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N N Johnson Mar 21
I imagined I was happy today
Nothing else was different
It didn’t need to be

But I was
Playing with my daughter, happy
N N Johnson Feb 25
Birdsong again
I think it has been years of winter
Sadness crunches under fingernails
I icicle my thoughts and drip-drop them
No ceremony
Just melt
And plunge

Birdsong again
A breath that doesn’t sting my lungs
Air no longer attacking a weakened will to live
I blink a thank you into the forgiving breeze
Shards to spiderwebs
They stick
And dissolve
N N Johnson Feb 10
According to men
original sin is a woman
tempted by knowledge.
Naked and ignorant and perfect
for a blissful life of child-rearing
And wifely duties
She gave up paradise to learn.
Her moral failing was
To fill her mind
Not her *****

We are taught the first sin
According to men
Was a woman who learned--
Learned there is more than what her veiled eyes see
A woman sought enlightenment
Truth corrupts powerfully enough
To bring a world crashing down

It always sounded so simple
As a child
I heard the rule, the man’s rule:
don’t eat the apple
And I thought
what a stupid woman
Doesn’t she appreciate what she has?
With only one no in a world of yes
Why did she do it, why couldn’t she resist?

Now I admire her.

She would rather
The real world, with it’s pain
and labor and fault
Than one constructed for her by a god
who wants her to know little enough
to accept it as perfect.

The crime was questioning the paradigm.
And whenever examination of a system
Is deemed unacceptable
Don’t we know there is a problem
Hiding?

easily found by a brave woman
With curiosity,
Willing to lose everything
To know what she doesn’t know
N N Johnson Feb 5
At a certain point                I stop picking up the phone
I can’t do it anymore                 no more pretending, I’m tired.
I sigh myself awake                     blink dry eyes that I wish would tear.
And I wonder what                     could I possibly feel deeply again?
This day could answer for but                   I realize it's a void. Yet
My slack face lifts at the thought               there’s still alcohol to help
I could oblivion myself                  pummel through till tomorrow
What a brutal relief                             this animal body needs rest
This overworked mind is best                   left entirely alone in the dark
Sparked with substance and nothing          more than emptiness itself.
N N Johnson Feb 5
I think I have to be good

Check the boxes and qualify

Every step on my good girl walk

Brings me nearer to earning a place

Arriving at yes, arriving at rest.

Travel travel travel

The road of thank you for having me

Thank you for being here

Hold my hand when I tell you

There is no arrival.
N N Johnson Jan 30
I will support your downfall if you ask me to
I will tilt the brick to trip the foot of your leg, leg, hip
I will cobweb your path and catch in your eye
Stick to your face like a smile never could
I will be so helpful at undoing you
If that’s what you want.

All I ask
Is that you do the same.
N N Johnson Jan 29
I have a sore in the back of my mouth
Like a leech eating under my molar it’s always raw
My tongue searches it out
And I’m reminded of those blind eels
Feeling my way in the darkness
Detecting only by pain
And a feathered texture
As if someone took a cheese grater to my gums
“If this is your way of getting me to notice you--
It’s working”
I think to the leech, as my eel tongue tries again to feast
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