A smile upon her face, days filled with laughter but her nights filled with tears. No one seems to notice or just don't care. She puts up a wall so no one could ever hurt her again. She never got to close to anyone because she learned at a young age no one is permanent, everyone eventually leaves. She trys her best to be happy but every once in a while she'd break down at 2am weaping and gasping for air. Secretly wishing someone knew just how miserable she truly is. She trys so hard to distract her self from the pain she feels, by drinking and smoking. But no matter how hard she tried, she'd still feel the pain even worse then before. The only thing keeping her here is her family because they'd only blame themselves but the thing they don't know is you cant save someone from their own thoughts

I'm sitting here crying but don't worry it's not out of sadness but pure happiness. I'm finally content with the life I'm living. I'm getting better, well so I think.  The little things in my past still manage to creep up and tont me. But its gotten better not as many anxiety attacks and I'm eating on a regular basis. But at times I hear the little voice in my head creep up from the walls I've built in my mind he whispers in my ear "you're not good enough, you never have been and never will be" I try so hard to hold it in to not let it bother me but he pushes me to my breaking point back into the black hole I just crawled out of and I scream for help but no one hears me or maybe no one cares. I then realize I'm alone, all alone. You're mind is a terrible place, one moment you're full of life and everythings great than the next you're sitiing in the middle of your bed wondering why you're still alive asking yourself will anyone truly miss me when I'm gone?

Its 6:59 in the morning and the sun shines through my black curtains. As I lie awake thinking of the way I get lost in your green eyes or the way your laugh is just so comforting. My heartaches to see you again  the distance only made me long for your presence more then ever. All I want is to be in your arms where life makes sense where there's no darkness. No worries when I'm with you but only laughter and your sweet tender lips on mine. Since the day you left all I could think about was your return no matter how hard I tried to move on I was always drawn back to you. Without you life seemed to have no meaning I was just a wondering soul looking for happiness when I realized you are my happiness.