A tiny fist clings
Wrinkling the chest of my blouse
Fingers fat with milk and love and bananas
Draw lines in linen and decorate me as mother
Wet spots polka dot my clothing,
Residue of tears and drooling and more milk.

This uniform is at once costume, straightjacket, cape and mask, nakedness.

She has my eyes, but hers are green.
She has his smile, but he doesn't smile as much anymore.

She carries our confusion like a torch, leading an angry parade,
we carry her little body like a sacrificial lamb up the stairs.

pulled this way and that, I
reach my hands out, palms
up and wide, fingers splayed
like my cheeks, open and
quivering and receptive,
please be gentle on me, though
I've asked for everything but
that, I've forgotten me and
what I need is gentleness, again.

they scratch my skin so
I don't have to, leaving
red rocky channels to
pattern my landscape,
hand shape mountainous with
ridged knuckles that buckle
under pressure, tectonic plates
collide under your pinches,
inches separate my continents,
compliments mean much less
to me than land and sea
decoration on the world that
is my body, swirled with
tide pool bruises and oceanic
wetness, sweat accumulates like
dew forming my atmosphere
that you clear away with
thrusting earthquakes, shaking
my foundation, my creation
started at this *****, molten core,
more, more, more, it rang out,
pangs of pain and guilt
marble my thighs in stretches,
desert wasteland abdomen
with a dried-up well, swelling
******* pour forth milk and honey
but this is no promised land, sand
scatters and swirls, curls and unfurls
into furious scabs that could
serve as cityscapes, I have a metropolis
on my face and I'm patient zero,
latent heroes stay hidden under
fingernails while yours continue
to sail over tender skin, covering me again
in valleys and gorges and channels.

collecting my thoughts feels
like lassoing clouds, the rope
falls through the mist, shapes
dissipate and reform anew,
I can't capture myself, my
parts have all locked themselves
away, some in white rooms
with straightjackets, the others
keeping the key and holding
the baton, ready to strike,
I'm full of bullies and victims
inside, please let me gather
myself in my arms and kiss
away the salty sweat of regret
and fear on every brow. bow
to the fatigue that plagues
these sickened individuals
all slaving to keep me together
but untethered to each other,
mother, daughter, sister, lover
they're all here and yet so
far away, stay with me, please
stay with me. play with my
inner child, my wildling self,
and my wealth of insecure
questioning souls gathered
in a lukewarm pool of doubt,
I'm festering inside. I need
cleansing, a helping hand,
a voice in the dark that
sparks a light so that I may
see, and find my way
back to me.

I'm in a quiet moment;
I sit here and you're next to me
not paying me attention but
giving me suspension above
the glass shards I create
for myself with every mirror
I've ever wanted to break, because
I mistake myself for an idea
not the real thing, but you're
next to me now, bespectacled
and cozy, rosy lips mouth
wordlessly as your eyes
scan, panning across pages,
you're a burning sage to the
haunted house that is my mind,
find me hiding in a closet and
hold me close, unfold my
tangled limbs all reaching
to protect me from myself,
on the highest shelf of my
thoughts is a knotted book
broken up like puzzle pieces,
that when put together give
me directions to weather the
storm of my brain's hurricane,
it blows through my shores but
I can find shelter, sweltering in
the heat of your warm embrace,
a face that shines like the sun,
burning me, a brand, and I
can stand on my own two feet again,
finally feeling complete again.

I'm honest but I'm flexible, one
truth today might be a lie
tomorrow, sorrow turns
to laughter like alchemy,

me oh my, are you
confusing sometimes, but
I'm enticed and derided,
nice coincided with ruthless
but I'm toothless, I have

no bite, despite all my bark,
dark eyes and dark fingernails
scratch at your surface but
you reveal yourself all

too quickly, sickly and
terrible and beautiful, you're
there and I'm here but we
are together, somehow,
plow my fields and harvest
my crop yield, there is

part of me that belongs to you
and if I sound like I'm telling
a lie, know that it's true,
if only just for today please,
believe what I say.