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 Feb 2014 Nicole Wheat
Chris
I made four blueberry muffins for breakfast.
I wore a sweater three sizes too big,
and sat on a futon two sizes too small,
reading a book I've only halfway finished
in twice the amount of time it would take
to write it.
I drove without my windshield wipers on,
three-quarters hoping I wouldn't make it
a quarter of the way across town.
I tried to picture myself walking around
without pulling my past along
behind me.
I tried,
but that doesn't matter.
**** today.
I only thought about you
while they were in the oven.
I only pictured you waking up
and feeling okay
every time I turned the page.
I leaned over and looked through
the right side of my windshield
to see the view you once had.
And the scars on my palms
are reopened every day
as I drag around everything
I cannot let go.
I don't curse much but there it is
 Feb 2014 Nicole Wheat
Dire
There is magic

In days spent by the ocean,
In warm laughter and soft breeze.
To live by the world,
Trusting,
Eyes lit with color
Yellow, Vivid, Alive with flowers
Of rich sun, lovely on skin and the taste of summer.
Hearts brimming,
Nights with stars.

Brown, deep earthy tones
Fingers in dirt, texture, rich
He steps steps. On stone,
Up up
Climbs, until it ends and he sees it all;
Vast, glorious, skyward
The clouds, a painting on sky canvas

Blue, the deepest blue, underwater blue
All around and he swims with her stories
She doesn't once let him down
Each is special

Dark, reminiscent dark, scary dark
Cigarette smoke in clean air,
Dreary.
Fights, Poverty, Death
Close in on him, remind him Bright and Dark,
Exist.
She asks with this do you trust me?

His answer is Green, Forest green
Simply life,
Trails through high grass parted
With curious hands and he sees cliffs
and beneath lakes
and it is beautiful
Nightfall and stars like anvil sparks alongside the moon,
He loves the moon
It spins, and he moves with it
No longer struggling
He sees the edge and beyond it unknown
And the boy who lived by the world
Falls.
And waits for it to catch him
 Jan 2014 Nicole Wheat
Alyssa
You were as stealthy as a slow gas leak, by the time i knew i was in love with you, i had succumbed to you. You were in the drivers seat of my car lighting a cigarette with the windows up so i could breathe you in. I quit smoking so your secondhand smoke was all you would allow. I watched as you brought the cigarette to your lips and dragged in as if your life depended on it. It was your third one today and i told you that you should stop, maybe breathe me in for a second. Do you know what i would give to become second hand smoke from your lips? All you would have to do is kiss me and i would vanish into thin air, become a noble gas in the periodic table but there is nothing noble about the element of disappearance. I have been shrinking away from you ever since you held my hand in that convenience store a year ago. I'm trying to convince myself to get over you because all i am to you is someone to **** slowly through your second hand smoke. I never knew I could get so addicted to nicotine until it came from under your tongue. When you're gone, it's hard for me to breathe which doesnt make sense because when youre here my lungs are filled with your sweet black tar. But you will be gone for months when you leave in two weeks. You said you'd write to me, but written words can't carry your second hand smoke. You can't build a home out of a human being, but that doesn't mean i cant find a home in your bed.
 Jan 2014 Nicole Wheat
Kai P.
I confess.

I think I loved him because I used to listen to his voice

Imaging your face moving with it.

I put on one of his tracks,

Randomly.

And that’s when it hit me.

I blinked

But only to comfort the lie

That I hadn’t started to cry.

Your face is better.
 Jan 2014 Nicole Wheat
Grayce
What happens to all the road trips we never take;
Maps of the golden coast stretched out on worn knees
Red pins and string crisscrossing our intertwined veins
Routes bookmarked on my phone next to a Kerouac novel
If you reach the bottom of the ocean, you've gone too far.
Don't let that name part those sweet lips again
A perfection in a perfection is impossible
Unless it is I
How can you not see it?
Every time you speak of her perfection, I look at yours
You say cute as if a puppy following your every step
Am I only a sister to you
A foe?
I can't help but look you down and feel anxiety
I can't help but look over any flaws
For it seems I take all of your imperfection
I feel so awkward around you
Only because I feel everything about to burst
Only because I know you may not ever feel the same
Only because when you speak her name I see your face brighten
That is what kills me
Every faint sigh
Every sad conversation to which I want to kiss those words away
Wrapping around you
Bid All Sorrowful Things Away!
Not knowing what I wish
For you put me in a realm of idiocy
I want that touch of your warm hands on my burning skin
Oh! Just that sighing aching thought of loosing you
If only you knew
I want to lock you away in my heart
To tell you dreams are only dreams
To lie to you and say I am fine
Kills me even more
My old soul and dying heart
Being left for dead from the sound of your voice
Please!Just whisper the word fair mind
For thy lady cannot know.
Her beauty to fragile
Her heart to kind to even spare me but a mere couple words
To even gaze into my eyes
For she pumps my blood
She fills my steaming ecstasy
Don't smile with my thoughts running a muck
Don't sound so happy when you are speaking her name
That sound is poison to me
Dripping with every syllable into my chest
Let's just run away
You have already taken my soul
Take my lonely body with you
Why must being so young hurt so bad?
But feel so good?
Remembering the dreams of peace
And love
And rock and roll
And of me getting you for once
naked in a field of flowers
Wait? You say
For you to stop loving this?
For me to get your broken heart after leaving her?
What is cute?
Constant thoughts about how it will never be
Your awes every time I say a word sounds so pathetic
So sarcastic into another way of saying you don't care
Just stop the nonsense and keep calling my name
I want to hear perfection
Like I think of you
I want to get hugs like you give everyone else
I want to feel your touch
I want to call you mine
And show how much I love you in front of the world
In front of your cruel relative blood
What is this?
I have not any words to tell you in person
For fulling knowing it is i ?
Or it is you, lady, the one I love dearly
I don't want to loose this friendship as I lost my heart to you
So just say my name
**** me over and over
The thing you are so good at doing
Keep on introducing me to other lovers of yours
Keep burning me with those sad words
Bury me
Bury me in my own blood
In the blood of your perfection
For I am cursed to never grasp love
And always grasp friendship
This is about the girl who fell in love with the moon.
Resting against the cold glass window at night
To get a glimpse of the light on the side she laid eyes on
And wondered about the darkness she would never get to see.
This is about the girl who fell in love with the stars.
Watching them sparkle and shoot across the sky.
She shed a tear knowing these stars were long diminished
And wondered if she as well would leave such a lasting mark.
This is about the girl who fell in love with the rain.
Falling fast asleep to the quiet drops on the pavement
With colors forming through the heavy mist,
And wondered if she could ever be as beautiful as a rainbow.
This is about the girl who fell in love with the ocean.
Sinking her toes in the sand while breathing the salty air,
Noticing the fish swimming easily through the blue water
And wondered if she could glide through life the same way.
This is about the girl who fell in love with the sun.
Lying in the swaying grass, feeling a soft breeze on her cheeks
Only to be shaded by the birds flying free under the light
And she wondered if she could one day be as free.
This is about the girl who fell in love with solitude.
Curled up with the dusty pages of her favorite book
Reading of the lover’s who share their lives together,
And wondered if one day she might share her solitude.
This is about the girl who fell in love with you.
With the way your body wrapped around hers,
How you could command a room with the warmth of your smile
And she wondered if one day she could call you hers.
This is about the girl who fell in love with too many things.
Realizing none of them would ever be hers,
Knowing she had no one to share them with.
And she wondered if she would always feel so alone.
 May 2013 Nicole Wheat
Lily Jean
In South America, truck drivers are paid collossal amounts
of money, to deliver supplies between towns on
roads, no wider than the width of their trucks.

When you turned up on my doorstep that sunday in the rain,
your eyes told me before your lips did.

Sixty three hundred days is a long long time to wait for someone,
but I would do it all over again,
if it meant I could fall asleep in your arms one last time.

Next Autumn when the leaves turn rusty and fall from the trees,
I'll remember the afternoon we spent in Victoria park,
where you waded to the middle of the duckpond,
just because I said you wouldn't.

Your mother always told me when we stacked away the good china after Sunday lunch,
that your stubborness always got in the way of what was right.

You've been gone eight hours and still nobodies reminded me how difficult I can be at times.

Eight months later and everytime the phone rings I imagine your voice crackling down the line "come get me from the supermarket, I have sugar buns. "
what if I'm lost?
what if I never want to be found?
what if the world turns me away
and never turns me around?

what if I cry like a child
who by the world is denied?
what if I'm too tired to fend for myself
so I always just step aside?

what if the pages of my heart are blank
like a book that's never been read?
what if I sliced and stabbed and cut
until to my death I bled?

what if I stare into my future
and realize I haven't got much?
and what if I'm taken away by a man
who wants me because I'm soft to the touch?

what if I just want to die?
into the depths be thrown?
what if I want to be in the dark,
venture through the black on my own?

there are many what-ifs that one could ask
as the stars draw their fates in the sky.
and there's many a girl who's been out on her own
who
decided
to
end
things
and
Die.
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