I'm not sure I know
how to
tell you
that I feel the safest
when you wrap your arms
around
me like a scarf,
-- when I am able
to make your ribs into
a Fireman's coat:
much like the one
you remove after a long day's work.
You used
to make me feel fireproof,
but now I have found that
even those whose job
is meant to keep
alive a heart,
--beating--
can also **** it,
and you will never know
the entire extent
of how you killed mine.

I feel like if he really wanted you, like REALLY wanted you, like he says that he does, then he would just have you. He would get over all this **** about not wanting to be in a relationship right now or not wanting to settle down. He would get over all of that and make an exception because he wants you. He would not say "Don't wait for me;" he would say, "I don't want to have to wait for you, I want you, all of you, and I want to be with you now".... So, the fact that he is not saying that proves to me that he does not deserve you.  
      You deserve a guy that would set down everything and want only YOU. A guy that would push all the ******* out the door and just tell you how much he wants to be with you. If he does not have the ***** to do that, does not do that, or says "I don't want to be selfish, don't wait for me," he does not deserve you. Be friends with him -- love him in that way -- but do not let him ******* you around or hurt you any more than he has.
      You can do better when it comes to a relationship than being with him. No one, especially me wants to see you get hurt anymore by him. And by the looks of it, he does not want to hurt you anymore either, and that is what he is trying to do here: create a situation where he cannot hurt you anymore.
      I know it will be hard love, but you need to let him go in the relationship aspect of your life, and have him as a friend because you two work that way, and if, down the road, he matures more, sees what he lost, and fights for you with everything he has, then he will deserve you, but at this point, right now, he does not, and you deserve much better.
      Trust me when I say that I know for a fact that he cares about you. If he did not he would just be a complete *** about the situation. I have been there.
      If you are asking me, he is handling this very well in that aspect. And him saying "I don't want to be selfish, don't wait for me" instead of saying, "I don't want to be with you. Get over it," shows that he cares for you and definitely did the whole time.
      The problem is that he is not mature enough to see that you, lovely girl, are worth every ounce of fight in him. One day, be it you, or another girl, he will realize that that is what he needs to do -- fight -- and regardless of if when he realizes it and you are the girl, or you are not the girl, you WILL be the girl that he thinks of in that YOU are the girl that will have taught him that is what he has to do.
       So, trust me when I say he cares about you so much because, even down the road, you will always be the girl that taught him that he needs to fight.

I once knew a girl who
taught me
that "warrior" is spelled
with a silent "T,"
and that caring is an instinct,
not a burden:
    Time told her that she
     was beautiful,
but she did not
believe it,
for she was broken, and
her body was weary;
she cared about Time,
and, in return,
       He whispered in her ear
       that her heart
       was the highest form
       of beautiful
--but still,
sea salt poured from her corneas
for she did not know
just how much Time
she had left;
so,
out of dust and the salt from her eyes
      Time crafted
       a shield
   to protect her aorta
   and take captive
   her nightmares
  --to catch her dreams--
  for the day that
  Time, Himself,
  would run out.

This affection,
I was
so timely
offered,

is
the exact point that
broke me;

tore me up,
spit me out,

ruined the chance
the shooting stars
and lunar orbit
had written for us;

the Andromeda
tells me
of how
I gave it my all,
and
got
not anything;

this subsequent
feeling of
hate
and love,

is slowly
ablating
to
nothing.

The sixteenth of June
was the day
Venus was pushed
into Mars,
and I am the girl in
the story
symbolized by daisies
forcibly taken from
someone else's yard;
He was not gentile
and did not spare the
raw innocence,
-- I didn't ask for
It.
and it was not because
my coverings were
too short
The sixteenth of June
was the day
the galaxies
began to keep watch over me
and formed the words
out of constellations
that told me
I was not ruined.
--but I still sat
in the corner
and cried,
when I saw him standing there
with
a fistful of broken daisies.

If I listen very closely
I can still hear
those whispers
inside my head.
When I close my eyes,
I can sometimes still see
his face
--so crisp,
  so clear.
I still dream about him
sometimes:
I still wake up
late at night and think about him,
what he said,
what he did,
and since I finally
have
the courage,
for my words not to crack,
to answer your question,
No.
It did not ******* feel good,
and
Yes.
I am still haunted by you
forcibly
taking
my
innocence
--the gift
I was saving
for the man that is now
madly in love with me.
I finally have
the courage, to admit:
I did not know you
not at all,
but you had
your way with
me,
WITHOUT
MY
CONSENT.
You stole my innocence
but you
cannot
take
my
integrity.

It kills me sometimes
-- sometimes how you say my name:
the harsh undertones
in your eyes,
-- sometimes how you speak with me:
shouting,
undermining,
belittling.
Sometimes how you love me
-- so passionately,
so truly,
undoubtably:
sometimes how you love me;
it kills me sometimes.