It's pointless.
There's no reason for me to live  
When I don't mean anything to anyone
I'm tired of fighting insomnia and depression.
I'm exhausted of fighting my own thoughts.
I'm sick of fighting suicide.
Why should I hold on when I can just give up.
I can't fight my problems alone.

I met my soulmate. She didn't.

The ever smiling boy never frowned no matter what happened.
He just wanted to be a happy person
He was always there for others but others are never there for him.
But still he never stopped smiling
No matter how people hurt him backstab him
He still forgave and smiled.
But deep down in his heart
He's crying.
His soul slowly fading away
Deep down
He wants to die.
He wants to end everything
Yet.
He has no purpose to live in this world anymore
He cries himself to sleep every night
But in the morning he puts on smile again and lives on with a smile
He always wonders is it worth it to smile everyday even though no one appreciates.  
That one last spark of happiness is all that drives him everyday.
I wonder what will happen when that spark goes off.

Would your eyes fill with tears as you heard the news that I was dead.
Would you fall to the ground and wonder why you didn't see it coming?
Would you come to my funeral wearing my favourite colours?
Would you remember me as a good friend?
Would you think about me?
Would you wonder what was the last thing that pushed me over the edge?
Would you miss me?

You used to be my best friend.
You used to be the person I trusted.
Now.
We are back to just how we were.
Strangers.
You told my secrets.
You rip my life apart
You rain destruction on what I protect the most.
Is this what you wanted all these while
I sacrificed so much for you.
Endured all the pain
Stood by your side when everyone deserted you.
I'm shattered.  
I'm giving up.
Because I only exist when you need me.

what doesn't **** you makes you wish it did.

Here I am.
Standing on the edges of death.
I can't feel anything no more
The hurt and pain is just immense
I held on for too long.
I can't do it anymore.
I just can't.
Day by day
Wave by wave of pain hits me
Just one slight push.
And I guess everything will be over
But.
You.
You are what I live for.
You are the one that's still keeping me alive.  
I just hope that you don't go away.
Cause one slight push can take all of me away.

Toxic and unstable
but I am far from able
to resist your touch
even when it hurts this much.

You have my all.
You are my downfall.
Crush me, and keep me for eternity.
Break me in your hands love,
where I will always be.
Crush me, into pieces, all of these pieces
Crush me, and keep me for eternity

Tired and I'm wanting
to embrace this haunting
Feeling deep within,
the ache of you beneath my skin.

I am just fine.
I am a son hiding my depression.
I'm a boy trying to making a good impression.  
I'm a friend acting like I'm fine.
I'm a teenager that's struggling.
I'm the dude sitting next to you.
I'm the one asking you to care.  
I'm your best friend hoping you'll be there.

Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can’t savor all the… little emotions. In… you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?

What happened?
What happened to that 4 year old kid?
The kid that everyone knew.
The kid that had a broad smile.
The kid that's always happy.
The kid that's always active and sporty.
The kid that loves to play ball and had no worries over life.
What happened?
Now,that kid has growned up.
As he steps in to the teenage phase
He thought that everything was going to be fine.
But that was his largest mistake.
Gradually after the days.
He changed.
From a person who smiles to a person that's frowns.
He gave up on everything
His favourite hobbies and sports all seemed to have lost his interest
He was no longer that happy and chirpy boy.
He became a suicidal and depressed.
His best friend.  
The person that he trusted the most.
Betrayed him.
He was left shattered into pieces.
Helpless from what was to come
His life took a dive
Everything when from bad to worse.
He needed someone.
He has lost all hope.
What else can he do besides surviving the onslaught of his problems?

7 billion people
14 billion faces.
So true

If you're lost and feel alone
Circumnavigate the globe
All you ever have to hope for two

And the way you seem to float
Circumnavigate in hope
And they seem to lose control
With you

Everyone of us is hurt
And everyone of us is scarred
Everyone of us is scared
Not you

Your eyes closed
Your head hurts
Your eyes feel so low

Everyone of us is scared
Everyone of us is hurt
Everyone of us has hope

For you.

What happened?
What happened to us?
What happened to the happy memories we had.
I never forgot you.
I still care.
But some things can't be forced.
I never wanted to hurt you but I can't escape the inevitable
All I can do is to lessen the pain.

I'm really tired.
I'm really exhausted.
I'm sick of getting hurt by you time by time.
I hate getting deserted by you
All those fake promises
All those false hope and encouragements don't mean anything to me anymore
All the attempts I tried to build back the friendship.
No just no.
I know you would never understand me maybe because you look down on me cuz I'm suicudal.
All I really need is someone to make me smile to understand me and not give up on me.
Just so you know,I'm fighting this battle alone with a broken sword and shield.

Why did you have to do this?
Why now?
Of all times.
Maybe I guess I shouldn't have poured my heart out towards you
I can't really blame you
You never experienced anything like this before
But all I want is to rebuild the trust I lost with you.
I want to tell you
But I just couldn't

Maybe you don't know how it feels to be depressed.

It's weird how in a matter of seconds you could just be a memory.

I am depression.
I am the very thing that destroys lives.
I am the one that breaks friendships apart.
I am the one who's responsible for the scars on your wrist.
I am the one that prevents you from shutting your eyes at night.
I am the one that causes you to lose your appetite.
I am the one that makes you feel alone.
I am the reason you can't think straight.
I am your best friend when you went through a heartbreak.  
I am the gruesome murderer of your motivation.
I am the one that made you lose interest in everything.
I am the one that made you slack behind in school.
I am the reason you never made it to the school team.
I am the reason that you eat alone at lunch.


I am the reason that's you are a failure.

How many nights does it take to count the stars?
That's the time it would take to fix my heart.
I was there for you
All I ever wanted was the truth
How many nights have you wished someone would stay?

It holds only death
It kills.
It sends out harm but takes nothing back.
The blade is like a bridge
A crossing point
The blade binds the wielder to victim
It binds life to death.
But what will happen when I'm both the wielder and the victim?

"Wrong number" says a familiar voice.

Such a dissapointment when you defend someone for so long thinking they are different and they turn out to be like what everyone said.

Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was a drinker and a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit. So - me watching - he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it! Turns to me, and he says, "Why so serious, son?" Comes at me with the knife... "Why so serious?" He sticks the blade in my mouth... "Let's put a smile on that face!" And... why so serious?

Always wondered how it will feel
When the blade touches the very first surface of my skin
The sense of confusion whether to cut or not to cut
But now, I guess it was a tool of relieve of all this pain around me  
All the fake words and people
All the False promises that were made
It gave a sense of numbness towards all of it.
What now?

You said that there's still a reason for me to live.
You said I meant something to you.
You said you understood.
You gave me your word that you will be there for me and fight for me no matter what happens.
But now. You left for a better life I guess.
Leaving me behind here alone.

All that's left is just a cutter.
And a sad soul.

We stop looking under the bed for monsters when we realise they're inside us.

And yet I thought I was so naive to think that things were going better  
You were my one and only.
Someone that I thought would rescue me from my apocalypse.
Your long messages.
Your encouragements.
It meant so much to me.
And it all disappeared in just a split second when you said "I don't love you anymore".

Where there's a will, there's a way, kinda beautiful
And every night has its day, so magical
And if there's love in this life, there's no obstacle
That can't be defeated

For every tyrant to tear upon the vulnerable
In every lost soul, the bones of the miracle
For every dreamer, a dream we're unstoppable
With something to believe in

Monday left me broken
Tuesday I was through with hoping
Wednesday my empty arms were open
Thursday waiting for love, waiting for love
Thank the stars it's Friday
I'm burning like a fire gone wild on Saturday
Guess I won't be coming to church on Sunday
I'll be waiting for love, waiting for love
To cover on

Hello was the first word I said to you
I thought I found the right gang
But how wrong I was
You talk bad about me
I treated you as a friend
I cared.
But in return,you thought I was annoying.
And I slowly became a transparent figure to you.

lol

Memories is one of the most cruel things in this world.

I want to end it
But people tell me not to
But ending it will set me free
Everytime when I sleep
It will haunt me.
Is death the answer?

Forever is a long time.
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side.

Tears
Tears roll down your cheek like a waterfall
Tears roll down your cheek when you try to sleep
Tears are uncontrollable.
Tears remind you of the pain.

Immense
Overwhelming
Killing
Pain.
Pain pierce through my heart like a sharp spear.
I can do nothing about it.
I guess I'm numb from everything else.

Memories is one of the most soul killing things in this world.
Everytime I think of it,it reminds me of the fun and awesome memories that we had and also the dreadful ones.  
But.  
You all shown your true colours.  
Sly
Cunning
Ruthless
Heartless
And I thought we were in this together.
You all ditched me in the end.
Let me to face judgement
Now.
I changed.
I'm not the old person that you used to know
I realised the truth.
I realised how wrong I was.
What you all see is the tip of the iceberg.
In the end, I can't undo the things that we did
I wished I realised earlier.
Deep in my heart.
I still miss you all.

My blade next to me
My problems surround me
I took my arm up and all other I held my blade
My mind races
Do I do it?
I felt hopeless
I felt myself dead on the inside
I'm tripping over my own thoughts
Well,I said to myself.  
Here I go again.

Here I am. Again.
It's the time when I have to make the hardest choice of my life.
My heart racing.
My mind lost.

My imagination was the only tool to help me see what's coming
All I could do is imagine.
What would happen if I made a wrong choice.  

I don't get it why.
It hurts to see you like that
Suffering the same way as I do
And crying and weeping for me

The last thing I ever want to do is to hurt you.
I just wished you thought from my view
You're not the only one suffering.  
You're not the only one depressed.
I am too.

There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me
All I see is darkness
Darkness and depression clouds my mind forcing the last light in my soul to give up and submit.  
I'm just a slave of my own thoughts  
I tried hoping.
But the worse is there is no hope.

I never wanted any of this
Is this fate?
All I feel is me falling down in a deep and dark abyss
Where I will never be able to get up again.

Where there's a will, there's a way, kinda beautiful
And every night has its day, so magical
And if there's love in this life, there's no obstacle
That can't be defeated

For every tyrant to tear upon the vulnerable
In every lost soul, the bones of the miracle
For every dreamer, a dream we're unstoppable
With something to believe in

Monday left me broken
Tuesday I was through with hoping
Wednesday my empty arms were open
Thursday waiting for love, waiting for love
Bang the stars it's Friday
I'm burning like a fire gone wild on Saturday
Guess I won't be coming to church on Sunday
I'll be waiting for love, waiting for love
To cover on

I wonder which is the fastest way to die?
A deep cut through my wrist?
A bullet in my head?
Or just to suffocate myself

Either way would end the pain.

Yes.
I feel it. My worse fear.
It's coming for me.
It's armies marching upon me
I know my time is up.   My mistakes and past come to hunt me down.
There's nothing I can do except to face it. Alone.
My so called allies and friends deserted me to die.
But here I am. Counting my days.
When will this be over?

From that day when you asked for a pen
We knew each other
You told me that I was your best friend
You desert me for other people
I kept quiet
Maybe I'm jealous but that's because I am a human.
Where were you when I needed you the most?