I just don't get it. I really really don't.
And that's what's killing me.
I'm trying to rack my mind to find out where I messed up.
But I can't seem to find the answer.
And I never will.
And it's starting to make me mad.
It hurts when I pause and look at the world and notice how everyone's together, how everyone's happy.
And then I just look at myself and I wonder why aren't I happy, like them?
Why am I not together with someone, like them?
Why?
And that's what brings us full circle, folks.
Just me going on and on, but nobody really cares.
Nobody really is listening.
I do everything I can to put a smile on people's faces even when I can't put a smile on my own.
I try so hard to show people, but the world outside doesn't care.
But they'll sure as hell care about so many others, but not me.
Thanks, it means a lot beautiful.
I've come to learn I'm just anther spoke on the wheel.
The wheel will keep going after I'm gone.
And so many people out there are so hypocritical.
They're so cheap they won't even tip a canoe.
It's like they don't pack enough chromosomes some times.
I seriously think most people out there take IQ Tests and they come back negative.
But then there are people who have egos that are so fat they can go to the beach and sell shade.
See my point, people don't care unless you're famous or dead.
They don't care how hard you try and fight.
And now, 205 years after the birth of the man behind the concept of "Survival of the fittest," I find myself learning to realize that postulate is true.
And it also feel like it's the survival of the sickest, and I'm infected.
And why I can't be someone out there without making someone mad makes me so irritated.
I try my hardest to put everyone first, but still everyone puts me last.
I'm just a guy looking for someone to care.
I'm just a guy looking for someone to ask what's wrong and actually stay to hear.
But nobody wants to listen.
People won't listen to your cries, your pain, or your problems.
But if they'd listen to one thing, they should listen to this:
From here on out, It's anything goes.
And trust me, trust me when I tell you this right now.
I have the best thing going.

-Nick Moser

The saying is "Always live your life in the fast lane."
But how can I do that if my life has faded like smoke through a keyhole?
It is blank like a notepad on a little girl's desk.
The girl who is constantly bullied for the Bell's Palsy that consumes her face.
The notepad that sits on her desk that she has ripped pages upon pages upon pages out of.
Pages that read words that are thrown at her everyday.
****, *****, *****, loser.
Pages that have drawings of her and that one guy she longs for, but that one guy longs for her disappearance.
My life is like that blank note pad.
The only thing it retains is it's last message telling the world "Goodbye."

The sound of my beating heart echoes off these walls of my room.
I'm implanted in darkness, but all I can see is a vivid picture of you and I.
My body trembles as my thoughts of you continue to grow bigger and bigger, as does my love.
And you can feel it too.
And I don't want to let this slip away like my father did.
Five years since I've seen him.
It feels like a lifetime.
But at the same time, it feels like I've known you for a lifetime.
And at the same same time, lifetime is the word to describe how long I want us to be together.
But right now I feel like I'm forcing this down your throat, constantly
Day after day like a disease.
I feel like I'm hurting you with each word I say because with each word I say more and more of my affections fall from my heart and my mouth like sand through an hourglass.
I want to give you the world wrapped in a rainbow.
"This is yours" I whisper.
"I am yours."
And I feel like you're stuck in an abyss, falling deeper and deeper forevermore into agony and sadness.
And I just want to swing in on a rope and save you.
I want to dry your tears like the sun dries a desert, which seems to describe what he's doing to your heart.
He's leaving it dry and barren.
He only pleasures your heart with a sprinkling of false affection.
He wouldn't travel to see you, but I would fly to the sky just to bring you back the stars.
And now I feel we're in a Pythagorean theorem situation, just looking for a solution.
And with every word and every thought I feel like I'm driving you and your affections away but I don't want that at all.
I've realized all along that not even space can separate us.
We're bonded together by something too strong to break.
Passion, caring, love.
And I just hope you feel the same and never lose that hope.
And someday, we can share that hope together.
As we are together.
In each others arms, shielding each other from everything that tries to break our spirits.
Anyone that tries to make us pebbles in their shoes, just for them to act as giants and crush us.
And someday, when it's you and me, I'll give you the world and whisper, "This is yours. I am yours."

Her hands are shaking.
Trembling, trembling as the box moves closer to her reach.
Her heart is racing just as fast as she used to everyday after school when she ran from the school bullies.
Her heart is pumping blood just as her wrists do after she introduces them to a blade.
Her heart is slowly being mended just like the reconciliation of her relationship with her psychotic sister.
Her hands are shaking so bad she can't make out the outline of them in this dimly-lit room.
The candle light ricochets off the walls.
All she can think about is how he has stood beside her this whole time.
The room smells of cigarettes, which reminds her of the first time she met him.
That night at the corner liquor store where she went after her grandad died.
Trying to drown the pain by drowning herself in
pills and alcohol.
She was approached by a man who smelt of death who tried to steal her money, and if he got any further, her virginity.
Just as the man went to put his hands on her, the boy stepped up and protected her.
That trend continued for years as he protected not only her, but their love as well.
She knew she had finally found something worth loving truly for.
No more hiding who she truly was behind drugs, lies, and a noose hung ready in her closet.
She realized that he made her complete.
She'd walk to the end of the earth for him and he'd crawl with broken legs all the world around to see her.
But as the bills piled high and the eviction notices multiplied by the hundreds, they didn't know how to move on.
She turned back to the drugs and the pills as she knew she was drowning,
Drowning deeper and deeper.
Waiting to feel his hand plunge deep in the water to save her life.
And he'd do it every time.
She realized that he took her sky high with his love.
This would soon overcome all her addictions, leaving her only addicted to his love.
She could barely breathe as her hands touched the box.
By now she was surprised they hadn't fallen off from trembling,
Trembling so much.
As she opened the box, her breath rapidly started to leave her body.
She could feel herself going numb.
She couldn't speak.
As he pulled the ring from the box, her body shook more and more from excitement and shock.
He asked for her hand in marriage, and she started to cry with joy.
After they kissed he whispered, "You've always been my addiction."