When I ground myself in reality sometimes it’s jarring
I’m talking to myself, I’m alone in my own head
Sometimes it feels like everyone I’ve ever known is in there

I play different narratives in my head sometimes so that I don’t have to face reality
I pretend that people care about me the way I crave to be cared about
That I’m desired and seen and made to feel important
I think about it so much I don’t think about too much else
I forget to think about myself and other things because I spend so much time in my own stories

For being raised by a misogynist I have some really ******* large claws

A professor enjoying my individual creative work
And a boss recognizing my ability to work with little support
Two men appreciating me for my brain

Life is the bag of colourful Knick knacks that my nan picked off of the street
Like putting your hand in a bag of jax blindly
Drawing out different and new unexpected things

Sometimes it’s so okay
It’s in the past
Others I remember sitting with you
Feeling not so alone

You came over last night
We laid together in the dark and it felt like you never left
This morning I made you coffee and you kissed me goodbye
I went to sleep again because I didn’t need to be up and when I woke up again it was like I changed timelines
You were there and we were together and then you were gone and I was alone
It was nice while it lasted
But it was like itching a mosquito bite and now I’m aware of it and I want to itch it again and
It’s annoying
More than anything it’s annoying
But loving you is so sweet and so beautiful and I’m not ready to let it go and I don’t know if I want to