its painful, how obviously
you know that you control me
you don't have to bother
throwing rocks at my window
if im already in the doorway
so you are playing puppet
by tugging on my heart strings
to make me dance

n.d.

people say they're lonely
but they've never really felt alone.
they've never felt
walking into a crowded room
and been a common enemy.
they've never felt
the gazes of familiar faces
all wanting you to leave.
they've never felt
just wanting someone
to sit and listen
they've never felt
the acceptance
that no one cares.

they've felt lonely, but not alone.

n.d.

to some
spring cleaning
may be about donating the shirt
you haven't worn since 7th grade
or dusting every single picture frame
or scrubbing the tile
or sweeping and vacuuming
that's not my spring cleaning
my spring cleaning
is about changing the way i've been
ever since the 7th grade
and changing every single thing about me
or creating the persona i want to be
or removing and restarting
that's my spring cleaning

n.d.

I have no problem with the Easter bunny leaving me overly sweetened chocolate
or with leaving school for a (shorter than usual) week for spring break
the weather is so lovely, even the flowers dance out from under snow after winning their game of seasonal hide and seek
but i hate the spring and everything that comes with it

n.d.

i wish i was twenty one.
not to party
not to drink
or gamble
or even graduate college.

i read in biology once
that your skin cells
are completely new
every seven years.
i wish i was twenty one
so i could have a body
that was never touched by you.

n.d.

i still think about you,
not every night
and not every other night
but i think about you
and if you think about me
and
i miss you
even though you don't miss me
and i love you
even though you don't love me
(you hate me)
and i need you
and your sense of comfort
and
even if you were to slit my throat
i would still thank you
for touching my skin.

n.d.