tell me
does the high last long enough for you to come to your senses
do you regret scaring your body unintentionally,
by this you are reminded of what poison lives within you. What runs through your blood. What consumes you.
You have been drained of who you are, time escapes you and nothing is legible through heavy eyes
"why do you act that way?"
"i know mommy will say yes when her eyes are wide"
collapsing more times than you can count on fingers, but gripping those coins in your hand until knuckles turn purple, showing you have something to prove
so tell me, is it worth it?
is undergoing this immoderate pain of life worth destroying your body originally created out of nothing but good, pure substances.
once pricked is a long time forgotten
I will stand by you until knees weak
until your body is colder than ice, but let me remind you this
You love me, you swear you loved me, to love me, love me
..
Love is not the worst drug
Being possessed by something so evil that it changes your definition of love. That is the worst type of drug. insensibility - oblivion

For someone I am slowly getting over; Each day is a little brighter without your shadows casting down.

loving without being loved is a tough one but happiness is something a little different; happiness is the only thing you can give without having and through happiness you will find love. We can only then hope that love leads you to love others, not destroy them.

BECAUSE I'VE HAD COMPANY BUT NEVER THE RIGHT KIND

I thought I was numb, I thought I was completely paralyzed by the thought of you still existing
Your (absence of)touch runs deep beneath my skin, causing my bones to shake and our demons to stir
I feel a sense of contentment fall over me
our love was large, not the greatest, but it was head to toe
as much as I want to forget you and everything you weren't, I cannot get myself to forget our memories and the way you played victim
you were the worst, yet the absolute best person
If I were to see your face, Lord knows I will, I would categorize it as general and tell myself you look familiar
A familiar stranger, that is all
I wonder how long you will live in me
The thing is I never know how to describe what you were; you were not the one who got away, nor were you poison in my veins, no, you were like coming up for fresh air
You were my mystery, my adventure and I was never one to dive into the unknown

We are raised with the idea that we are wasting time. That everything we do will count towards something much greater than one could ever imagine. But when you are focusing so much on the idea of creating time worth living, you are not living. A vicious cycle of trying to make your time count when the time you should be counting is the time wasted. Live simply and love hard. Throw yourself into the new, sink your teeth into something sweet. Feel the rush of being alive in the moment. Don't count the days, let them happen and make do with the time allotted.

My sadness for you has been swept under the rug, for you are not the person I fell in love with last summer.
You are a new you
A new, *******, version of yourself.
So, I will not sulk. The you I knew is no longer there.
Maybe we will meet as strangers once again.

Almost a year ago we met
strangers - horrific pasts
it has been destructive since the beginning
lies and hidden meanings
but my love for you has only grown, not at all affected by all of the damage
it is true, so much can change in a year, although it is sometimes not the year, but the person who causes change.
Almost like the seasons are caused by the tilt of the earth on its axis.
Deep in my bones I felt what you could do to me, I kept my distance but your charm captivated me
Your charm that was charmed with other charms
You were a lie, and I am sorry for not realizing this sooner
You made me destroy everything we had, how you ask?
You made me love you, you gave me every reason to love you but many reasons to resent you

You're onto something(someone) new
So am I, but I am not the happiest
Seeing you would most definitely change my mind
Getting a text from you would raise my heart - I have high hopes
Maybe it is seeing you with her that makes it hard for me to sleep at night
Makes it hard for me to breathe through my tears
Makes it hard to not want you back in my life
But I do know one thing for sure, I still love you and I always will
I know you know that as well because you said I was your first love when I texted you, key word - First, but not last
You are happy and that should make me happy, but selfishness is buried deep within me and comes out when the thought of you comes to mind
Life feels incomplete without you and I hate it
How could I be so sad without you while you are so happy, things do not add up
Just so you know, I have a person because I like being alone but do not like feeling lonely
See you soon..

To give or to give up;  that is the question
To give all one has with uncertainty lurking
To feel the dread and guilt of a being
And do nothing with these feelings,
Or to end all current affairs
To love, to sulk,
But whatever do, do greatly
Crossroads between head and Heart
Who has that ability to identify between
The two, not I
To love, to sulk,
To love- perhaps feelings could rearrange
But to what extent? Giving fully requires
No mixed emotion, certainty, and what
We may not see; something so undefined
We are all missing a piece of who we
Used to be, That “piece” being a person
At times, learning not to let one define
Another but lessons do not stick,
Leaving one remembering what could be
What could be? If thoughts could ****
Leaving your heart aching and restless
Who would hurt more if feelings were
Turned to actions, the giver or taker
One being left with confusion and disbelief
Not knowing forever could end so soon
Another being sorrowful but keeping
The  head high, away from the waters
Made from tears of past mistakes,
Oh the recurrence
When asking one’s self to give or
Not to give keep in mind one thing,
You live for you and no one else
If you feel, act; whether it comes
From the head or heart, feelings
Are feeling that should not be untouched

The new year hit and it was like I could feel you passing by as 2015 changed into 2016
like a ghost passing into the afterlife except this particular spirit would only make it as far as purgatory, just as you would stop and rest in my sub-conscience for me to dig up later
when I think you're gone you never are and when I think you have finally passed through there is still time to be endured
Is there a lesson I must learn for you to be released or is this how these things work
I'm racking my brain for answers but I am only finding you
It is only the second day of the new year, maybe I am asking for too much  
or maybe the new year does not necessarily come with a clean sleight
you will forever be there, new year or not

you're by far the best human being i have ever had the pleasure to meet
Someone cares!!! someone wants to listen to my babble, my never ending talk of what is to come and my battles against jealousy.
my chest is burning and my lungs are filling with something that seems to be toxic but the after taste is pleasant
it's good and the feeling of chocking on air has never felt more comforting
i cannot even begin to express the emotions that hit my nerves and run through my veins when the thought of you pops in my head
there are actual tears, this is all too surreal and the feeling of being dropped hits me again but harder this time than ever before. If i were to lose him how would life go on? see i know it would go on and it must but i'm that stupid head over heels teen who sees nothing beyond the now, ****
God why have you placed this boy in my line of view? did you wish to see me weak and vulnerable
a sick joke
i refuse to let someone make me feel this way, yes, wonderful, exhilarating feeling of biting into strawberries and drawing with fresh ink but i'm helpless please let me be an insider to my own thoughts

i should be over you
i should be over the feelings you made me feel
the kind but deadly words you stuffed down my throat and made me believe
this feeling continues to linger without giving any subtle hints
you didn't love me
love does not come with so many sorry's
you talked and talked and thought no one would tell me
your idea of love sickens me and if i realize this i should be able to let you go right?
no
too many memories
the history between us will never fade
i love you to hate you