I see her lower lip
Curve downwards
To form a circle with
Her scrunched chin,
A slight tremor
Turns to a quake,
A shake, and I feel
My heart break-
How dare I, so
Meanly, suggest she
May need a nap,
Take her from my
Lap to a little bed,
When I know the pain,
The dread, that may
Ensue instead of
Deep sleep and an
Hour's time to keep
A semblance of sanity?,
Oh the vanity
Of a mother! I
Apologize profusely
To her wet eyes,
Cries start to calm
As fat cheeks get
Pressed with sweet
Kisses, tears are
Wiped gently, I relent
My selfish aim and
Ask a now tame,
Tiny one, whose face
Could rule my world,
Hurled out of existence
And back by the mere
Crack of a voice,
What's wrong, little
One, what can I do?
Sun and Moon, it's
All for you and
Should you choose
To refuse your rest,
I offer my breast,
This chest is best when
Given to you,
As all the rest of me has been,
Again and again and
Again

when is it cute
and when is it not
to not give you exactly
what I know gets you hot

to reject the question behind
your eyes and deny,
push away with both hands
and step back spry

to see the care
you're asking for
and let it drop steadily
to smash on the floor

mind your own needs
and swallow your pills
i can't be your throat
you have your own free will

to walk so far
away from me flat,
you won't need to look
on this ugliness that

refuses you
just for the sake of it
slaps you in the face
just to see if you'll hit

and then when you do
i'll have reason to run,
would it still be my fault
when it's over and done?

push you to the brink
while i sink behind thoughts
of how unbearably cold
this love is, i've wrought

Faith in our connection
Acceptance, direction flexible
Thoroughly affectionate, enjoying
Heralding the strengths of others
Eliciting the best in yourself,
Rarity in curiosity and joy
Loyal, steadfast, logical
You bring a sense of hope and love.
…..
We share much in common
In humor, disposition, energy
Stay with me, I said over again
Dad, stay, come home, be here
Over again, I have desired your company and
Moreover again, you have been with me.
…..
Find me hiding behind curtains
Remind me of my strength
Intelligence and heart
Erupt into laughter and wipe my tears
Next to you, safe and warm
Delighted in, genuine
Loving eyes light up over clasped hands
Your signature sign of overwhelming joy.
…..
Before, now, and later
Layers of friendship bind, and
Into the light of futures unknown
Say you'll be with me,
Stay with me, I say over again.

Please love me, find me likeable,
Capable as I am of gaining your
Disinterest, pain yourself with
Patience, as I try to age like
Wine, fine at first but better,
Letters escape my fingers down my
Pen when I fear I'll lose you
Again, so please love me, cradle
And steady my ready tears and
Quivering lips, smears of disgust
Rust away in the iron wool
Of your soul accepting mine,
Even when I'm just fine.
And nothing more,
Pour a little faith
In my cup
Before I run dry,
Try as I may
To water this
Cactus, she ******
Herself too much,
Flicks hands away
Like flies, stay
And see, the
Flailing will
Pass, trailing
Past is a
Gentleness unseen
By most but may
You last to toast my
Layers, boast of my good deeds,
Seeds that may
Grow more cacti
In this love desert
Where it may
Rain, as it feigns death

Untethered, untethered,
Feathers fall away, this
Ugly bird can't fly
Anymore, before the
Dreams to soar seemed
So close--bore yet
Another audience
With your unfulfilled
Aspirations, perspiration
Is my fountain of youth,
Truth bringing me salty
Foolishness, grab my
Wrists and force me,
Please don't ease
Me in, course success
Through my veins,
An IV, try me,
I'll consent to the
Harshest treatment
If it meant time spent
Bleeding love.
Come at me, give me everything
You've got, I've a lot,
To see for myself
How red my blood is before
I bleat, far too much,
Far too late,
Fate doomed me,
Sisyphus pushing my
Hopeful Boulder up
A hill of predictability,
Only to *** with a frown
When it comes crashing back down.

I wonder as I write
are they your eyes that scan,
that pan across the screen, meanly
assessing what was unseen,
caressing the language,
tenderly, ******* this
author from behind her
shroud of words, clouds
waved away expertly, heard
nakedly, mistakenly (but not).
there is intention here,
queer as I am and this may be,
I flee not from this tangled
nest of support and rest and
tension, suspension, and
disbelief, for behind the
scrutiny there is a fire
to be stoked,
a wet cheek to be stroked,
then slapped and squeezed,
pleased over and over again;
desperate to serve to be
broken, submission awoken
by challenge and dispute,
refuting not by habit but
necessity that I be seen,
I'd never say please until
it's pinched out of me,
take me, break me, rake
nails across my stubborn back,
have the patience to wrack my brain,
give loving pain and let
me learn to serve and receive,
believe in me (but never
say you do), who would you
be to give me praise
(please give me praise)?
I'm getting ahead of myself
while falling behind, watching
your steps and countering
all I find, call me
old soul if you choose,
but I lose to naivety, every
time, spend some with me
and see, what all I have to give--
may you finally
see me live.

Can I be honest? I'm
not ok, not doing fine, a
single twine remains between
my land and sea, my sanity
and an unreality, is that
too much to say? Day
and night blur together,
but I pass for normal
if I shut my mouth and
paint my face, replace
the tears and grimace
with a smile and idle words
I can go unheard for so long,
my song is silent, my hymn
gone mute, dim light and
blurry picture, dispute
fact and fiction with
practiced diction and nothing
to lose, refuse the help,
no no no, I'm fine,
can I be honest?
I'm a ******* liar.
can I be honest? the
situation's dire.