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a head full of nothing
and an empty page full of promises
wishing to be filled with
the words i refuse to say,
but won’t go away...
immersing myself
in the absence of actuality

to save itself, my mind
must be made numb

by simply running from
one dream to another

lured into temporary bliss
with each sip, relationship, drug, job

gravitating towards
triviality and banality

for most of my life,
i’ve done nothing but run

from myself
funny how
is a word
that fills
some people
‪accept my apology‬
‪in advance:

‪i’m impossible,‬
‪in every possible way,‬
‪and i don’t know‬
‪how to hold on to people,‬
‪because i’ve never,‬
‪been held on to‬
‪myself ‬
i am so grateful i was tricked, you see,
without honesty,
as i reflect on your undeniable misogyny

i could only give you so much,
and only that much,
is what you could take away from me

so, i can only thank you!
for your disdain and haughty contempt,
confirmed the delusion i once called love
‪who am i?‬

‪nothing more than a‬
‪shallow adaptation‬
‪of who i wish to be‬

‪a saboteur,‬

‪of my own making,‬
‪consumed by the obstacles‬
‪i seem to manufacture ‬
‪for myself‬

‪all on my own. ‬
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