Once again I fall in sin
Waiting for pain to begin
Because we're nothing if not fallen
gods.

And nothing seems as worthless
As asking for some love
From the people who said you're
worth this.

But a walk alone in light too bright
Makes me think about tonight
And how I've come to enjoy sleeping
alone.

I sleep with air on high cool
With too many blankets and the tv on.
It all reminds me there's nothing
nearby.

The morning walks around my rooms
Give chance to loudly declare my gloom
There's no one I'm disturbing while they
sleep in.

Sleep in with me.
Spend days in bed.

Because there's nothing better to do and we're both lonely.



I'll say goodbye with a cold bowl of cereal left over from the breakfast I ate without you.

Nights spent in eternity
Burning candles at both ends
In the dark, it's only me
One man's search for
meaning.

And in the oppressive, obsessive black
No light comes to show
The truth I seem to always lack
As I stumble upon
nothing.

Pacing pacing pacing round
There is no destination here
And as I march without a sound
I contemplate the possible
ending.

My search yields no help yet
And so I give up now
The futility in mind begins to set
Therefore I lay here
dying.

Dark seclusion here in the deep.
Yawning, drifting, never finding sleep.
When what I want is to escape,
the shadowed forms now taking shape.

Screaming, screaming in my head
As I am kept awake in bed.
Twisted sheets that chain and bind
Tortured soul of tortured mind.

And when the silence creeps around
Heavy, hurting, this lack of sound.
Where do you find your solace, friend
You chose solitude in the end.

Darkness wallows in the deep
It chains him to his empty keep.
And fighting, struggling to break free
The darkness comes to swallow he.

More he swallows, less he knows
A blizzard of sadness in his mind snows.
Bent and broken, defeated, sad
Stopped with cold, his mind goes mad.

Once upon a well worn tale
A hero ran a broken trail.
The road was long, no end in sight
And the hero succumbed to the night.

Darkness wallows deep inside
Where there is no place to hide.

From this prison noises rise
Into the darkened, clouded skies
And as my throat bleeds from his shout
All the lights begin to go out.

Curled and shaking on a cot
His sanity begins a long, slow rot.
Downing pills on a dragon chase
No more emotion on his face.

It was the hard parts in his life
That led him to escape his strife.
And now alone he sits and waits
Brooding over that which he hates.

A prison isn't for those who break the law
It's the dark behind his gaping maw.
It's the emptiness inside his yell
It's the open gates of hell.

Prison cells and empty halls
Filled with echoing footfalls
Rattling ghosts that circle round
Hoping to be heaven bound.

He found this place wandering lost
Abandoned, gathering late Autumn frost
Deep inside he lost his nerve
When the drugs made the world swerve.

In the corner of the room
Surrounded by his intense gloom
Walls dripping, running; intense flood
Thick, black water like prison's blood.

He looked around and called it home
No more would he aimlessly roam
A final escape from misery
Into the dark where he won't see.

Blind eye looking for no hope
Making friends with bits of rope
A collection gathered to leave behind
A world that slowly took his mind.

On the wall it's slowly scratched
An idea that he had hatched
A novel written in a day
To describe there was no other way

A holy place, this dismal spot
The walls streaming his sordid plot
An attempt at life long left alone
Protected from the outside by steel and stone

Deep within this prison stays
A man who screams as he acts out plays
Characters inside his head
Company after his sanity fled.

There is a soul, lost but free
That identifies that man as me.

Alice, Alice, come out, come out
In this darkness I scream and shout.
Waiting for your pale blue eyes
To gleam in the dark, surprise, surprise.

Alice, Alice, where have you been?
You can't imagine what I've seen.
Laying here, just out of reach,
Practicing all you preach.

Alice, Alice, you little seer
I've spied you through your mirror.
Intently waiting on the chance you took
Adventures from a story book.

Alice, Alice, you can't hide
This is it, end of the ride.
I found your secret rabbit hole
I'm jumping in to take your role.

Alice, Alice, I can't see
Won't you come to rescue me?
Bring your hare and the rest
Isn't it time to put me to the test?

Alice, Alice, I think I know
What it is you've tried to show.
Down a hole and through the glass
Down I fell, with you dear lass.

I didn't come here to escape being alone
No dear Alice, your Hatter has come home.

I dare you to
go and do something
humiliating. So that you know the pain
of doing it to others.

I dare
you
to write all of your flaws on
a giant mirror. Then look right into
your tear-stained eyes
and say "I
Love you."

I dare you to stop
and stand where every-
one can see you and scream
until your throat burns. Just to spite
whatever emotions keep
you up
alone at night.

I dare you to
be the only person alive and
walk down the middle of
the street
when the rest of humanity sleeps.
So that you know
the sounds of the night and are
comforted.

I dare
you to stand up
as you eat a full dinner. Because
you should know eating is
important
for survival, not as a means
to entertain yourself.

I dare you to try
something you hate or are
afraid of.
Because if you stay in your comfort zone
life will leave you
in your bubble.

I dare you
to do something deadly,
even for a half minute. Just to
challenge death to
chase you down for the
rest of your life.

I dare all of
YOU, society
to challenge whatever
norms
you have been shackled to. All
because I want you to look
down at your hands
and see
that those things on your
wrists are handcuffs. And that
the cuts from them have
left you to be caught
red-handed
in slavery to the peace you once
thought
was actual solace.

I dare you to
go and do something
humiliating. So that you know the pain
of doing it to others.

I dare
you
to write all of your flaws on
a giant mirror. Then look right into
your tear-stained eyes
and say "I
Love you."

I dare you to stop
and stand where every-
one can see you and scream
until your throat burns. Just to spite
whatever emotions keep
you up
alone at night.

I dare you to
be the only person alive and
walk down the middle of
the street
when the rest of humanity sleeps.
So that you know
the sounds of the night and are
comforted.

I dare
you to stand up
as you eat a full dinner. Because
you should know eating is
important
for survival, not as a means
to entertain yourself.

I dare you to try
something you hate or are
afraid of.
Because if you stay in your comfort zone
life will leave you
in your bubble.

I dare you
to do something deadly,
even for a half minute. Just to
challenge death to
chase you down for the
rest of your life.

I dare all of
YOU, society
to challenge whatever
norms
you have been shackled to. All
because I want you to look
down at your hands
and see
that those things on your
wrists are handcuffs. And that
the cuts from them have
left you to be caught
red-handed
in slavery to the peace you once
thought
was actual solace.

Over the river and through the woods
Under cover of cloaks and hoods
We hide our faces, one and all
Marching on until we fall.

A pilgrimage to nowhere new
Through twilight fog and morning dew
Walking, running, to a goal.
Diamonds formed from hearts of coal.

Because the horizon never sleeps
Constantly running as each human weeps
With pain from broken feet and bloodshot eye.
Still we march until we die.

And all the fields, they look the same
To the blind, dumb, deaf, and lame.
The mountains match the ones before
And the mountains still in store.

The memories of lives not lived in full
Break forth like dams; a raging bull.
In clear water dreams are seen
Dancing on the teardrop screen.

****** footprints left behind
As the trail continues to wind.
Men carry children with broken souls
Children bury parents in shallow holes.

The march continues on and on
Until we all one day are gone.
And no one thinks to stop and rest
No one wants to fail life's test.

And none can speak of turning round
Crossing back across broken ground.
For none can bear to be caught in the net
The trap of haunting, creeping Regret.

Looking back I come to find
all that I have left behind
things like you left in the dirt
Still wearing my old torn shirt

Both our tears soak the dust
While the world begins to rust
i sit and wait and hope and pray
that you won't ask me to stay

**** your lifestyle and **** your friends
they're gone too when the world ends.
Lay back and watch the burning sky
Smoking cigarettes and asking why

nothing ventured Nothing gained
it's why we danced while it rained.
Some small bit of romance, you said
before the china flew at my head

moving faster than the stars
Flying past the other cars
Faster Faster we both screamed
best of friends, or so it seemed.

years on down the winding road
when hair is grey and backs are bowed.
You said we'd be together then
apparently there were better men

happy birds, Chirping, singing
my ears still won't stop ringing
I left and ran into the Woods
took the alcohol, all the goods.

i've been missing, don't you know
or do you forget watching me go
Maybe it was for the best
maybe now you'll get some Rest.

My old soul won't keep anyone up
3am draining another cup
Filled with What, i can't tell.
Pretty sure it's sending me to hell.

A sip of coffee dark and black
Caffeine enough for a heart attack.
And in the corner a man sits and writes
Half-eaten pastry, taking in the sights.

The man looks over thick-rimmed glasses
Putting people into social classes.
He stares at girls much too young
Thinking of songs to be sung.

******* brewing, God he begs
That he could be between their legs
If they just came to talk to him
The would be slaves to his whim.

He's a writer, so he could write
A poem about love at first sight.
Ensnare the girls in wordy webs
As ****** tension flows and ebbs.

He sees me watching, loses focus
On catching girls in his hocus pocus.
Gives me a quick discerning look
Then writes furiously in his book.

Angrily I begin to see
He must be writing about me
What is it that he puts down
While I continue to frown?

I have to know what's in his head
Aside from those girls in his bed.
I toss my coffee in the bin
On my way to fix his stupid grin.

"Is there something I should know?"
I ask as his eyes gleam and glow.
He just smirks and looks away
No longer do I want to play.

I look down at the empty page
But I can't fathom, cannot gauge
The fact that there is nothing there
I didn't matter, he didn't care.

My life is worthless, not enough
I don't have the right stuff.
To even be a subject for
The man now walking out the door.

Defeated, I slump and ponder life
Feel the weighty presence of my knife.
And as I gaze at the coffee on the shelf
"Should I have a cup, or **** myself?"

Long ago, as they are prone
My mother took time to pray.
Knelt down and asked if God would please
Send an angel my way.

"My son, O Lord, he needs your help,"
She pleaded with despair.
"Save him from a life of sin,
Send someone to give him care."

The angel didn't come right away.
I guess the memo was late.
But rather it came far down the road
God must have left it up to Fate.

I stumbled along, and said angel came
Surprised me, as is their wont.
The angel proved to change my life
But afterward stayed to haunt.

"Archangel go and leave me be,
You've done your job so well.
But my life must carry on alone.
I'll see you in Hell."

The angel looked strangely back,
"But child, I'm here to save you.
How can I finish my job,
If you don't do everything I say to?"

I sat back, stunned, at Fate's design
For who else could say,
That their angel made the shift
To a source for their dismay?

"I know you must have specific plans,
But I'm not your problem anymore.
You did your job, succeeded once
No need to settle any score.

I have a demon inside me now
One of my own design
I must cope with it on my own
It's not your problem; just mine."

Angry now, the angel screamed,
"You're nothing without me!"
And much as I wished otherwise,
I couldn't but agree.

"You cannot stay to rule my life!"
I shouted with disdain.
"You've got another sinner now,
No need to heal my pain!"

"But child you are weak and dumb,
And I can help you thrive.
I can't just leave you on your own.
It's your perfection for which I thrive."

It was then a simple thought occurred,
An epiphany, I suppose.
"You can't leave," I said with fear,
"Because this thorn is not a rose."

Continuing on, I found my strength,
"You cannot leave, and I know why
It's because you're full of Pride
I can't be your failed try."

In shock my angel looked away,
I had shown light upon her sin.
And while she seemed so upset
I sat by with a grin.

"This is not true," she said with pause
"I only want what is best.
And after caring for you so long
I can't put that drive to rest."

"I'm sure that helps you sleep at night,"
Said I to my holy friend
"But you have no right in my life anymore,
I'm afraid that this is the end."

"What will you do, vile thing?!
You're nothing without me!
I made you who you are today
Or can you just not see?!"

"That may be so, but here's the rub,
You're now a sinner too.
I cannot learn to better me,
Until you better you."

I used to think my angel came
To help me change my ways.
But now I see, because she failed,
She'll haunt me til end of days.

Nights like this I wonder why
Why something hasn't let me die.
No angels coming while I sleep
No demons along my floorboards creep.

Laying silent on my floor
I wait for ravens at the door.
But no evil nor any good
Come to take me as they should.

Aching, feverish, here I stand
Waiting just to leave this land.
Yet no god or devil fights for me
A pointless soul is all they see.

Wary of shadows and light
I venture in neither day or night
But crossing bounds in shattered dreams
I paint my hope on ceiling beams.

My celestial scribbles bleed down the walls
Paint dripping, running; waterfalls.
And as I lay my head to rest
I feel the droplets bombard my chest.

To awaken covered in my art
Gives worthless soul a brand new start
So when the spirits next look my way
There will be nothing left to say.

Let holy war for me erupt
Because my soul is so corrupt.
From painting secrets on my room
Giving light to impending doom.

The divines made one mistake, I know
They ignored me all that time ago.
I walked right past and secrets I stole
Giving worth to my meaningless soul.

Like an old and forgotten book
I wrote their plans in every nook.
Every corner of my life
Cut them deeper, paintbrush like knife.

Now every spirit yearns to take
The soul in which they did mistake
They claw and bite and bleed and cry
Waiting for the moment I die.

But now human scorned spends life anew
And my sins aren't nearly through.

One day soon, they'll hunt me down
Steal the king from his throne.
And in that moment, I'll lament
That you'll be left alone.

Thrive on with life, when I am gone.
When they come to **** the king;
Make a jester out of leader's blood
And sell his holy ring.

Look away at sunset, when I'm hung
Stare off at clouds so soft.
And as they're stained red as death
Know my soul is there aloft.

Don't come to save me, I am gone
The public made their cry.
They hunted down the martyr king
They demanded that he die.

Far off in lands yet unseen
Untainted dreams abound.
And there I wait for you to join
As I lay without a sound.

For something good, I gave my all
And left my kingdom as a prize
Take my life and see history unfold
Before sinners' very eyes.

Never again will I see the world
The roads on which I had tread.
But such is life, and such is me
Now that I am but dead.

Throw flowers at my shallow grave,
Dug quick to hide the crime.
May their colors light the shame
Of my killers for all time.

But do not beg for my return
The world had its chance.
For now I am eternally bound
Joining the stars in eternal dance.

Write about me, one day, my dear.
Then come find me, and have no fear.