Dear _
Even if we don’t get along
Really ever
I want you to knowthis
I still think you are a great person
One full of life and potential

Maybe had I said something different
we would have gotten along better
I want to say sorry
I wish things had gone better...

Sincerely,
Me

Dear __
I know you want to help the world
but no matter how big your smile is
your hands are only so big.
Keep you chin up
keep smiling that beautiful smile
I know that glow in your eyes when you smile
is enough to help some people.
Don’t stop caring about people
just preserve yourself
You can’t help anyone
if you are the one
most in need
of your own help and guidance

Sincerly,
Me

Dear _
if you are reading this
take these letters
show them to the world
there are things I never had the right moment
or never had the nerve  
everyone in my life has greatly impacted me
I want him or her to know it.

These letters do not have names
these people will know if it was written for them
I want all people to find one that I wrote for them  
I started writing these for specific people
    I realized the things I had to say were not only for this person
         these are things I would like people like them to hear

If you feel I wrote this for you
I did.
And if you know I wrote this for you
I hope you like it and know how much you mean to me

Sincerely
Me

Let me tell you a bit about me
A bit that I haven’t told anyone

Here goes nothing…

I listen to Lady Gaga
A lot
The smell of whiskey doesn’t burn my nose
Rather it smells familiar, similar to maple syrup
I love to dance a lot when no one is looking
And really provocatively
I doubt my ability
Yet fear my potential
I kissed a boy in first grade
But don’t know why I have literally hid this all my life
The book “Charley and the Chocolate Factory” changed me
And I never like chocolate until this year
I am afraid of dogs
I grew up with dogs all of my life
I really dislike my arms from the elbow up
But play off my flannel shirts and hoodies as a fashion statement
I bite my nails but not nervously
Rather because nail clippers make my nails feel weird
I watch ****…
No one really admits that one but most of us do
I love not washing my hair
But I hate going out in public that way
I love most people but pretend I don’t
It’s easier that way
I love the feeling of crumbling sheet rock
Especially if it is wet
I have cussed since I was probably 7…
I think I cuss less now than I did in fifth grade
I generally admire those farthest from me
They are what I’ll never be
I could see myself as president
But just as easily a stripper
I have to try really hard not to cry when I think of my childhood
Especially young memories
I have tweezed my eye brows
And my toes
I have worn makeup while no one was home
Mainly just to try it
I love eating raw sugar
Especially chewing it
I am pretty sure I was delusional as a child
But sometimes I feel like either I wasn’t or I still am
I don’t feel like people ever really know me
Especially my family

There is a chunk of me
Please don’t waste it

I really should want to be here
This impending dread of tomorrow isn’t normal
I claw at my back
Push on my ribs and try
Try to collapse in and maybe just maybe
Concentrating and compacting who I am will make
Me
Clearer and more easily understood
And while my ribs jab my heart and my spine claws my stomach
It is a joyous reminder I have both
My head hurts and my hair falls in front of my eyes
I am just hoping my seams
Are better sown than those of my fading sneakers
Thread bare and fraying I fear coming undone
I don’t want to unravel and be a pile of string
But a ball of yarn is less out of place in this scene than my face

I need change
I don’t want it
Not like you seek comfort
No I seek only survival and change is a necessity to mine
Anyone who has known me long knows this
I constantly cut my hair and change its colors
Wear new things and change the things I have
I am a flowing gypsy not tethered to any place
But no matter how hard I try my personal change holds no grasp on the world’s around me

I am not nor will I ever be
A reflection of the world around me
No matter how I wish and try
I cannot mold the world to reflect the ball of yarn inside of me
I do not hate who I am
I wish not to conform and change who I am
Rather the world to shift its view so what’s inside me wasn’t so foreign and strange
I wish I wanted to be here
I wish I longed to see your faces
But when I take a leave of absence I don’t seek to return
I can take vacations but these journeys are only a reminder of the world that I have to come home to
Not a refreshing break to prepare me to return

There are too many noose filled closets
And too many plastic faces
I wish I didn’t have to face everyone around me as if I was the part of themselves they hate
I wish I wasn’t a target
But I would not change the reminder that I have become
That red flag in the fog in this place that shows people a piece of themselves they tried to bury
I will not change me
I will not change you
But in this twisted backwards world
My refusal to be someone else is a threat to your attempts to be
And I jeopardize your sinking ship of an image you have tried to build

And I am sorry
Not sorry that I force you to no longer deny your identity
I am purely sorry that I live in a world that I have that ability
I am sorry that me and you and everyone sit here
Yet I still am the only one with the power
The only one set upon the task of telling you
That you are human

Well…
Life is or was a box of chocolates
Right?
And me and you
We took it on
It was perfect
I hated milk chocolate
And you loved it
And you hated those coconut ones
But I really liked them
And it all worked so well
Not a chocolate left uneaten or unsavored
Until one day we found a coconut filled milk chocolate

In ant populations
Worker ants are blind  
Follow one another by scent
Pheromones are released from their feet
Leaving a scent trail from the next to follow
A single file line
Blindly trusting pheromones

Sometimes an ant loses the scent though
And wanders off looking for the trail
Leading the others off behind him
And if he looks hard enough
He’ll find the end of his own line
And follow the tail of a train
He created
Subsequently creating what is scientifically known as
    a Death Spiral

For these blind ants are unaware
They are following the same path over and over
It does not lead anywhere
It does not lead home
Eventually they walk until
They walk no more…

Pheromone- “any chemical substance released by an animal that serves to influence the physiology or behavior of other members of the same species.”
Originates from the Greek phérein and that means to bear or bring and Hormone

Many people say that love
Is a chemical reaction
A perfect blend of pheromones
To produce attraction
Affection
And in the end reproduction
Love was
Scientifically disjointed
To fit better on a slide
Linguistically altered
To fit better on paper

But isn’t love just pheromones?
Like it is to the ants
Attractive footsteps
We blindly follow
Even if they lead us to no good

Most times Love leads us home
Leads us to prosper
Tells us where to go
What to do
To survive
Until it doesn’t…

Then our pheromone path
Leads us in circles
It leads around and around
Love can lead us in a death spiral
And if we are blind we will not step out
Step out of the path:
That winding circling path of doom
Made up of previous mistake we have made
That left attractive footsteps in their wake
Footsetps that when we go lost we again found
And now we choose to blindly repeat them
Over and over
In the pursuit of Love

Because of **Pheromones