a painter loves every stroke of her brush as you cherish every drop of ink. You discover something new with each written word and you excite to turn the page. Your art – your flow of blood must not slow as you close your eyes…do you remember your first poem? the mattress was on the floor, your closet door barred the entrance and you sat crying on the boxspring pouring out words…you wrote about love…love…that dreaded word that has eaten away at you the past 3 years and you continue to deny it entrance to your life. Why is it that you spill ink to paper? It is because of love. the love that you have for destroying, creating and finding yourself among the pages. You have not lost it…you’ve simply become distracted with responsibility, stress and depression. You were doing so well!...until you stopped writing. Do Not Stop. The heart does not stop beating simply because it needs a break – that break would become permanent. Do not cease to pulsate your imagination through your veins. This is your life – and you need life to live.

pounding feet
quiet footsteps on the stairs
thunderous drone
pitter patter down the hall
it stops.

a clap
a sigh
bat of an eyelid
and a smile.
ingredients to a successful woo.

endless numbers
beer on an empty stomach
crying in the shower
nonchalance.

a laugh
a hug
don’t stop the music
dance the night away
ingredients to a great weekend

aching head
tired fingers
sore body
it all starts here.

pounding feet
whispers in the staircase
a pitter patter in a heavy heart
it stops.

Disguises.
Masks concealing the visage
of the man I love.
Icy blue, forest green, earthy brown eyes
stare
glance
peer out, saying nothing.
Their disguise.
Hideous horns,
Grotesque grooves,
Fictitious fangs all make up their loathsome personas.

The smells; rotten odors, musky remnants of vile misdoings-
disguised by a ring of violets
rung about their necks
Their perfume is strong, but cannot mask their sins.

It’s a circus.
Full of games, entertainment and wonder.
No tricks are explained, no disguises revealed.
An applause – and the lights go down,
the audience goes home.
He sleeps with his mask on.
He sleeps with a smile.

I am your paper doll
Cut me loose from my holding cell
And stand me up straight.

Aren’t you jealous of my perfectly drawn lips?
My high cheekbones
And dream body…

Dress me up
Fold the straps over my shoulders and
Make me beautiful.

I am yours
Yours to love
Cut and
Fold

Oh dear – it’s raining
It’s ruining my dress.
The rain pelts my paper body
As I start to soften.
My colors start to run
And I am no longer beautiful.
Look –
I’m melting
I’m used and ruined.

Throw away this paper doll,
She’s used up and worthless

I used to be yours
You loved me
You wanted my clothes
My body
But they were all just paper.

I was yours.
Yours to cut and fold,

And now throw me away.

safety-
is knowing that not even a bullet could penetrate the barrier of your arms
they hold me and warm my body
protect me from the outside world
and cover my eyes when the scene is too scary
your hands-
pull a blanket over me when I’m cold
and stroke my arm just because.
they cup my face so you know I’m there
and play with my fingers for companionship

Sans toi-
I wouldn’t have the strength to dodge a bullet
nor could I be warm at night
without you – who would hold my hand?

Bartender,
Pour me a drink
Bourbon on the rocks.

Why is this music so loud?
so flashy and colorful.
Lovers dancing,
Trumpets blaring
The bass bumpin’…

people are having fun,
enjoying themselves.

I dare to let a smile creep across my face
as the ashes fall from my cigarette
My eyes close as the music
grows softer but the people still dance…
smoke clouds the air as the colors dull into the night…

on the beach
with a drink and a smoke,
the reggae band pumpin’ it out,
the guitar wailing,
keyboard buzzing

people are laughing
enjoying themselves
and living life –
no regrets

funny –
I remember life having responsibilities  and being stressful.

A long drag from my cigarette
and I close my eyes as the tropical breeze
turns back into a cloud of smoke

my eyes open –
the band still jammin’
the bar jammed just as much

the smile’s gone as I sigh
oh look – Billie Holiday’s up next
pour me another drink Bartender.
the night is young
and I don’t wanna go home.