We’ll fly like Icarus and if I fall into the sea, nearing the death, drowning, catching for a helping hand, I throw a last glance at the mountains in the horizon, lightened up by the sun, with a beautiful pure white peak. That white, you only can see on those blank pages.