She has looked over balconies,
Her glossy eyes-catching
Glimpses of all the daddy’s girls.
She has watched men plaster
Supermodels on billboards.
Their skin and bones smell of ivory.
I have seen her in the mirror.

She has ripped the ebony off her skin
Like her ancestors did not die for this.
The media has placed price tags
On her body as if the scale did not
Tell her, her worth this morning.
He gutted her out like a grapefruit, left her with nothing.
I have seen her in the mirror.

She crawled to the bathroom,
Turned on the water.
Sinking into the dark pool of self-hate.
Killed her with chemical criticism.
Her skin and bones taste of honey.
I have seen her in the mirror.

We stopped at the corner of,
Tangerine street and Steveson drive.
We stood there, locked in the
Shackles of death, waiting for the
Next light of hope.

We shuffled across sidewalks
Filled with cigarette butts.
Neighborhood children riding broken bikes
To the orange grove, they knew there
Were no oranges left to be picked.
No fruit of Eden.

We watched them from the corner of,
Tangerine street and Steveson drive.
Our bodies colder than mamas icebox.
The gangs that run the circle pass Mr.Odie’s
Stopped by our corner, they offered us some candy.
We held our hands out for communion,
We chewed on the tainted candy of Eden.

The streetlights went off, we looked at one another,
Wondering if we were slaves of the system.
We bowed our heads in prayer that the ghetto
does not take one of us tonight.


We stopped at the corner of,
Tangerine street and Steveson drive.
We went our separate ways down the
Wicked streets of the hood.
Checking the shadow of death, following
Each one of us to the grave.

Clearly, I am a woman.
I smell of honey and oats.
I am curly hair laced with laughter.
I am a little black dress.
I am curvy,
Legs thick as a tree trunk.
Skin of the earth.

When they fear my heritage
I chuckle at their ignorance.

I am active brain.
I am lips of language.
My mother’s tongue spiced with sass.
I am mother natures song.
Radiating melanin at the cheekbones.

I taste of Sunday soul food.
I smile like them but for different reasons.
I shout like them but,

Clearly, you will never understand what it means
To be an angry black woman.

Where is the market that makes Sunday?
That makes soul food.
What are the broken buildings?
With boys and street corners.
Stop signs plastered with milk cartons.
What are front porches, what are they?
Grandmas in a flowery silk dress,
You can smell ebony.
Children wrapped around Mr. Oniels house.
Mama is cooking Sunday dinner.
Where is the culture, it is here.
Skin is not skin,
Only a threat is a threat.
Styrofoam plates aren’t soul food.
Collard greens and baked beans
Are police sirens.
Funky blues blaring is a target on his forehead.
Only a blue and a red are a mug shot.
When the reporter asks where?
A neighborhood distinguishes it.
A neighborhood just distinguishes it.

You dipped your fingers in the honey ***.
Your rose lips dripped thick.
You squirmed with sweetness
You knew this hive was yours.

The town of the grateful yet,
soon to be dead,
receive one last glance of the universe.
The radiant truth stills voices
and tranquilizes breath.
Eleven fireballs illuminate the moondust sky.

The grim sapphire hills wicket the town.
Is this the way to heaven?
This is the way to the stars.
The black tree's hair is a moussed flame,
a pin-point on the absent map.
An imaginary itinerary to starry night.

The orange crescent moon sings
lullabies to a silent town,
trapped in Bardo.
As the wailing spirit of death
slurps the brilliance from the stars.

Eleven stars, eleven souls.
Soothed gratefully to death
on a starry night.

when i met you
clocks stopped.
infinity relapsed
like dragon tales in 2002.
wave caps bury blurry nights.
we resurrected with the tide.
mother nature created two constellations
that puzzled,
purposefully together.
i always felt like a choice.
i never felt like an option.

suppose you stop listening to your mother

you could say ******* to curfew.
suppose you tripped on shrooms
you would feel colors bloom.
suppose you birthed eggshells
the coop would have a new chicken.
suppose you read a book
you might learn some valuable ****.
suppose the sinners went to church
they could drink Jesus's blood for free.

the old woman
scrambles an egg,
the man at the corner
fries his brain.

full moon,
college kids **** kegs,
wallflowers paint
red ocean baptisms.

the moment we are born
we are dying.
mortality forcing metamorphosis.
a road-trip of adolescence.
slipping into cali oceans,
baptizing bodies in
*** and drugs.
aren't we all sinners?
the bed creeks with
sounds of passion,
gasps of breath.
zippers unzip, shirts are peeled
off skin, like bananas.
a monkeys favorite treat.
lips meet neck.
tongues weave through organs.
the pulsing addiction for the
forbidden fruit.
the garden of Eden is now swirls of
vanilla and caramel,
intertwining fingers
between passes of a j.
time feeds the day with
sunshine and fear.
while sinners accept mortality.

i want this flower to bloom.
i want the bees to **** the nectar out of me
like, a good morning kiss,
wet and addictive.
i want your fingers vined around my throat,
as I puff syllables of smoke out.
i want the hummingbirds to caress my ears in lullabies.
i want my stem to arch on the flower bed.
i want your hazel eyes to dazzle in mine.
i want the stars to constellate us under the moon.
i want to find you in these sheets of darkness.
i want to collapse on you like a sunset,
slowly and then all at once.
i want to end with the scream of a mandrake root.

a walk along
the water
sunrise peaking
over mangroves.
sea salt memories
of pedestrian
good mornings.
they smell of
sunscreen and naps.
never failing to
wave back.

the sun peaks thru
my window blinds.
the birds hum
their offerings.
the wind brushes
weight off my shoulders
in between puffs of tree.
Erykah Badu
vibrates my solar plexus.
mornings like this
remind me why
i am alive,
there is work to contrive.

i remember the boy
who told me
"wow you look great,
you used to not have a neck"
his words sliced through my throat
like mirror glass
i could not let out a cry
but now i will
let out at roar
that will shake his cruelty
out of his bones.

i’ve never been here before
come, i want to show you
this place
there’s one rule,
to believe.

i watched the rain.
admired how quickly
i saw the plants
smile with green.
i wondered what
i would like
if i watered
myself in what
i need to grow.

i wonder
how i can be
both happy and
absolutely petrified
to fall in love

when you find someone,
who can love you
like you love you,
thank the universe,
for true love is
sensational.

when they say
you feel like home,
smile, welcome them
into your garden of youth,
but if they start plucking
your petals off
tell them it is time
they plant their own garden
some place else.

if you leave,
leave tenderly.
wiggle yourself
out of these roots.
don't say goodbye to
my flowers,
they have already
lost enough petals.

in a day
you gave me
a story
by night
you gave me
my favorite book

mother natures whimsical winds
brushing yesterday off your shoulders.
she takes your palms
lathers them in lavender
singing lullabies
until your night light in the sky turns on.
stars laced through clouds
wishing to hold on to the moons hand
a little longer.

a mapquest
of stretch of marks
across my belly.
i am connecting the dots
until i learn to
love this destination,
all the way home.

living in the sea of trees
filling my lungs
with sativa
so i can feel at peace

i want to write this poem
except i don't have words
i just have feelings
feelings that i have not
aloud myself to feel

i want to kiss you back
but im still trying
to kiss the roots of my own stem
watering this flower with tears
still waiting on her to bloom

how do i tell you about a girl
who does not even know
who she is

the universe never promised
your journey would be easy
but it gave you life because
it believes you are strong enough to live it.
so take a deep breath and listen
to all the answers you have been searching for
they are all waiting within you.
you just have to listen...

you are universal star dust
the universe needed a you on this planet
isn't that enough?
enough for you to keep spreading your light,
thru mother natures fortress

lost myself
in a whirlpool of *** and drugs
let my fat cells absorb it all
came down and crashed
bathroom floors covered
in me
a trace of forevers
stamped by the odor of
pheromones and detox
i have never wished to be dead so much
pinky promises that this was the end
walking on tight ropes
this acrobat could not even spell
balance
if she wanted to
get lost to find yourself
what if who you find
is just someone you want to cover up
hide her behind closed doors
one door closes and it stays closed
the acrobat remembers
why she locked the door
the first time
who gave you the key?
who let you into this barbaric aftermath?
the acrobat will do tricks along the rope
of nightmares
until she wakes up
awaken by the prince charming
she always wanted
the acrobat does not believe
she is worthy of a prince
there are no glass slippers here
just bruised feet
from the mountains she had to climb
to even find the castle
she wants to burn the castle down
set match to the architecture of this
imaginary home
fill it with flames
so they will never remember
who poured the fluid on this dream

19 trips around the sun
I have conquered 6,935 days
burnt caramel skin hiking the nights
where I thought I would never reach Everest.
Lists of trials and tribulations laced
through my pantyhose
another trip all the way home.
Awake with the owls
scribbling poems and sketches
of the singing animals.
The buzzing of the bee kissing
the nectar of the new morning.
Another rebirth.
Another step closer until
this Arie burning goddess
can caress the sun.
A full embrace fire passion meeting star.
I have a star.
In a universe bigger than me or any problem.
I am a star.
Learning how to love and lift
the flowers in all gardens.
Planted in all different soils
but still will be sun kissed by my sugar lips.
A year of another chance to full bloom.
My petals open wide to possibilities.
A chance to unravel the hidden
petals of my mandrake.
To taste the juice of fruits
I did not know existed.
In a garden filled with wounded flowers
I will choose to love and honor this Eden.
To be a guru for those in need
of energy healing.
Using my garden therapy palms
to bless the scared soil of every
beaming brave being.
Coating their petals with lavender dust.
Relax my flowers I am here to love you
down to your roots.
A chance of courage.
I am warrior here to take on
the battle trips around my sun.
I will hold you in my palms.
Let your fire ignite
my dreams into realities.
Between sun and waxing crescent moon
I will chant the seven chakras.
Shout to my spirit guides
to take me on this adventurous ride
through the garden
under the sea
rocket ships to outer space.
Until I can make all my flowers believe
in this energy we hold in our stems
waiting to breath.
An inhale of tree and exhale of free.
We are flowers.
Dancing in the garden of life
Illuminating in the art of self love.
Be here with me in this very moment
as we embrace the
holy sun in gratitude.
Thank you for forcing me
to wake every morning
to triumph the days into the sunset
so that our fiery hearts can meet again
every April 8th.

I envy the flower of life.
Where bodies and souls become one.
A stem of youth radiates the sour taste of masculinity
And the pulsing touch of femininity.
The burnt orange *** organs
Collide into a bombshell mandrake in full bloom.
His stamen jitters as,
Her petals caress the roots in lullabies.
This is
an explosion of life that meets
at the sacred sun.
Universals become one, at the bottom of their flower.
Her womb is coated in leaves.
They are burning bodies birthing
More flowers that will shed
This addictive energy.
Fiery sparks crackle at the pistil of the bombshell
Planted where the sun shines day and night
The lovers tend to the mandrake.
The flower of life baptized in infinite rebirth.

My room is the universe.
Big and bright.
The door wide open to all the possibilities.
Music blaring as loud as The Big Bang.
I lose myself in this vast space.
When I jump on my bed I can reach the stars.
Grasping on to all the positive energy dancing in the air.
The clock ticking through 1:11 reminding me,
to welcome abundance into my life.
The window open, blowing in the strong breeze.
I can hear the animals sing love songs to the sunrise.
Astrologers footprints on the welcome mat.
They traveled through this galaxy before.
Warm compliments bouncing off the solar systems,
painted on the walls.
The moon's glow beams off the mirror
inspiring us to look for shooting stars every night.
We lye down on the soft milky way carpet.
Where we share our wishes in between passes
of a trip to outer space.
Astrologers footprints on the exit mat.
They traveled galaxies to get home.
And I stayed a constellation in my room.

i am two hands
waving at all the passengers
12 bands of colors
melting off my face
spilling over the seconds
archangel symphonies
playing in all the wrong places
at all the right times

im still flushing the toxins out of my temple
ive been too scared to
allow anyone to stop by
their hands all remind of the
one who buried me alive

give me your hands
let me lather them with love
plant me in the rich soil
i promise the flowers
want me to grow with them
they told me
they told you?
i closed my eyes
took deep breaths
the gardenias climbed out of the garden
their petals molded
a flower crown around my head
my curls bounced with bliss
frolicking with the flowers in my soul
this is a garden music festival
where else would i want to
spend my saturday morning
my toes twirling
through the meadow
dancing through death
this is a lovely mess
my mother cried when i left the nest
she got a tattoo for her flower child
mama dont stress
im thriving with nature
im blessed

i woke up one morning
it was the first morning
i could breathe
i mean really breathe
my lungs open wide
inhaling the aroma
from my petals
lavender sprigs dancing
along my arms and legs
i seized the day
i learned to live and not exist
i created a list
i triple dog dared myself to
do the things i love
every day i worshiped one
thing i loved about myself
i added it to the list
and put that **** to the test
i screamed my name
said universe im here whats next
the stars beamed
shooting fireballs
across the moondust sky
flames ignited energy
pumping through my veins
i am their beacon of light
i closed my eyes
my body and mind became
one
a fountain of youth
in the center of my heart was
born

my fingers are filthy
gutting the dirt from the earth out
buried memories
of the painful past
lashing out on everything and everyone
i am destroyed
i read once
that if you breathe and give your stress
to the
universe
it will take care of you
but mercury is in retrograde
just eating my insides
one
by
one
digging out of graves
is never easy
but being trapped in one
forever
is just as hard
im getting on my rocket ship
flying to mars

i did this thing where i flushed all of the people and memories into a bottle
a bottle of gin
my dad used to tell me
you will forget everything
i watched the rip tide of *******
relationships
drag the things and people i thought
i loved the most
into a missing side of the ocean
no coordinates just space
thank you whispered my soul
i opened the chamber of gardens
welcomed new visitors in
smelt oils of lavand
as my mind wandered into a
psychedelic horror
at night corners open up in my dreams
enough to fill the carved puff mist with
walking nightmares
an apocalypse of creatures
who have forced my eyeballs open
took away sweet dreams from me
i don’t even say
sweet dreams anymore
i just let the bed bugs bite

angry is me
she her hers
yelling
pulling patches of curls out
that i was blessed with
why am i destroying
my blessings
angry is more than an emotion to me
its an action
i grew my nails out
so i could carve
the pain into my skin
my scrapes glisten
like my glitter poetry pens
it’s not a
sin
**** i wish i had that bottle of
gin

you loved me in the color red
told me my skin was made for it
you loved anger down my throat like
color compliments
coating the most insecure parts of myself
learned how to roll grass into wraps
it was always packed
thats the only way i could relax
molded the words “naive” into my molars
when i wasnt sober
made me melt with gullibility
it was a routine
like saturday morning tv
you hated being outside
i was in love with the trees
you were in another womans sheets
but you loved me in the color red
lathered me in rose incense
made me taste red
stained the color in my head
now i can only see your bed
fire passion
ignited by my love
now i know it was just your lust
zodiac compatibility
gold meddled for accuracy
this is a color factory
using oil pastels
smearing each other
with color coated feelings
you loved me in the color red
broke red wine bottles
over my head
until i bled
dipped your fingers in the pool of ink
and tattooed down my chest
i love you in the color red
but not when your dead
i love you in the color red
flushed away toxicity
into my red wounded heart
i forgot what made my heart mine
i’m taking her back fully
opening her to the color yellow
every morning
to opportunity
to self love
to happiness
to more hurt
full bloom
to the world
an abundance of guidance
swimming through my blood
spiritual whispers stamped
on my cartilage
a kaleidoscope of dreams
our future laid out in
mysterious coded octagons
bursting with beams of blue dreams
collections of doodles tattooed on my
journals spine
and a new color a new lover imagines me
floating on

my magnificent mind
has always been a gift
i am in a mystic world
filled with
lively green plants
coated with flower petals
it rained today
mother nature was sad
her and i always feel the same
a twisted funnel in our thick vines
of hair
heartache
because our earth was neglected
the wicked oder from the ocean stamps
our noses with the ink of the
red tide
an ocean of fear
the wave caps curl and burry the dead
pure envy
death is not a place
death is other people
a shoreline of psychedelic tragedy
sand castle graves
lathered in sea salt lotion
overstimulated side effects
my mother gave me the buried treasure
a chest filled with another dimension
built by her daughter
secret garden goddess
of dreams and spirituality
she gave me the key to her soul
threw the honor of mother natures
name and plant aroma
a throne of
leafs and seashell gems
skin of the earth
healing hands of garden therapy
i am my mothers daughter
i will kiss her with
cactus goo lips
as she fills my soul
with mother natures
aura
for
amara

i’ve been shuffling through
the flowers and sand
almost like he shuffled through my body
almost like she shuffled through my journal
the suns been beating on my skin
filling me with soul
men ripping away my self respect
violating my body
forcing the imprint of other woman in me
i feel absolutely ******* disgusting
a concoction of distrust and rage and
pure
confusion
and no i don’t think it’s wrong that the only time i feel like the woman i truly am is when i’m overstimulated
my mind is fully open with a vibrant view of mother nature’s world
built on stilts of the sea of trees
plants open wide with laughter as the sun blankets them with warmth

i quite literally am
fatigued
falling in love with him is exhausting
he is soft skin
my cheeks foaming into his neck
i know it sounds pleasant
i mean we both love ranch
ranch lovers
bent over backwards
you are breaking my spine
i hate living here
the air does not tase as good
the plants are beautiful
but i want a new energy source
a nature i haven’t fully explored
you make it hard
loving you is not hard
the crying
breaking
fighting
breathing
is difficult
i know nothing in life is easy
but living here in this city
is ******
we don’t work here
everything clashes
nothing molds
i just want to move and
unfold
my soul is unbelievably
bold
i wish i could stop this lifestyle
and put it on
hold
fly away to a new place and lay in the
soil
plant a garden of passion
baby this is my everyday
fashion

i am a field of
tragedy
a farm maze
mystery
i will never truly know why my flowers
get stepped on the most
killer with chemical criticism
i am a lonely
wishing well
but there will never be enough pennies nor
wishes
to fill the vast open space
of my hearts home
this cardiovascular *******
that throbs too much
to even want anymore
i don’t think you want me anymore
i’ve just been waiting for you to say it
waiting for you to
**** the field with enough fertilizer
that the next girl you’ll find
won’t even know what it’s like
to live in a garden as radiant as
mine

i have so much anger
too much to even think about
yet alone deal with
i am rage
firecracker
burning at my fingertips
that cannot stop
shaking
i have never felt so alone
but yet surrounded by people
i feel like i have been swimming
in a tunnel
and i have no idea how to float here
no idea how to
breathe
on this planet
it’s the most natural thing to do
except i don’t know how to
hold my lips together and inhale
i don’t know how to open my mouth
and exhale
i have no clue how to forget
my brain is scared with your
hateful lies and mistakes that happen too often to be called mistakes
madness is a maze in my head
and i don’t think i even wanna complete the puzzle
there will always be too many pieces to put together because there’s so many lies that have been told
too much hope
melting off of my body
too long of a tunnel to swim through

i used to be afraid of dying
but now i am terrified of living
people are terrifying too
but yet so resilient
i have no idea how to be around people without wanting to run away and hide
forever
i am the most sad and the most content
when i am
alone
my hands repetitively shake almost as repetitively as i write about them shaking
i am a garden who used to be planted with a line of beautiful
fruits and vegetables
but now my plants are rotting
almost like me
i am so hurt and broken
that i don’t think my garden will ever blossom again

i think i’m addicted to pain
almost like i’m addicted to mint
an inhale of nicotine
is an exhale of anxiety
it gets rid of that **** quick
but nicotine doesn’t get rid of
you
it makes you stay
it makes me stay
i know i shouldn’t ******* stay
you haven’t changed
you’re cruel
you’re manipulative
you’re hungry
for the meat on another girls bones
i think you already started eating her
you ate me forever ago
no meal etiquette
just your filthy hands
but i guess you don’t need meal etiquette
when you only want a quick snack
before we go out for recess
i’m on the swing
swinging away my slippery beginnings
there is absolutely no ending
you run out to the playground
ready to play with
me
you just forgot to wipe the snack crumbs from the last girl off your face
he kicks the mahogany mulch
like an angry uniform school boy
i kick my life away
like an abandoned woman
i’m the only one who should be angry but i’m not
i don’t know what emotion it is when
when i collapsed a long time ago
and yet i’m still collapsing
a cold cheating collision
you are always
the instigator of the collisions
he says he loves me but i know that he’s lying
he just loves the *** and he knows i supply him
now supply me with the truth
and you’ll tell me half of it
while holding me down on the couch
so i don’t run out of apartment 16
it’s like a sleeping cycle
you just don’t sleep
we scream
i get up and throw stuff
and keep hitting you
you’ll wrap your hands around my throat
to tame me but
ill just carve my fingernails into my legs
i just drew a maze
i shake profusely
while you yell about how
crazy
i am
we finally come to end
i inhale nicotine
i exhale anxiety
while you breathe normally
and wait to see if i come back this time
i think i’m addicted to pain