11th grade feels like a sea of hopes and dreams,
All dreams that will soon the hard rock of reality,
You look back to see that person so full, so happy
Why? Why? Why are you taking it away?

You think when you first started,
Those eyes, of hope
You don’t realise, the hope you begin
Makes your way into delusions
You fall, delusions are here
You make a mistake, delusion is here
You cry, delusion is here
You scream, delusion is here

12th is here, the challenge begins,
Time is oblivious to the work you have
Endless hours of procrastination,
Mixed in with sleepless night of studying,
Crying and everything else
You are still a child, yet you know
You have to do it
But why?

Now the time is here,
The days you worked,
The nights you pulled through,
Oh if you knew, it was not hope
But delusion that pulled you through

To everything that is done,
It must end with a judgement whisper,

NO, No, No…
You finally realise it was not hope
But delusion guiding you through
You don’t want this but fate has made you so

What are you now? What are you even now?
What is left of you? Why is even left of you?

STOP, you realise, you cry
And cry and cry
You let the delusion out
Let the guilt sink in

when one speaks, the other doesn’t.
when you speak, they respond,
but the other ignores.
when they speak, the other ignores.
you are quiet,
you are vulnerable,
you are weak,
you’re a failure.
you don’t even try.
you can’t even explain,
you can’t even argue.
you think and think
until you have no room to think.
you say something,
and they choose to ignore.
you choose to ignore,
and they choose you to be ignored.
why? why? why are you even there?
why are you even here? why only to you?
they choose to listen but ignore,
they choose to listen but interrupt,
they choose to listen but just listen.
they will listen,
you will explain,
but they will not understand,
and you cannot hold in.
you run away as you always do,
you cry in bed,
you cry in the bathroom,
you curse yourself inside,
you calm yourself inside,
you hate yourself inside.
you listen to their problems,
you hear their problems,
you choose to ignore.
you say your problems,
but they choose not to understand,
they choose to play dumb.
you choose not to explain,
you are a failure.
they choose to call you a hippo,
they choose to call you fat,
yet no one outside them sees you that way,
but you know they know what you think.
they choose to ignore,
you choose to be ignored,
you choose to cry,
you choose to curse,
you choose to stop,
you choose to be nothing,
you choose to let them make you nothing.
they misunderstand you,
you listen,
you stay quiet.
they talk about others,
they lecture you not to do so.
they talk about their family problems,
but you choose to ignore,
and they choose you to be ignored.
you try to say what you had inside,
but they choose not to understand.
they fought back,
but you choose to fight back.
remember,
you are a failure,
you cannot fight back.
you run away,
you cry in bed,
you cry in the bathroom,
your whole body shaking inside,
your whole body growing violent inside.
your inside wants you to be violent,
but you choose to be calm.
you hear,
but you choose to ignore,
and they choose you to be ignored.
you make mistakes,
you accept them,
you cry,
you feel the guilt,
you feel the shame,
but can never say sorry.
they say,
"this is your subject."
it was easier for them to say
than for you to say,
but they choose to ignore once again.
you say your insides,
but they choose not to understand again.
you say it again,
but they choose to fight back.
you shut down,
your whole body begins to grow violent again.
you cry again in bed,
you cry again in the bathroom,
all you do is cry.
why are you there?
they tell you,
but you ignore,
and they still tell you,
but you still ignore.
you cry on the inside,
you cry on the outside.
when do you not cry,
while all day here?