You sleep a hundred feet away,
soundly.
And I am up until four a.m.
trying to convince myself I am safe
in this 11 by 16 room
that is shrinking with every breath I take.

I am a blimp on your radar
just some girl you tried to ****.
But you,
you are a constant reminder
that I am not as sane as I should be

You are the cause of so many tears,
the reason my hands won't stop shaking.
I tell my friends, I'm cold, I'm cold.
It's a hundred degrees outside.  
And I can't turn a corner without holding my breath
hoping you won't be there.  

Your smile is sharp enough to ****,
and every time I see it
I wonder how ******* can be so happy
while laughter tastes like poison to me.

So sleep tight, you ******.

I wish I could say you don't matter to me
but these tears in my eyes tell a different story.
This tear, right here, is for the first time we kissed.
The one to follow is for the night I realized
it meant nothing to you.
God, I'm envious of your apathy,
of your don't give a **** persona,
because it's clear to me that I gave too many *****
to all the wrong people.