I fell in love with the sound of the wind as it brushed past my ears
And I spoke to the breeze under my breath.
I let the sun illuminate the darkest shadows within me
And I felt them wither and burn into light.
I kissed the edge of the sky as it reached for my skin
And I closed my eyes so it could cover me entirely.
The emptiness that consumed me began to subside
Replaced by an overwhelming warmth.
I used to scream into my fists and pray for an escape
Until the moment your hand grazed mine.

sometimes the words you want to say
get stuck behind your eyes or in your throat
if they even get that far at all
sometimes i lay on the floor and wonder why i can't detach as easily as others
yet i still keep my emotions to myself most of the time
i guess that's what happens when you've been hurt so many times
or maybe that's what happens when you fully expect to be hurt
i've always seen the sun rise on the horizon and locked myself indoors to watch from behind the glass
when i should have stepped beneath the rays to feel the warmth of the light on my skin instead
it's been seven months since i said i wanted to die and i felt that truth vibrate within my soul
i'm learning how to feel the sun again and dance alone and when the dark comes again
i'll let it pass right through

An art store with only one aisle
Shelves stark white and covered with art supplies
White tile lines the floor
Linoleum beneath my feet and a stench of vaseline
She’s standing there waiting for me
Staring at me
She begins to bang her head against a white shelf
The inventory shakes and rattles and falls to the ground
THIS IS WHAT WE COULD BECOME
The short-haired blonde woman points towards a row of steel compartments
Cages
Prison cells
She continues to bang her head against the shelving
Curiosity overcomes me and I turn my head to look
Cold, dark, grey metal cells
I try to look into all of them but my vision is limited
There’s a window scratched and clawed at
There’s a woman’s body
But there is no woman left
The agony she has experienced in this cell is more than the woman in the art store can bare
She sees her body
Alive, but lifeless
Blood running blue through her veins
She has nothing left to give
Nothing left to cry out for
Nothing left to help her
A woman’s body lays within the solitary cell
She’s given up and she’s barely human anymore
As she turns to look at me through the small, dark window that allows a small amount of blue light into the cell
A claw reaches from behind the cell
I can’t see where it came from
What it belongs to
It reaches deep into the breast of the blue-ish woman that’s given up all hope
Slowly
Carefully
And with such precision
The claw tears out her heart
A red, sad, ****** mess
And she doesn’t fight back
Doesn’t even move

there exists a portion of my being
that refuses to erase your memory
impossible, it seems
to forget what you mean,
what you meant,
or what you're becoming.
you don't materialize into a wild hallucination
or hold me in my dreams
when i'm dreaming of love.
i don't hear your voice in my mind
no laughter, no humming.
but when i'm falling in love
again and again
for someone new
so unlike you
i'll never feel the same pain as i did
the same anguish
the same starvation
as the day when it all made sense to me
when you broke me apart
you never let me back in

I split my skull to see your memory projected in pools of blood on the kitchen floor. The knives were never enough to keep you alive.

I dug a ditch in the garden 6-feet deep to bury my soul with yours and I couldn't breathe without hyperventilating every other moment.

Tear me apart and put the pieces in boxes of grey and white. Never did they fit into those square pegs and square holes. I found my blood boiled at every misdirection.

Even though we argued all the time the garden took control and the weeds and flowers outgrew us. The knives we placed bloomed and blossomed.

i gathered every knife from the kitchen
stuck them into the soil in the backyard
i made a garden of blades in the lawn
so you would have something to look at
i kissed you on the mouth
on your cheek
on your neck
so you wouldn't forget
my breath on your skin
if you had stayed
i'd probably be a lot stronger now
i probably wouldn't cry myself to sleep
anymore
but
i fell in love with a man
who was emotionally absent
i then fell in love with a man
who was physically absent
but he loved me more than anything
even still
i am alone
i am alone

i've washed the sheets and slept for days
since you left home
i thought you'd be right back
i thought the last time we ******
wasn't going to be the last
i wish i were sober enough to remember it all

i'm calling from a prepaid phone
to reach you on your prepaid line
i'm sleeping on a futon
that hasn't been pulled out since you disappeared
idk if you still even care
i fall in love and never leave
just tell me you're done and we can figure it out

when are you coming home to me
i've been so alone i can't hardly breathe
i'll get my **** together when you call
i'll get my **** together when you don't