...means nothing
to anybody.

The teachers that try to help us,
work day and night,
neglect their families
to think about
their students,
we ridicule,
insult
roll our eyes at,
attempt to intimidate.

The older man
standing at the door of
your grocery store,
who smiles and says
"Hello, How are you?!"
We glare at, or
ignore,
we brush him away,
and deny his
importance,
his existence.

The parents
who work so hard
and care
so much
for their children
are cussed at
ridiculed
insulted
rejected
treated like they are
Nothing
of no importance.

When someone
accidentially bumps into us
we respond with
"*******!"
"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!"
"WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?"
Instead of,
"Excuse me."

We all lament this
world of conflict
that exists.

We mourn the
death
of respect,
of common courtesy.

And yet we do nothing.

Are we people?
Or have we become animals?

I used to think I knew the answer,
I stayed positive,
but now...

I'm just not sure.

Most of the time I'm a ****** up
**** up.
Stumbling through my days blindly
Leaving wreckage in my wake.

Here, I'm sober
"Clean"
But you take away getting ****** up
and you're still left with

THE

**** up.

Because sometimes, being
pathetic and horrible
just comes naturally.

It becomes fused with your soul,
becomes a part of you
unfixable
unending
unacceptable

But still your reality

The part of you that you most want to
change
but can't.

And so you think,
I might as well drink,
I might as well die

But when you think like that
you know,
those thoughts will lead you to drink...
...and then you will die.

So the question is,
Does it matter?
Do you matter?

I really don't know.

You were just a child
(but you wouldn't agree with that.
you were just an adolescent,
embarking on the adventure of
adulthood)

And so was I

We grew up together
played together
laughed together
loved together

Shared secrets,
laughter,
pain.

Shared trimuphs,
trials,
tribulations.

And then came...

Distance.

For both of us.

We lived our own lives,
got through each struggle  
"on our own"

fought our
individual
battles.

Reconnected

here

and

there.

Never the same.

And then,
IT
happened.

IT

Which we can't talk about,
and we couldn't talk about before.

Because it's too dark,
or depressing,
unreal,
or just
too much.

But it was real.
And I felt it.

And did...

Nothing.

And now you're gone
and there's no turning back
no fixing anything
no telling you you're important
and amazing
and inspiring
and real
and serving a purpose
and just

******* alive

There's no turning back

now

There was
but I ignored it,
let it slide
thought I was doing the
"right thing"

I made a mistake.
And now you're gone....
And I wonder,

Why are any of us still

Here?

Take things
Slow
They say

Don't move too fast

Love takes time
You have to cultivate it
Learn how to
Truely
Love someone

Understandable
But
Unrealistic

Because
Life
Doesn't stop for anyone

Life

Moves quickly
Changes constantly
Keeps you on your toes

You could get hit by a car
Or shot on the street
Or get cancer
Or have a heart attack

At any time
On any day

Life
doesn't stop for anyone

So if you fall in love
Love hard
Go all out
Invest yourself
Make it real

If it doesn't work out
Move on

But if it does,
if it does...
Embrace it.
Love with all you have
Give all you have
Don't hold back

We are not guaranteed tomorrow

So I will love with all my heart
Today

She's crazy

She was a student
a scholar, a biology major
she excelled at being smart
hated her life
left college and followed her
passion for art
"She went crazy."

She was a mother
a wife
trapped in her life
a life she chose, but didn't want to
so she left, ran away
started over.
"She went crazy."

She was wanted by men
beautiful, charming, adored
dated many
could have gotten married
but didn't. She chose happiness...
by leaving men behind, for a woman
"She went crazy."

She was an alcoholic
and went through the DT's
Ran through the street
In her nightgown
Yelling about spiders
and fear
"She went crazy."

Crazy

She's

Crazy

Aren't we all?

I am the
SAME
as you

I work in your community
I live in your world
I contribute
(too much)
to Capitalism
by frequenting your local stores
and buying
WAY
more items than
I need

I vote for your President
your Congress
your Governor,
I participate in politics because
I care
about the way
our world
functions.

And yet I'm not equal
I'm not "the same."

As if any of us even know what being
"the same"
means anymore

When I dated men you
ALL
applauded me, praised me

Even when I dated total
*******
people said,

"Well you're just too good for him.
But you're such a great person for
being able to see past his
'rough' exterior"

I saw past
SO MANY
'rough exteriors'

And I was miserable
And I forced myself to
PRETEND
to be happy.
And loved
And love-ING.

But then
SHE
walked into my life.

SHE
had been there for awhile,
but I shoved the feelings to the side
because they're
NOT RIGHT

NOT
acceptable

NOT
real

NOT
important

Be with a man they say.
And I followed their rules.

Which lead to alcoholism
drugs
depression
suicide after suicide after suicide,
never
accomplished.

Which reinforced the fact that
my life would be full of
Failure.

And then came the kiss
(when my lips met her perfect lips)
that opened my eyes,
and changed my life.

Now, I may be
Unequal
Rejected
Frowned upon

BUT

There is no frown upon
my face.

For my world is
Complete
Authetic
Rewarding
Real

And I wouldn't change that
to cultivate the appearance of
Equal.