in delicate light that the dust sifts through,
piano keys dared to move
one by one in ghostly tunes
in a long forgotten and empty room.

an empty room.

a dead empty room that I peered into
and lost my breath just as soon,
stared ‘til sun became the moon,
and as I stood longer, enchantment grew.

my enchantment grew.

my enchantment grew and I walked up to
the magical ivory that made me swoon
made me weep and bid adieu
to the physical world I felt untrue.

I felt it was untrue.

it was untrue, world I thought I knew-
ugly, next to this new view,
so to music, I withdrew,
toward golden, shimmering, and brand new.

something so brand new.

so brand new that I knew not what to do-
it was lonely without you
and white keys were painted blue,
so I parted the blue with my canoe.

my own canoe.

my own canoe led me right back to you-
as I paddled in that stew,
everything thing I thought I knew
became the bits and pieces crashing through.

sharp pangs of anger make me bitter, make me cold


until

you touch my face
or

graze my elbow
or

look my way

and
I
melt.

Ruin me.
Tear me up
and make me something new-
something used.
Ruin me.

Step on me.
Crush me down
to a thousand pieces-
a million.
Step on me.

Do as you please.
Feed me the poison,
and I’ll swallow it
if it’s from your hand.

There is an *****
inside of my chest
that squeezes out liquid
to feed to the rest

It keeps me alive,
sustains my breathing,
but with its attributes
it is quite deceiving-

My very own heart!
It’s tied to a string
that is tangled with yours
and all that you bring.

happy.

such a pitiful word.

happy birthday!
you try to grin,
but no one showed.
you are ashamed.

and then your mother sings

                    alone.

your chin quivers,
your eyes water,
but you won’t cry
and break her heart.

she’s trying so hard. So,
you fake a smile
open presents
give her a hug

and then pretend
to be happy.

sad little thing,
you should not know
what it feels like

to be
lonely.

I’m tired of your wit, you know.
Tired of your apathy show.
To think that to not give a ****
makes you a better, (wiser) man!

I’m tired of these gross facades
that you rule the world, that you are god.
Quite frankly you are all the same-
I’ve broken you and found your game.

You add a pause, then charming word,
then smirk as if you’d gone unheard.
And all the books and movie screens
are draining out their blood, it seems.

So give me something beautiful,
without wit, but sparkling with soul.
Give me words that grow like vines
out of this production line.

my soul is trying to break through
            (rip through)

                          my skin

climb out and pull me into you
             as you

                          breathe in




my body though, it won’t uncurl
               (unfurl)

                          its fists

I am trapped inside of a girl,
                girl who

                         persists



so while my soul is stuck inside,
               (outside

                          your shell)

I guess our atoms that collide
               provide

                          their cells

to let our bodies intertwine-
               a wine

                          to taste

for but a moment, what defines
             (I find)

                         your face.

nothing surrounds me
but the deep shade of indigo
that I am lost in,
speckled with diamonds
and sparkling with the lustrous satin glow of the moon.
I want to melt into it.

I feel beautiful-
the ground is cool against my skin
as I lie undressed,
the wind kissing me,
its touch foreign and divine, exploring and gentle.
I want to give myself to it.  

And while I am lost,
your lips graze my bare shoulder
and I turn to You
and stare hard at You-
your hands are warm as you pull my body close to yours.

You are the universe.
I want to melt into You.
I am yours.

Shoe laces- unraveling
spilling down the stairs
Raw blisters- ceaseless throbbing
soles begin to tear:
worn out,
torn up,

Pulled In.

I think I’ll like it here.


Soft crashes- they’re echoing
murmur into fizz
Singing wind- it’s gesturing
“come and see what is:”
lovely,
striking,

Haunting.

Moved by the water’s kiss.


Loud voices- painful screeching
pierce into my skin
People laugh- unnoticing
of others’ pain within:
begging,
hopeless,

Smiling.

I cannot help but grin.

Explosions of Colors,
Clashing and bright-
Giving me headaches
Harassing at night.
The Chattering of Birds
Noisy and high
Lacking a rhythm
And crowding the sky

Eyes closed, ears shut-the jolts-screams-splashes-jeers-spirals-pounding-faces future-people-fear- noise Noise NOISE-

and then…
it rains

and the world is painted blue
and no one can control it,
and there is nothing left to do.

I wish that I was small-
small enough to climb
into your ear
and into
your head

Once I am in your head
I can touch your brain
kissing it all,
making it
better

I could fix all the pain
the pain that sits there
and lingers on
even when
lips meet

I feel so helpless, love
that I can’t fix it
like I’m meant to
with only
my love.

So I wish to be small
to live on your brain
and keep you safe
from all that
haunts you.

I lay in the bed across from you.
How could I not have heard
your gasps of air,
your sobs,
leaking from you
like blood leaks
from a dying body?

I pretended that I was asleep,
That I was somewhere else
lost in a dream-
too far
to hear the sound
of crumbling
as you melted away.

I can sit here, yes?
You don’t mind.
You hold me, not trembling.
I think if I just breathe,
you understand
and leak your strength into me
starting with my bare toes
all the way into my brain.
You let me rest.

May I live here, please?
Just us two.
You and I, lovely and free.
I think if I’m alone,
I’ll be myself
and find life within myself
starting with my red heart
leaking to my pale face.
We’ll be okay.

“Pass me the salt”-
    screeches of metal on glass,
    tinkling glasses
    crunching and chewing and slurping
No one says a word.

Staring at plates
    smeared with the residue,
    covered with crumbs
    everything running together
Avoiding all eyes.

Sometimes,
it is less lonely
to sit in solitude
than at the family dinner table.