I knew from the moment I saw you smile, that I needed you
That sounds odd, looks are perceiving, usually misleading
The happiest looking people seem to be the least happiest
It's always hard to tell, but I knew from the second I saw you
That I would love you
So my eyes open, opening to a new day
The first thought in my head is you
So my eyes close, ready to sleep
and the last thought in my head
is you

Is love real
Is love a trick of the mind
I don't know, but I think I love you

My memory is absolutely awful
Seemingly though, the only things I seem to remember are the most random and unimportant
Maybe they are important, maybe they define me
Maybe my mind is trying to tell me something

I remember being four years old, moving into my new house
The house I spent the biggest portion of my life in
I remember holding my dad's hand, walking to the park
The vibrant red and yellow colors are vivid in my mind
This was when I was truly happy, I had no cares in the world
I wasn't paranoid like I am now, I was just so unaware of everything going on
I was laughing, my short red hair radiating in the summer sun

I remember my first day of school ever
I remember being so lost and confused
I ran to the playground, so unaware of where I was supposed to be
What I was supposed to be doing
Kids filled the playground, as I sat facing away from it
My head in my hands
I turned around and in front of me I see a girl
This girl 1 year from now would be my best friend for five years
I don't remember anything else from that year but that.

What is my mind trying to tell me

I am a paradox
A self-loathing narcissist
I crave attention but at the same time I don't want to exist
I 'm cocky at the same time that I'm modest
I hate hypocrites more than anything
But I am one;

I wish I could just run
Not run but just isolate myself from the world
I try as hard as I can to but as much as I seem misanthropic
I hate being lonely more than anything
So I sit in my room, my dark room
The bright monitor contrasting my face from the darkness
Trying to escape reality through film or any way I can
I just wish I could stop thinking
But I can't.

I wake up
The feeling of distraught standing bold upon my head
The constant fear, that I am perhaps being deceived
Paranoia, written all over me like a notebook
Seemingly void of emotions, an attempt at not being noticed
The crave to not be noticed but constantly seeking attention
My mind doesn't stop, words shooting out
All I can do is stand and try to focus
But I can't
It's as if my mind was a tornado but rather than picking up homes and other things
It picks up thoughts of paranoia, thoughts of despair
It always makes me think, am I the crazy one
Or are they