i like going to the beach
the beach is fun
i like the ocean
i love the waves

especially when they carry me
when they hit me
it’s so peaceful
i don’t like when they hit me too hard

or when the water gets in my nose
and slowly gets into my lungs
it makes me cough
it makes me choke

i try to make it stop
i try to cough it up
but i can’t, just like him
i am drowning

feelings hands all over me
tastes i don’t like
i can’t breathe
i want to get away

i don’t want to drown
but i can’t escape
im trying to scream
im trying to breathe

but it holds me down
i feel marked
torn apart
i feel breathless

i am five years old
daddy’s girl, waiting to be tucked in
as he does so, he says get some sleep
he’ll be here in the morning

its the morning, he’s there
we go out, but soon we have to leave
he says he’s sorry, he has to work
but he’ll make it up to me

i am ten years old
on the couch waiting to be picked up
im going out with my dad
he says he’ll be here soon

it’s been two hours, he won’t make it
he has to work
he said he’ll make it up to me
so i don’t worry

i am fifteen years old
i haven’t heard from my dad in years
he didn’t say he had to work
he did not make it up to me

i am no longer daddy’s girl
i am not waiting to be tucked in
i am not waiting on the couch
i am not waiting for a response

it feels like a boulder
thats crushing your internal organs
it smells like gasoline poising your body  you still wanting to smell more
knowing it is bad for you
it taste like blood
after you have just bitten your tongue

it is like a book that makes you cry
tethered to the words it announces
in love with the story line
completely infatuated with the fantasy it offers you
but deeply hating the way it makes you feel
you close the book
swearing you will never open it again

yet you find yourself running back to it
yearning for the feeling it gave
you before it made you cry
melting at the touch
before it strikes you with a paper cut
being left with a feeling of ambivalence
wondering why something you seemingly love so much leaves you with such agony

as the moonlight pours across my windowpane, it bathes everything into a soft ethereal glow. the shadows retreat and transform everything into a still image

a silvery luminescence that is almost otherworldly. the way light dances on my walls casting its intricate pattern of light and shawdow is like a cinematographers dream

this lunar light has the power to elevate the ordinary into the extraordinary, just like daniel’s smile that can transform a mundane hallway into a sun kissed landscape

our friendship resembles this moonlit moment, gentle yet illuminating, quiet but radiating. just as the shadows cast by the moon's soft beams create depth and dimension, his presence adds richness to my life, making even the darkest moments feel less alone.