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My wife, a psychiatrist, sleeps
through my reading and writing in bed,
the half-whispered lines,
manuscripts piled between us,

but in the deep part of night
when her beeper sounds
she bolts awake to return the page
of a patient afraid he'll **** himself.

She sits in her robe in the kitchen,
listening to the anguished voice
on the phone. She becomes
the vessel that contains his fear,

someone he can trust to tell
things I would tell to a poem.
His eyes
Pressed into her with the pull of polarity
A haunting indication of an impossibility too beautiful to protest
He looks
With a longing he has hidden deep in his sock drawer
So no one can tell him he’s wrong or irrational
A locket only to be worn round his pulsating mind’s mannequin
But she wears on her sleeve what he’s trying to leave
And dressed like a nightingale
In feathers so free
Her eyes with a fire that waves like the sea
Closer they crawl
Past night’s shadowed humans getting drunk off doubt and betting on beauty
Past the scratches on stools once straddled by sorrow
And Isolation, his lover
Who lost her last words somewhere under the covers
That they shook out in morning
To shake off the mourning
But the streets crave a sweep
For the ashes are thick and catch on their tongue
Reminding the runaways to stop feeling young
And as they both draw so near
With the friction of fear
And the whip of a wish
And a harsh hit of hope
For the call of a kiss
Her hairs stand on stilts at the nape of her neck
An impatient frenzy that’s waiting on deck
But the lights left her lonely
A bubble-bruised brain
And he left her only
The promise of pain
As he grabbed another hand and rushed out the door
She smiled a sadness that left her lips sore
And gathered her hollows
And the last of her trust
And took to the streets with the ashes and dust
You played with her heart like a toy
Because it reminded you of a toy soldier
Keeping a beat with each move it made
You placed it on your window sill and let the cold, rain, wind, snow, ruin it.
You let it ***** and gather dust
And didn't bother to clean it off
You let it sit alone and break more and more everyday
You handed it to your friends and let them handle it just as harshly and you had yourself
Played catch with this fragile ***** and let it fall to the ground

You held her heart and let it shatter
You didn't care because she wasn't leaving
You let scars form on the edges of the tissue and blood seep out of the cuts
You didn't notice you'd ruined her until you walked to the window sill one day
And found nothing but dust where her heart used to be

She left your heart, black and blue, in the garbage
Because she decided to treat you
As badly as you treated her
 Nov 2013 Nathalie Lorraine
B
I can’t get to sleep
Because my brain over thinks

I wish I could shrink it

For a night at least,
Just close my eyes and drift off 

But my mind is racing
Steadily chasing
The thoughts overcoming me,
The thoughts keep outrunning me
I wish I was with you
I can't help but miss you
I try to tell myself otherwise
Keep piling lies on lies
I wish the lies were true
I don’t know why I want you
Alone the sleep won’t come
But you’re not coming either
I though I saw you
I thought I heard your voice
But then
I remembered.
I don't know how it went,
I don't know how,
But I forgot.
Your voice,
Your soul,
Your heart.
I forgot.

I thought I saw you
In your leather jacket and tweed cap.
My breath caught
My eyes watered.
It wasn't you.

I thought I saw you
But I forgot.
Lost
Sometimes I want to tell the truth
Blurt it out to see what you would do
But that scares me, very much so
What would you do if you were to know

Maybe that's why I use these poems
So I can speak to you, subtly so
Maybe I'm content to ride this hope
Never have to hear you say no

I care for you I truly do
If you knew you might care too
I think you are perfect, flawless, I do
But I know it's not entirely true

I know you have some problems inside
You try to run and hide
I know you're hurt, pain on your face
I know it won't disappear with my embrace
I know I must be patient
To hope to make a dent

But I also know one day
It will all fade away
So I will wait
To say what I need to say
I'm okay
you know,
like this.
A matress by
the cold concrete foor
bareskinned
thin white fabric shredding
warmth
our legs laced
and
my fingers dancing
on your chest.
The sunlight makes it's
way throughout the closed windows
and I felt scared,
for myself.
Because I envy the sun,
whose rays touch you
in just a single wrap
while
there are still parts
of your body
I have not touched.
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