I hate this kind of feeling
Deep inside I'm screaming
But still look as if nothing's wrong
Holding back my tears for so long;
Not to look for anyone to blame
Except for myself for being so tame,
For making confusing decisions
And doing stupid actions
Showing how immature I was
Making my life look like a trash.
But hey! I still wanna do something great
Hope it's not yet too late
For me to fix up all the things I messed up
And start my journey to reach the top.

O lonely house by which I stand!
Chilling rain mingles with heartbroken tears.
Stabbed by death's cruel mocking hand
As time unfurls her once dazzling years.

Windows staring, dark empty eyes
Bygone days radiated amber glow.
Time rushes, and yesterday dies
From yearning grasp fades years of long ago.

Tiny feet patter on worn stairs
As ghosts of half forgotten tabbies play,
Oblivious to the world's cares'
Now mouldering in sodden beds of clay.

Sunlight once shimmered ev'ry pane
Casting forth her radiant honeyed rays
Where muffled drum beats winter rain
Echoing forever lost yesterdays.

Rooms with rosy-hued lamplight glowed
Wherein people talked and sang all banished
Golden laughter rang, voices flowed
In cold files of time suddenly vanished.
Life's fragile vase broken.
Kind words die unspoken.


*~Hilda~

What is it that determines an existence upon a plane
I do not even create the ***** laundry I fold
as I am clothed in the same attire day by day
forgotten
as I race through a machine that eats me alive maliciously
move by with wisps of smoke
that is alright
I drown in my own substances
albeit I do this alone
in the night
and for some reason despite everything
I still relish being alone
loving to suffer
do I exist

I see vultures circling
high above in a never ending spiral
they watch, waiting for the moment to pounce
what is taking so long
it would seem they float for hours
I sit in wonderment, pondering what it is they are preying upon
slowly, they gather closer and closer
I can almost see their beady eyes and sharp beaks
as they press on true to their mark
I grow tired as I watch, waiting to see what it is they see
for I am blind
falling asleep, I wake inevitably to see
they are preying upon me
I am the meal

There are many types of fruit in the Garden of Eden
you see, they breed in different colors
peach for the ones light of heart
turquoise for the daring of soul
green for the courageous
yellow for the timid
there is a vast array of fruit to be tried here in this never ending garden
but I myself
well, I prefer black
the absence of color
something unknown
no one knows what future the black fruit holds
so I sink my teeth in, close my eyes and pray
that God doesn't hate me fore being what I am
*human

No longer weep for me when I am gone,
Nor gaze upon this stiffened corpse once more.
Shadows slanting worn sundial on the lawn
Remind you sadly of sweet days before.
Bring me no flowers to wilt and decay
As if toys as this comfort to me gain.
Can such thy sufficient love relay
When I in my eternal sleep be lain?
Neath rugged yew tree's shade ne'er more to wake.
As unceasing ages roar forth their rage
Each ephemeral bubble too must break.
Unloose the prisoned linnet from her cage!
Roll on thou raging storm of blackest life
In all thy fury of vain human strife!

*~Hilda~

Passion coursing throughout my veins like fire
the one piece the dots will never connect
exemplified by the one, the one exception
in any given situation
the flame would still cut like jagged steel
a reminder that there can be only one
even if never touched, always that piece will be taken
if only an image could be yanked through a mirror
tortured pain
will never refrain, never go away
until then
tears never cease when you are yourself, The Devil

Like fade to white, fade to black
snippets eroding in and out
flashes on the screen
obscured in white noise
your lips
nose
moans
am I dreaming
when I am awake
I drown in your dark hair
when I allow higher brain function
and your eyes
float on clouds for eternity
I feel more at ease in the night sky
looking down
sighing, my breath the wind upon this planet