Nikol Alexis: Poems

Come To Me

Nikol Alexis Oct 2014

One hundred and seven
Nights your face has
Haunted my dreams
And sent my mind
Spiraling down the dark
Abyss I swore I'd never
Return to. Your kiss sent
Shivers down my spine
And your touch
Was something so soft I
Cried, for fear that I would forget
The pain you so easily caused
Me all those months ago.

Your smile warranted sincerity,
But your eyes, retribution,
Perhaps because I finally tried
Living without you
And succeeded,
And my reborn independence
Brought you here to torment
Me in ways I forgot you knew how.
For who are you if not cruel in
Manners of love and war.

Should you come again, my love,
Like the times you did before
I'll still long for your gentle touch,
Your tender lips, your warm embrace.
But radiating from my core will come
The same fear that came when
Your lips left burns and
Your touches left bruises on my
Skin and ego, alike. I'll search my soul
For the strength I found before and
When my eyes spring open I'll
Remember the joy I felt when I
Finally put out your unnerving flame.

Confessions Of The Damaged

Nikol Alexis Dec 2014

Confessions Of The Damaged

The ache in my chest is enough, tonight,
To keep me buried under layers of insecurities
And trapped in a sea so dark and deep I'd swear
I wasn't in this world.
And I look to the blade near my sink
And think, there has to be a better way.
A better way to rid myself of the poisonous words
That still run through my veins;
Your words. Words that introduced me
To a euphoria so great that
Looking back, now, it only makes sense
That I would crash as hard as I did.
I fell, this I know, for your strength
And charm, and then I let myself
Fall into despair when you decided to let me
Fall into a pattern of lonely nights and tear-stained sheets
That turned into drunken calls and blank stares.
And now, here I am, curled up in
A place I wish did not exist, thinking of
Things that should not exist and I wonder if you
Have ever felt this monster inside of your chest
Like the one that is trying to claw its way
Deeper into mine. Cause if you had,
Then you'd know: *there is no better way.

Everything

Nikol Alexis Feb 2016

Everything

The boy with the mischievous grin
has a gentle heart.
And though his eyes match his dark hair,
they melt when I walk in the room.
His hand reaches for mine in times of joy and despair
because I am his rock, he says.
His affections are tender, and often I feel his warm lips
pressed upon my cheek or nose or eyelid. I smile,
as I should, but my heart does not flutter,
For this new boy, while what I want,
lacks your childish spirit
your freckled cheeks,
your kind eyes.
This boy could be my everything,
but not until he is you.

Holiday Hauntings

Nikol Alexis Dec 2014

Holiday Hauntings

Laughter and loved ones
Surround me
But still I cling to
Your empty promises
To fill my heart
All these holidays.

The Air That Consumes Me

Nikol Alexis Oct 2014

The Air That Consumes Me

How do you explain
The notion of a breath?
Would you describe it as the ease
With which his cedarwood undertone swirled
In and around your nose? Or the satisfaction
Of having him set off every nerve in your core?

Perhaps a breath is simply the eagerness
To take him in; to be completely consumed by
His trace of leather and oak;
To inhale the taste
Of merlot and cigarettes
That dances on his tongue.

You crave
One more breath of his sweet
Perfume to ease the poison now
Filling your veins, your heart;
A wild fire in your lungs grows
That only he can extinguish.

He is the sweetest air and
You gasp for him,
But he does not answer,
He merely lets you consume him,
Selfishly, until he is nothing
And everything,
As your lungs continue
To reluctantly swell
And depress in perfect rhythm
With his beating heart.

The Lesser of Two

Nikol Alexis Oct 2014

The Lesser of Two

Sometimes,
I wonder which would be
The lesser
Of two evils:
To give up my sanity
Or
To give up on you

— The End —