Ah,
My beloved,
A name from god knows when.

I know you are my heartbreak,
And I know you are my truth.

If anyone’s ever abused me,
I know it has been you.

Sometimes when I sit down and remember my past,
I remember sitting down and thinking of the future.
I remember moments that I send back.
I remember when I thought they were new.
Like my childhood was a configuration,
To see what I could do.

The moment I stopped.

When you didn’t love me.

The times I said no.

A burn.

A heart wrenched.

A gasp.

Sometimes I want you.

That constant buzzing you give,
A caught word,
A loose note,
A tiny zip through the air.
I hate and relish you.

I hope to see you eye to eye,
And when I miss you you are gone,
But when I need you most
I don't know it.

And you are there.

I know I have
To address
This issue.

I
Don’t
Know
How.

Especially since you are a concept,
Not a number.

You are a tiger in the bushes,
Waiting,
Watching,
Hungry.

Calm and collected but with the threat of sharp teeth,
Of tearing,
Of irreparable tears.

If we do anything together it is dance,
And we gracefully change
From lead to lead,
Waiting for someone to step on our toes.

What firey hell they await.

You are all of the worlds I have left behind,
Unfinished,
Forgotten,
And loved.

I remember all of your people,
They way they spoke,
Their freckles,
Their hands,
I never wanted to abandon you.