Time is painful
It doesn't stop until you're gone

Her hair
Blowing in the wind
reminded me of leaves
on a cold autumn day
the type where
you would wear
warm jumpers
even if they were ugly
just because they were soft

the type you liked

I was useless
Unlovable
She came
and left

I walk
past midnight
nobody in the house is awake
except the scuttling insects under the floorboards
they remind me im alive

i watch
the birds in the trees
the blinking lights in the distance
wandering souls walking down the street
where are they coming from
where are they going

i wonder
how from the outside some houses look so
normal
and it could be stark mad inside
all that seperates me from them
is some concrete and bricks
and i wonder
if those walls
are like the walls i put up
so that nobody knows

that im stark mad inside

I hit refresh on my computer
to check if you had posted anything
nothing
i wonder if you actually care anymore
if you think about me
like i think about you
if every time you do your mind splits in pain
with the thought of your hair blowing in the wind
your eyes
that you always said were gray
your small, insignificant fingers that could send electrical pulses through my body
like lightning strikes
i wonder

if you know im still here