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Nisha Sep 2018
I would wait
a thousand
years just to hear
you tell me why you left

just to you hear you
say I love you

just to see you
turn back in time
and take care of me

just to watch you
cry at my funeral

just to know
you love me

just to understand
why you didn't
want me

just to know
the million reasons
why you couldn't love me...
It's been 15 years and 255 days, dad i'm still wondering...
Nisha Aug 2018
A question I seem
to have a difficult
time answering,

it may sound simple
do I Boast
and Brag?
Sometimes,

but Who doesn't,
Is it so wrong
to want
people to lke
me?

or should I just
become lonely
until the sun soon
rises and brings
me wonderful
people
along with
the new day

I just want
to get
the attention
of the
people surrounding me

or maybe even just one?

is it so wrong for
them to get
to know me

so that I
can share the
pain the
broken heart
all of which are
inside me

eating away at
my optimism

gnawing at
the love I used
to be
able to
hand out like
free candy

So to answer this
immorally complicated
question

can I be both?

because I am
I become pretentious
around the
people I want
to impress

and I become
un-conceited
around those
who need love
and compassion

the ones who need
a stranger to
give them
a hug
or a smile

I will continue
to spread
the love
that was
never given
to me

that's all
the world
and I
need

so can
you please
do the
same for
me?
All the world needs is a few more acts of kindness go and buy lunch for someone or just tell them you care for them. Love and Listen those are the two things broken people need most. Most importantly respect yourself and love yourself before you try to do the same for someone else. You won't ever be ready to open up but with every step to becoming less pretentious comes more happiness and love. :)
Nisha May 2018
a word everyone
was forcing down
her throat,

like a parent forcing
medicine down a child's
mouth,

she knows
she needs it but
seems to lack it,

she tries to put a
smile on her face,

don't they know
how hard it is,

to wake up every morning
not loving yourself,

trying to find good
in the world,

shes holding onto
a thread of
courage,

she doesn't need
confidence,

she needs love,

give her the space
to find herself,

understand it won't happen
overnight,

that's all she needs,

so just let her be.
Nisha Dec 2018
A word well known
to her soul,
mind,
and body

As she walked
through the city streets
she saw that even though
it looked enticing
and peaceful

She knew the secrets
that were hidden behind
the walls of each and
every home

The ones she knew
like the freckles on her face
hurt the most

They were the ones that came
from behind her walls
the ones no one else
knows

She looks so peaceful
and confident
but don't let the outside
distract you from
what may be on the inside
Nisha Jan 2018
I don't eat as much as I used to,

I can't sleep at night,

Everything I do feels useless,

I only want to succeed so I can leave,

Nothing feels right,

No one listens,

No one understands,

If only they knew...
It's not like they'll ever read this anyways...
Nisha Mar 2018
What you would see would break your heart,
Inside there would be a little girl looking for the good in the world,
hoping her dad would come looking for her,
praying someone would just hug her,
wanting to be accepted by students at school,
not realizing she has enough,
she has a loving mother and step-father,
but she can't shake the rejection of her father off,
everyday she tries to be strong for her friends,
they don't even realize she's trying to pick up the pieces,
only if they would stop knocking them out of her hands,
stop degrading her,
everyday is a battle but with the newly learned experience she slowly grows the courage to stand up for herself
Nisha Oct 2017
I hate it because I become vulnerable in front of others.
They start to see a side of me that is depressed, unhappy, or whatever they may call it as they see.
I don’t like feeling this way, feeling as if I’m a mourner at a never ending funeral.
If you saw my true colors all you would see is blue.
Nisha Dec 2018
I feel as if I don't know where
I am and the most scary part
is I think I lost who I am

instead I have to ask
the people around me what I admire
and what I despise

I've tried to make myself into an anecdote
the world needs more of and
I've become the girl who is more
focused on helping her friends
and strangers
than helping herself

and when it really matters
and when I'm hurting
and when I'm crying
and when I'm down

all I want to do is
hide the
pain
P.S.
It never works to pretend you're happy
Nisha Sep 2018
I keep lying
Yet you keep
forgiving me,

I keep breaking
your heart but
you still love
me unconditionally

I keep crying
and saying
that I'm sorry
but am I really

I keep receiving
chances and
running with
them

not thinking of
the ongoing
damage I do
to myself
more than I
do to you

you guys
never
deserved
this

On my way
to find out
who I am I
destroy
everything in
my path

not looking
back on the
bridges I've
burnt,

In fear of
what I've
become and
the treacherous
things I have
done

I'm so sorry
I keep lying
maybe it's time
I finally go to
therapy so
you and I
can find the
real me
I don't really know the real me anymore
Nisha Sep 2018
Left alone by the people
I love because
they assume
its what I want

See they think but don't ask
they assume but rather leave me be
when they could be helping me
instead of watching me cry...

im trapped in my own disastrous head
running on a treadmill of worry and regret
Nisha Sep 2018
Lies I tell myself
so that I can
pretend I
know who I am

I'm tired of
not knowing who
I am

Lying awake creating
scenarios in which
I know exactly
who I am

Having dreams where
I don't have to
question
what I love
and hate

Who I wanna
be and who
I want to
leave behind

Creating a life
in which I
know what
happens
next

not afraid
of the
uncertainty
tomorrow
holds for
us

Not having
self confidence
issues in which
I feel happy
and free

Able to love myself
without needing
acceptance from
the people
around me

So goody bye lies
its time I let go
of the toxic
food you've
fed me for
far too
long
Nisha Jun 2022
the days have become more of a drag,
I find myself disconnected from those around me,
unable to form bonds that should be everlasting.

I cry when I can,
Or when my heart allows me to,
yet there still tends to be pain that follows when the tears subside, there seems to be no other way in which to relieve the heartache I am feeling, than through sleeping when there's still daylight out because my mind and my soul become restless as the sun comes down and the moon rises

This is when the darkness takes over and it becomes less appealing to find beauty through the mess of sorrow that remains scattered throughout my heart

I will not allow others to see the painful sides of me that have been buried deep in the foregoing life I have lived and will continue to live
Nisha Mar 2018
I'm hurting,

barely hanging onto the edge of my seat,
I'm ready to go,
ready to fly away up into the clouds,
ready to take my spot in heaven,
don't worry im not suicidal
Nisha May 2018
A word in her vocabulary she knows very well,

She feels it every day,

Like a knife stabbing her in the back,

The words hurled at her every day,

Thinking of running away,

Wanting to leave everyone behind,

Needing a fresh start,

If only she had the guts to leave...
Nisha Mar 2018
I feel as if I am stuck here in the same spot

I feel happy some days then sad the others

I can't seem to figure out what's wrong

Why am I so sad?

so hurt
Nisha Sep 2018
The people
  around me
      the ones who
        surround me
            
Are also the ones
    who left me behind
        on my own to bear
           the vastness of this
             big trench called pain

Assumption can lead to
    Extremely difficult roads
        It often leads to a large path
           Full of emptiness trying to find
              Ourselves on our own

Not wanting to reach out
   Because of the fear the people
         We LOVE may HURT us by
              Silently judging the mistakes
                 We are continuously making
It's absolutely excruciating when the people you love are the ones who bring you crashing down with them and end up hurting you more than the ones who have disappointed you before you had the chance to love them...
Nisha Apr 2018
I'm tired of all of it

Tired of giving people advice and not having it when i need it.

See the most frustrating part of being tired is that you never really are,

maybe mentally but not physically,

insomnia lurks out of nowhere,

one day your active and happy,

and the next you struggle to find comfort in your friends,

your family,

your peers,

and your bed,

I'm tired of screaming when I know no one can hear,

I feel like I'm trapped in this box,

someone please let me out,

I just want to sleep all day and all night,

but I cant my mind won't let me
Nisha Aug 2018
As he walked through the city
he experienced things new
and some versed

some things he saw
and he became apprehensive
second-guessing his decision to explore

Times he stayed and watched
exhilarated by things youthful

Times he would listen to
and become enamored
by which the sounds he could hear

as wandering time passed
he began to lose track of the days
that had passed

— The End —