May the powers that be bind you,
Praying, begging for release is all you can do,
You spit in my face when you turned my love away,
Don’t think I’ll just forget, In the end you will pay,
No one takes my heart then returns it empty,
May the links of your sins form a chain, from which you can never break free,
It is so easy for you to turn your back,
When every moment my emotions are under attack,
Remember this: There is no pain I cannot take,
There is no love I cannot turn to hate,
Do not forget the blackness that lies at my core,
When I say vengeance is mine you’ll be pleading ”No more!”
You have lost all that was and all that could have been,
To return to a life of emptiness, poverty, and guiltless sin,
Someday you will hear my laughter deep down in your soul,
I have continued on, I will succeed, I am the pleasure you will never know,
My curse to you is to merely have an existence,
To be that ‘wallflower’ that never got to enjoy the dance.

Nichole R. North
3-31-98

Part I

A sad girl remembers all the lies she was told,
All the hurt through the years has made her cold,
Memories of betrayal linger in her mind,
Wondering who will wrong her this time,
Trusting is something she could never do,
Loving is impossible after all she has been through,
Living to her is like a game of Russian Roulette,
Guessing which pull of the trigger she will regret,
Playing with her is equal to playing with fire,
She knows the game; she can be all that you desire,
Trying to beat her at her own game could be a fatal mistake,
She can change like the salamander; she is everything superficial and fake,
She has no love to give anyone, even you,
Once you are caught there is nothing you can do,
She can be everything any man could dream of,
Just don’t ask about her past; don’t ask for love,
Oh, she will tell you what you want to hear,
Deep down inside one can almost detect the fear,
No one can see that deep because they really do not want to know,
They do not want to witness the real spirit she can show,
Each and every time she strives to be true and real,
She ends up the fool, and anguish is all she can feel,
But that won’t stop her, she will pick up the pieces and move on,
You won’t see her cry, she’s too proud to let you know you have won,
She is caught between who she should be and who she wants to be,
I her world there are no dreams, hopes, or breaking free,
So thins girl cries alone, tries alone, and dies alone,
Dying a little each day because she has no real home,
When she finally does risk emotion and caring,
She is the only one sacrificing and sharing,
Once again she will fall in to the emptiness,
Into her world of antipathy and blackness,
Without understanding this is where she will remain,
In the darkness surrounded by ghosts who deliver pain,
Each one taking her to new levels of agony,
In spite of her anguish she won’t accept anyone’s pity,
Again she will struggle for one more chance, another try,
She will fight her way out for Hope, but once again she dies inside,
It is a never ending cycle; strive, battle, and fall,
She will get up yet again, head up and walking tall.

Part II

It is onerous for her to reveal she has been defeated,
It is burdensome to confess she retreated,
For she is apprehensive of how she feels,
She’s terrified this loneliness will forever be real,
Frightened of the images from her past,
Too old for her years, she grew up too fast,
Memories of all those fading yesterdays,
She yearned for it all to just go away,
Alone she sleeps with her fears,
Needing someone to hold her near,
She is not unknowing, she perceives the reality,
She recognizes love is a mere hopeful fantasy,
As she cuddles up with the cold and desolate night,
She prepares herself for another prolonged and excruciating fight,
With only tears and memories to keep her company,
While the shadows move in like an infantry,
One more battle between nightmares and restless sleep,
She prays, she aches for her sanity to keep,
Just to make it to see one more dawn,
Anticipating secretly that it won’t be long,
Another pull of the trigger marks the end of the day,
Five empty chambers still eager to make her pay,
This torture is getting to be too much to bear,
Someone save her, some one please care,
Don’t let her continue to **** herself piece by piece,
Love her, hold her, make your absolution her final release,
If she continues to play this psychological game,
The final shot will make her go insane,
All I have written is real and true,
For “She” is me and I would not lie to you,
Somebody stop me please,
Before I die of this loneliness disease.

Eye of nywt, tail of lizard,
Bat wings and vulture gizzard,
Steam, boil and bubble,
Witch’s recipe for trouble.

Cuts of nail, strands of hair,
Remember the green eyes, what a pair,
Stir and mix this Witch’s stew,
Watch it foam, see it brew.

Revenge is cooking up so sweet,
Another touch of magic will knock him off his feet.

Rituals, Incantations and Spells,
Serving him a batch of Hell,
Demons rise to my aid,
Crucify him, make him afraid.

Worlock’s and Witch’s from covens far and near,
Help me with my Rites, help me spread fear,
Snake venom and coffin dust,
Make him pay for his selfish lust.

Spirits of the ****** reach out,
In agony I want to hear him shout.

Nightmares of ghastly ghouls,
Knives sinking in ****** pools,
Always haunt him, torture him!
Make him know; ******* me was a horrific sin.

Once upon a time long ago, there was a hopeful child,
Due to wrong life choices, she grew up too fast and wild,
Once this little girl had promising dreams,
As she grew old, she realized nothing is as it seems,
Youthful fantasies of a loving and heroic White Knight,
All disappeared, overwhelmed by the agonies of the fight,
Always alone in her battles with life,
Never afraid to confront and conquer the strife,
Now many battles later, as the scars can tell,
Each one with it’s own story of pure hell,
Some of the battles were lost, and some were won,
But now she sits alone, empty, and done,
Tales of love that had fallen apart,
Searching, but never finding lost pieces of a broken heart,
Loved ones who never made it through,
Unacceptable losses ‘cause there was nothing I could do,
Every day to wake up seems like a punishment,
Forced to continue this existence is pure torment,
How much pain will I be made to endure?
If I embrace it, will it cleanse and make me pure?
A loneliness so deep and empty it echoes in my soul,
Experiments have failed, changes have passed and I’m still unwhole,
Those innocent dreams and fantasies lie crushed and anhilated,
All hope and innocence has completely dissipated,
Trudging through my daily routine,
So many sins, I’ll never be clean,
I want so badly to cry and feel that release,
But these ghosts that haunt won’t give me any peace,
I’ve tried everything to make them go away,
Pills, *****, whatever; But they continue to make me pay,
They have even followed me into sobriety,
Refusing to let go they will never set me free,
There are no more idealistic visions,
I’m being made to suffer for poor life decisions,
There is no serenity waiting,
It is only the agony I am sating,
Praying for an end to this life’s insufferable lesson,
No hope for the future, no forgiveness for my pasts’ transgression,
Acceptance of this destiny of mine,
Pain will be my power throughout all time.

When the darkness comes, I am the light,
As uncertainty enters, I fill you with fright,
I am all you fear, as it boils inside, I am the painful trip you long to ride,
The pain and pleasure you only felt in c=dreams,
I am everything, or so it would seem,
Whenever you cry out in your sleep,
I ****** up your soul, for me to keep,
And just when you feel you cannot go n,
I will laugh, because you will know I have won,
When you are with me, time stands still,
I **** your blood, your life, your will,
I will anoint my body with your coppery heat,
I am one mistake you’ll not soon repeat,
Drawing out every precious drop in a ravenous frenzy,
Knowing your last ounce will bring me pure ecstasy,
Watching as all signs of life leave your eyes,
At this moment, you encompass ALL that I despise,
I laugh to myself as I savor your tangy salt,
As you wither and wilt, you know it is only your fault,
To watch your blood slowly drain and spill,
Each drop tantalizes my every thrill,
One last little drop and you will obey me,
You, no longer, are your own entity,
I will take everything you have to give,
If you are lucky, I may let you live,
Now you can finally begin to conceive,
My hunger only live to deceive,
You are a mere pawn in my ruthless game,
I alone hold the power to make you insane,
I am the one and only true master,
My name spells imminent disaster.