Now!
Ask Him for forgiveness,
Sujood and drift away the loneliness,
Feel the greatness of His love,
For it may be your last sujood.
Now!
Read the revelation from God,
Qoran the finest piece for you,
For it may be your last reading.
Now!
Moist your paralyze tongue,
With dhikr and tasbeeh,
Istighfar and hear the beat of your heart,
Aching for Him,
For it may be your last dhikr.
Now!
Chased for good deeds,
Locked away your oblivion,
Because it may be your last attempt.
Now...
What are you doing now?

"..You said there will never come a time when you would not be waiting for me, until the silence fell in and fell out. Few things changed, you know..My words; the words that had been enveloped in my heart, waiting for the seal to be broken, just to let out everything that had been hidden, just to unravel the secrets.. Because right now, the letters seem more audible than my bare voice.."

“I have finally slowly started to hate your existence. You know the state of your mind and body just before you drown into your sleep? The feeling is just like that. You slowly are involved into it without knowing much. But then, you are someone I had once been in love with and that creates a conflict between my heart and my mind. And it breaks my heart to accept the fact that we are not like what we were once. All the nights that we had spent together, not making love but playing action games till 12’o clock at midnight, sometimes even a bit more. Watching movies because you loved them and I could never deny watching them because you were what mattered to me more than my choices. Two scoops of ice-cream and that is exactly how you loved it. Flannel shirts, deep blue jeans and Vans that is how you carried yourself, everyday. It’s amazing and strange how things change, how promises are left to be broken even though you say you would never break them. God, I am left perplexed with these thoughts revolving around and in my head. But I swear to God, I had never wanted to hate you even though you gave me enough reasons to. I hate your existence but it shatters me; I am left shuddered. And yet, every time that I come across you or even get the slightest sight of you, I cannot help but smile. Yes, I still smile. I do not know why, but I do. I want to hit you, whack you, and slap some sense into you. Where have you been missing, where has that part to you that everyone loved, gone? I want these words to reverberate in your entire soul. I want you back. I need you back.”

a leaf falls
unattavhed from the stalk
flying in the wind

before landing
on the cold ground
manages to blow
the other leaves

do you ever wonder
about the difference between
looking at something
and the hallucination created
when looking past it?
if you look at your hand
it's all you can see
but if you look past your hand
there are now two of them
sometimes it's hard for me
to remember which is real
it gets me thinking
about how my father
used to wake me up
in the morning by rubbing
his stubble across my face
i spent my 11th birthday
under the assumption
that he might come back
if i drank his aftershave
like maybe if i could turn blue
if i could be his favorite color
on our bathroom floor
he would forget why he left
the paramedics were all sobing
as they pumped memories
out of my stomach
i coughed up the day the post-it note with your new address on it
burned a hole in our refrigerator
coughed up the day
the divorce papers came
and my mother
took a baseball bat to the mailbox
i've been choking on the splinters
for 17 years
it's been 17 years
since the last dinner plate
exploded on our dining room wall
17 years since my mother
started accidentally setting your place at the dinner table
17 years since italian night
at the restaurant on the corner
where the juke box
spat tired music
and like so many other things
it stopped working when you left
i guess it's no coincidence
since the juke box went quiet
that the cds in my car
only skip on "i miss you"
i've been hemorrhaging memories
for so long
and now that i'm looking back
i can no longer tell
the mirage from the truth
sometimes i swear
you showed up to my graduation
and last time
i was at your apartment
i can't remember
if the imprints of my hands
are in clay hanging on your wall
or if they were left in the mud
the day god had the audacity
to let it rain
or maybe it's like the time
i saw someone crying on a bridge
now that i think about it
i can't remember if it was me

Fall into an enormous jeopardy catastrophe hole,
seeking for a sacred love and some hopes,
its just too adamant to appease all,
the burdens but i’ll never fall,
as long as the faith saves me,
i’m giving my all.

Watching the ghastly sky in sight,
and the waves of the clouds seem fading,
the cloud manoeuvres gracefully as the wind blows,
and the thoughts of you emblaze my mind,
relinquish me idle helpless,
those ghastly cloud forever in sorrow.