they say a picture’s worth a thousand words.
well then, the only pictures I want are with them
because if those last thousand words were stolen from my lips
the world should know just how much I adored that kiss

they say your memories are all you’ve got.
well then, the only thoughts I want are of them
because if any memories ever slip from from my brain
I want to at least remember the feeling of hands caressing waist that drove me insane

Do you remember the moment you first saw him?
When the fairytale ending played over and over again in your head
And you ****** in your breath because you had never seen something so beautiful
And the hands of love gripped your heart so tight you thought you might pass out
Do you remember what it felt like falling in love with him?
When you couldn’t help but smile at him while he did something as simple as load the dishwasher
And your head on his chest was more comforting than your mother’s hugs
And you danced in the kitchen light, bodies pressed together because you couldn’t stand to be even an inch away from him
Do you remember watching the fire fizzle out as quickly as it had started?
When days usually spent with his family became nights where you laid in bed sobbing
And his vicious words devoured every last bit of happiness you had left
And the hands of love stopped gripping your heart because it had finally froze over
Because I remember it all and, darling, that fire still flickers in you.

You stole me aside
Retching me from my childhood
                                       My innocence
                                          My wellbeing

You said I was a masterpiece
Whispered sweet nothings
That shook me to my core
And melted my frozen heart

I thought you would always treat me right
Hold my hand tight
Never stray from my side

By god was I wrong

At first sight of your wickedness, I should have ran
But I was blinded by your grace
By your spellbinding words
By the promises you made

You tore me apart completely
Made me feel worthless
Like no one loved me
Like no one else was here for me
Except for you

You made me despise myself
I’d wake in the morning to see bruises you left from the day before
And puffy eyes from the hours I spent crying

I grew weary of this thing you called love
Of the constant fighting
Of the agonizing visits to the hospital
Of the degrading nature in which you treated me

The nature where I was nothing less than your slave
Someone you could take advantage of
When things weren’t going your way
Or when you hated yourself so much
You felt the need to make me feel the same hatred

But yet I loved you still
It wasn’t long before you took every part of me
Before you took my virtue
The only thing I loved about myself
The one thing I had yet to give up to you
The one thing I was saving for the right man

A man who truly cared about me
And would never throw me to the floor
Saying I was nothing more than a useless *****

And what was it all for?
So you could brag
About another ****
With another girl, you lied and said you had fallen for

Two years in and you had broken me down
Took my pride in your stride
And made me crawl on my knees
Searching for a part of me you hadn’t yet seized

There are days when I wake up
Shaking from a vision of you
A vision in which I was still under your control
Where the ruthless words became fists being thrown at my face

I wish that I didn’t have these memories of you
That the scars on my arms didn’t still remind me of you

I wish that I could go a day without wincing when someone goes to touch me
Terrified that they will leave bruises like you always did

Despite all the torture you put me through
I still have faith
Faith that I will find the man for me

But more than that
I have faith in myself
Faith that I will become the woman I am meant to be
The woman you so ruthlessly tried to steal away from me

1) At age 8 you realize that someone you look up to might not be the angel they pretend to be. Sometimes you’ll have to hide in your closet, crying, because you can’t stand to hear his yelling anymore. Your sister will hold your hand and sing you lullabies as you fall asleep to your father repeatedly pushing his girlfriend into a wall.

2) At age 9 you find out that blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood. Just because someone isn’t your family, it doesn’t mean that they won’t love you the same. And when that person leaves, it will never be a final goodbye, even when the thought of your father brings tears to their eyes.

3) At age 10 you learn that no matter the age, children can be evil. They’ll put gum in your hair and push you down on the playground, just because you enjoy reading. When you come home crying to your mother, she’ll squeeze you tight and whisper “You’ll show them one day, my darling”.

4) At age 11 you come to the conclusion that women are very beautiful and have soft lips. You’re scared to admit it at first, but love is love is love. When your stepdad catches you kissing your best friend, he’ll forbid you from seeing her. But nothing will be able to stop you from realizing who you are and what you like.

5) At age 12 you’ll understand that leaving everything you’ve known can be the hardest thing to do. You’ll scream and cry and punch walls when your parents tell you that you are switching schools. You’ll lock yourself in your room and throw things to the floor, telling them how much you hate them and praying that somehow, someway, they will change their minds.

6) At age 13 you’ll understand that leaving everything you’ve known can be the best thing to happen to you. Despite people making fun of you for being the new girl with the funky haircut, you find a group of people who just get you and pull you out of your shell. You’ll start acting and singing and spend your weekends at the beach with some of the greatest people you’ll ever meet. You’ll find yourself for the first time in your life.

7) At age 14 you meet the man who will change your life forever. Your friends are his friends and you love the feeling of falling asleep on his shoulder. People tell you how much he loves you, he tells you how much he loves you, and you finally feel the sort of completeness you’ve been searching for since your father left you.

8) At age 15 you see the devil for the first time in someone who tells you that you are the love of their life. When he pushes you to the ground, you can’t help but think of when you were 8. You’ll fight and breakup and kiss and makeup, an endless cycle that’ll leave you completely drained. But after the third hospital visit in a year, and a night with him that leaves you scared of people ever touching you romantically, you find the courage to leave him for good. No man is with worth the anguish and heartbreak and hatred.

9) At age 16 you learn how to find yourself again. You cut your hair, join the cheerleading team, and toss all the toxic people out of your life. You let yourself try new things and experience a life without the grip of a malicious man holding you down.

10) At age 16 you’ll also learn how devastating loss can be. A wall of blackness will drown you in class when the principal tells you your friend is gone for good. You’ll blame yourself for not being there when he needed you and you’ll blame yourself for never recognizing how much trouble he was actually in. At the funeral, you tell his brother and father and mother you’re sorry and even though you’re not crying (because you haven’t shed a tear since your ex retched your innocence from you) you truly mean it. His voice will always be in your head and you’ll see him everywhere you go. You’ll learn that great men will forever live on.

11) At age 17 you learn the meaning of true friendship. It can come in any shape, size or form. It’ll come in the social studies teacher who taught you what it means to be independent and enjoy it. It’ll come in the friend you’ve had since 7th grade but never realized was your soulmate and best friend until you spend an entire month traveling together. It’ll even come in the stupid grey and white cat your family got after the previous one died (at least this one will fall asleep next to you).

12) You’re 18 years old now and things aren’t always the best. Some days are worse than the others and you feel like giving up completely. But you relish in the fact that you are getting an education at your number one school and have found a group of people who make you feel at home even though you’re 7 hours away. You never thought you’d make it this far; never believed that you had it in you to get away after years of begging to do so. Every trial and tribulation has helped you become who you are today. Every tear, every smile, every experience has led you to this exact moment. Take advantage of this beautiful privilege and never lose sight of what you want. You are a powerful woman who doesn’t need a man to help her believe this. You will do great things, just keep your head high and always remember the little island and people that helped raise you.

and as we sat beneath the dazzling sky
wishing upon constellation after constellation,
our hearts exposed and our fingers barely touching,
you whisper “we are alive.”
and I chuckle, knowing what you meant:

knowing that you are just as astounded as I
that we just so happened to meet
and that we are sharing the same air
and gazing into the same open universe
despite this moment being minuscule in the entirety of time.

and I whisper back “but are we living?”
a question that has haunted me day after day
a question that most will brush off.
but you turn to me,
your green eyes burning into mine
and you smile, knowing what I meant:

knowing that nothing in this world is as it seems
that it’s possible this is all a dream
and that your vision of me is nothing but  
and the rustling trees are merely empty sounds
despite my gentle touch grounding you to the earth as we believe it to be

“I’m sorry”
Three simple syllables
Two individually dull words
One heart breaking sentence
That should have changed my mind
Made me realize that you cared
Showed me that you wanted me to stay

“I can’t do this”
One absolutely meaningless sentence -
Spoken from the cracked lips
Of a girl who is cracked herself -
Because we both know I’ll come crawling back
When I need to feel secure
When I need a place to call home

And we’ll stumble through the same cycle
Me acting as if my heart doesn’t shatter
Each time you walk through the room
You obliviously joking with me
Like you didn’t leave a gaping hole in the shape of you

She sits up high
Her passion greater than all.
Never before had I seen
A creature as beautiful,
      as majestic,
      as elegant.
Love was never my speciality.
It will never be my speciality.
But with her,
I feel that love
Might be my only possible feeling.

I sit alone
Lesser than the others.
Never did I think
That someone like me
      loveless,
      passionless,
      not so special,
Could be admired by her.
Modesty was never her speciality.
It will never be her speciality.
But when around me,
She treats me as if I rule the world.

Together we stand strong,
More powerful in a pair.
With her admiration,
    With my love,
We are sure to live long,
      live happy,
      live like royalty.
For with each other we will never die.
Immortality is our speciality.
It has always been our speciality.
And we plan
To make everyone know.

To have her in my life
Is something I never could have imagined.
She has opened my eyes,
Opened them to see beauty.
And with that sight,
I have become her king.
And she has become my queen.